Daddy in story wakes up his daughter (Sick in bed with the flu, she has self-medicated by taking four NyQuil the night before) by spraying her in the face with a plant mister. The girl notices her father’s packed a suitcase. By way of explanation, he says:
“I’ll be gone some time. A week or three.”
“Where you off to?” the daughter asks.
“Prayer meeting in Miami. Found it on the Internet.”
The daughter tells her Daddy, “I know you need to stay here and look after me. You’re my Daddy.”
SPOILER * SPOILER * SPOILER
The Daddy leaves, the daughter gets herself breakfast (“a spoon of peanut butter and dry cereal”), goes to school, where she dozes “through three classes, including calculus” and experiences a moment of high anxiety when a teacher sends her to the infirmary. Luckily, she is saved by running into an acquaintance named Ophelia Merck, who drives a Lexus.
Ophelia is “pretty, shy, spoiled, and easy to boss around.”
Naturally, painful hilarity ensues.
Dear blog readers, can you believe self heard Kelly Link read this story in a former church? Just last week in Cork, Ireland?
And when self went up to get Ms. Link’s autograph, the ensuing conversation included what it’s like to eat kosher?
Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.