Observations About What’s Currently On in Movie Theatres

Summer ended.  There was a long, long parade of action movies.

The last action movie self saw was “Riddick.”  Did anyone notice something funny about the names of the cast?  Can anyone think of a more ridiculous assemblage of names than:  Vin Diesel; Katee Sackhoff (Always makes self want to say “Sack Off!”); Karl Urban (like Karl Marx, only more urbane); Bokeem Woodbine; Nolan Gerard Funk (almost as rich as Richard B. Riddick).  Self cannot say yea or nay to any of the critics who slam the film for being misogynist.  She liked it; therefore, her tastes are — to put it mildly —  eccentric.

Then there is that action flick, “Getaway.”  Ethan Hawke now has the dubious distinction of being in one of the best movies of Summer 2013 (“Before Midnight”) and one of the worst movies of Summer 2013.  About “Getaway,” Eric B. Snider notes:  “For no reason that I can discern, we only see the villain’s fingers, lips, and eyes until the very end of the movie, when it’s revealed to be Jon Voight.  So what?”  He sums up:  “The good news is that if you’ve always wanted to see Ethan Hawke bicker with a teenage girl for 90 minutes, this is your chance!”

“Closed Circuit,” which stars Eric Bana and Rebecca Hall, and wowed the Wall Street Journal movie critic, earned only a wan C+ from Eric Snider.  “Disappointingly mundane, run-of-the-mill . . . ” Snider calls it.

Then there is Rooney Mara and yet another one of her “performances,” this time as a small-town Texas gal in “Ain’t Them Bodies Saints” (The title has that arch Americana feel, meaning it will be “raw, honest,” and etc.)  And also has Casey Affleck in yet another of his performances.  Self swears, Mara doesn’t need to act:  all she has to do is fix an object in her level gaze; her cheekbones and partly opened mouth do the rest.  Affleck seems to be progressing from geek/nerd to manlier roles.  Great!

And that is about all self wants to write about movies at the moment.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Reasons Why Self Enjoyed Riddick

A BIG plus of the Riddick movies is the cinematography.  Not to mention all the CGI creatures:  dingo dogs, giant snakes with poisonous stinging — were those tails or were those teeth? — whatevers, desolate planetary landscapes, intricate macho garb, and so forth

Another is Vin Diesel’s voice.  She loved his voice-over about having a “legendary bad day.”

Vin Diesel really knows how to make a grand entrance!  He can move like a snake, propelling himself forward with just his forearms!

There were a few things self thought might have improved the movie:

SPOILER ALERT!

Why did the term “to ghost” only come up in the second half?  The first time she heard it, she thought:  Now that is a VERY good word to describe killing someone.  A word that good should have been used right from the get-go.

How did Santana end up with all the funniest lines?

What was that Bible-quoting lad doing hanging with the mercs?  Whose son was he?  Very late in the movie, someone explains:  The boy is Santana’s “lucky charm.”  Which still doesn’t clear up the confusion about his backstory.  Was he kidnapped?  Then why doesn’t someone just say so?  Is that actor the third Hemsworth brother?  Because he sure did look like a Hemsworth, more Liam than Chris.

Nice touch to give Katee Sackhoff “predator pink” toenails!  Hear, hear!  That was a very deft touch.  Especially as it allows Riddick to show what a sensitive guy he is:  Even when hung in chains, he still flirts with Katee (whose character’s name was “Dahl” which self thought was actually “Doll” until she looked up the cast on imdb) and manages to come up with quite a line: “Nice toenails.”  Is it any wonder that Dahl will almost cry with frustration and despair when Johns returns to the ship sans Riddick?

The see-through plastic box — with only one purpose: to store Riddick’s head after the bounty hunters slay him.

The painstaking way in which Riddick milks the poisonous snakes for their venom, then slowly inoculates himself and his pet dingo dog with small doses.  This was possibly the most tense, the most graphically beautiful depiction of self-inoculation self has ever seen.  On the big screen or the small screen.  Anywhere.

This is the first time self has ever seen Katee Sackhoff, apart from Battlestar Galactica.  Self loves the way she grounds “Riddick” with her femininity, her somewhat “butch” affect, and the way she so handily beats up on that perv, Santana.

All in all, a very enjoyable movie:  59% on Rotten Tomatoes, and not once did she ever nod off.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

“Fast Five” : Mean and Sleek

Summer = movies with furious car chase scenes and lots of bang-bang, lots of muscled heros and bodacious babes, and as much popcorn as one can stand to ingest in one sitting.

So here’s the first summer action movie of 2011 (even though it is not even May:  Hollywood and self are always anticipating):  “Fast and Furious Five”

You have to hand it to Vin Diesel: He knows his fan base, and he rarely deviates from a successful formula. There he is, making a grand entrance in the midst of a car heist that is taking place on a moving train — you could almost hear the entire audience at the Redwood City Century 20 (quite a few of whom were middle-aged, if not older) give one long collective AAAAAH.

He doesn’t attempt to grow hair, thank God. And his arms look like Read the rest of this entry »

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