The Absurdly Visceral Mad Max: Fury Road

YO! SPOILERS.

Bad guys actually make use of a minstrel.

Only George Miller

At times the road melée put self in mind of Cirque du Soleil. Especially the pole riders.

Again, only George Miller

Five ethereal damsels who seem to have walked straight out of the pages of Vogue sit in an oil rig.

Once again, only George Miller.

People spray their mouths with . . . something. Shiny. Seems to make them bat-shit crazy. Self means, crazier than they already are.

GM, genius.

Skullface.

GM, again genius.

There IS, in this movie, mention of the following: Valhalla, breeders, bags of sun, dying “historic” and half-life.

Charlize Theron at the end seems to have lost an eye. Thankfully, the eyelid is closed.

Woman gets shot in the leg. Charlize: “How does it feel?” Shot woman: “It hurts.” Charlize: “Out here, everything hurts.”

Casting Sweet Nicholas Hoult as nihilistic “War Boy” Nux. All hail, casting director.

There is a race of white people. Self doesn’t mean Caucasian white. She means Sankai Juko/ buto white. The albino look somehow giving viewers the FEELZ for this awful future dystopia.

The smearing of black across the cheekbones somehow translates to: I’m coming for you, a**holes. And I will CRUSH you. Exhibit A: Charlize

Because out there in the wasteland, symbolic gestures are everything.

Tom Hardy finally gets to give his growl maximum (and welcome) exposure.

Self can’t even.

Stay tuned.

Quote of The Day: NOT Clockwork Princess

“Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.” — Albert Einstein

You’re welcome.

CLOCKWORK PRINCESS, p. 212

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Every death scene, no matter whose (with the possible exception of Benedict Lightwood’s) — kills self.

Really, really kills.

The characters say things as they die that — UGH.

Since self’s favorite thing in The Infernal Devices is the dialogue, the fact that someone is dying is a really good reason to get those FEELZ out, in verbal manner.

And on p. 212 — eyes gushing like a faucet, self experiences a death scene.

(It ain’t Will’s, though — BWAH. HA. HA. If it were, she’d never read another word of the series)

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Chapter XXVIII, FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR: Pudd’nhead Wilson Quote

Self does remember telling dear blog readers a little while back that each chapter of Following the Equator began with a quote from Pudd’nhead Wilson.

And many’s the time she fully intended to share a Pudd’nhead Wilson quote, but that resolution usually fell by the wayside because she is having so much fun reading the Cassandra Clare trilogy, The Infernal Devices.

But now self will make a Pudd’nhead Wilson quote. Here it comes. Ready?

  • Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Only Self’s Twentieth Infernal Devices Post: CLOCKWORK PRINCESS, p. 116

Self adores every Magnus Bane/ Will Herondale interaction, huh.

In Clockwork Prince, p. 404 (True, self still hasn’t mailed it back to her niece. Even though she promised), Will goes to Magnus’s house and meets the werewolf (and head of the lupine clan) Woolsey-Scott. (This is where it gets a little confusing for self, as whenever she reads the name Woolsey she immediately thinks of Cardinal Woolsey in some British historical event. Most likely one involving Henry VIII?)

Will is a little confused, because Woolsey keeps flirting with him. He says to Magnus, “Your note to me did have something to do with demon summoning, didn’t it? This isn’t you . . . calling in your favor, is it?”

And what exactly might that little favor be, Pretty Boy Will Herondale?

BWAH. HA. HA.

Never fear, dear reader. Author Cassandra Clare never actually goes there. But there is enough double entendre sprinkled about to set the gears spinning. And to fuel 900+ fan fictions.

READ ON IF YOU LIKE SPOILERS. EVEN TEENSY ONES.

On to Clockwork Princess. In which Tessa Gray is being so tiresomely devoted to Jem Carstairs. No wishy-washy back and forth for this girl! She loves the dying angel. As would we all. If we happened to live in a Victorian novel. Freudian analysts would have such a field day with this: Tessa Gray prefers a dying (and certifiably angelic) boy to the virile boy because she secretly fears . . . DUN DUN DUN

Anyhoo, enough of that twit. Magnus Bane is turning out to be quite an ambivalent character. Never once does he express any kind of feelings for Will, but hello, it’s all in the sub-text.

p. 116

“Take this.” He folded it into Will’s hand.

Will looked at him in confusion. “This was Camille’s.”

“I gave it to her as a gift,” said Magnus, a bitter quirk to the side of his mouth. “She returned all my gifts to me last month. You might as well take it. It warns when demons are close. It might work on those clockwork creations of Mortmain’s.”

“True love cannot die,” Will said, translating the inscription on the back in the light from the corridor. “I can’t wear this, Magnus. It’s too pretty for a man.”

“So are you.”

Will, Will, Will. Can you be any less thick? Do you not see how ridiculous this whole situation is? You are in love with a woman who doesn’t love you, and in the meantime you keep asking favors of Magnus Bane, which will have to be repaid at some point, and . . .

Never mind.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Sentence of the Day: CLOCKWORK PRINCESS, p. 41

During a climactic action sequence involving a giant worm (Think Tremors, the movie), this sentence:

  • The worm’s thin, annulated tail was wrapped around his knees.

SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER IF ONLY SELF HAD A SHORTCUT SO SHE DIDN’T HAVE TO KEEP TYPING OUT THE WORD SPOILER

Self tried to picture it: a worm with its tail wrapped around its knees. Would that mean Benedict Lightwood Iteration (i.e. Worm) is sitting on his or its bum, with its tail wrapped around itself? But hold on, how would a worm have knees?

Then, with awful pitching of her belly, self realizes, those are not the Worm’s own knees that its tail is wrapped around. Those are Will Herondale’s knees!

Oh no oh no oh no oh nooooo!  Self can’t, she can’t even!!!!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Beginning Clockwork Princess

Self is knee-deep in current WIP (18th century Filipino priest! Tons of incident! A secret love!) but she still has to find out what happens to Will Herondale.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Clockwork Princess, the third book in The Infernal Devices Trilogy, begins with Tessa in a gold wedding dress.

You know what self likes so much about Infernal Devices author Cassandra Clare? She never lets her two main men, Magnus Bane or Will Herondale, wallow.

So Tess Gray broke Will’s heart in Clockwork Prince. Now, it’s off to the new, which is taking care of Will’s younger sister, Cecily. It is wonderful seeing Will through her eyes!

With Tessa adorned in her wedding finery, there is a sudden arrival from Gabriel Lightfoot, and the following conversation ensues between Gideon (who has moved into the London Institute and secretly pines for Sophie, the ladies’ maid with the scar on her face) and Gabriel:

“Is father hurt?” Gideon went on, coming to a stop before his brother. “Are you?” He put his hand up and took his brother’s face, his hand cupping Gabriel’s chin and turning it toward him. Though Gabriel was taller, the look of a younger sibling was clear in his face — relief that his brother was there, and a flicker of resentment at his peremptory tone.

“Father . . . ” Gabriel began. “Father is a worm.”

At first self was thinking: Benedict Lightwood, worm — well, in the metaphorical sense. Right? Right?

But no. Cassandra Clare does not shrink from making one of her trilogy’s main antagonists turn into an actual worm. It’s just so, so — Kafka-esque!

Woman, you are brilliant. Just, brilliant.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

The Lugubrious Bridget: CLOCKWORK PRINCE, pp. 494 – 495

There is a new servant girl at the London Institute of the Shadowhunters, one Bridget.

She is a most interesting person.

AGAIN: SPOILERS. THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

Since her arrival, she has been singing the most lugubrious songs. For instance, here’s the song Bridget sings when Tessa is about to change into Jessamine and meet her dastardly half-brother Nate to find out what he can reveal about nasty Mortmain aka the Magister.

So John took out of his pocket
A knife both long and sharp,
And stuck it through his brother’s heart,
And the blood came pouring down.
Says John to William, “Take off thy shirt,
And tear it from gore to gore,
And wrap it round your bleeding heart,
And the blood will pour no more.

And just before Jem announces his engagement to Tessa, Bridget can be heard in the kitchen, singing:

‘Twas an evening fair I went to take the air,
I heard a maid making her moan;
Said, ‘Saw ye my father? Or saw ye my mother?
Or saw ye my brother John?
Or saw ye the lad that I love best,
And his name it is Sweet William?

Anyhoo, that engagement announcement scene just about broke self’s heart. And Will Herondale is the first (naturally) to congratulate the happy pair. And self wished for nothing more than for Jem and Tessa to go off somewhere, crawl into a hole, and die.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Shut Up, Throat!

Self is soooo soooo tired of the cough.

She’s had it almost a week since Sunday. It’s that wheezing kind, the kind that has your chest heaving in the middle of a very important reading. While everyone is concentrating so hard on every word that falls from the reader’s lips, you’re there in the back trying to quell your . . . explosion . . . of icky phlegm . . . from landing on someone’s shoulders or back.

Today, she apologized again to Dan, her neighbor across the way. Because he must be thinking to himself, GOOD LORD HOW LONG IS THAT WOMAN’S INFERNAL COUGH GOING TO LAST? He swears he doesn’t hear a thing. Not true. Because she can hear when someone’s coughing in the hallway just oustide.

Plus, Dan’s Canadian. Think a Canadian’s ever going to be rude enough to tell self: Will you muffle your coughs with a wet towel or something? Man oh man! How long is this going to go on?

No, Dan being Canadian, he very sweetly assures self that Jesse, down the hall, has been apologizing for the same thing (Self has never actually seen Jesse about. Not since last Wednesday, during a reading at the Wild Flour Artisan Bakery downtown, when we shared zinc lozenges)

She doesn’t know if it’s the dry weather here in Banff, or just general run-of-the-mill tiredness, but man. She swears she’s going to kill herself if she wakes up tomorrow still coughing. And this is only half of 2015. How lovely. The rest of the year awaits.

Having a cough for one whole week during a residency is the equivalent of using a sick bag during an airplane ride: Your airplane seatmate never wants to speak to you again, no matter how many times you gargle in the plane lavatory. Hope you weren’t heading home from an AWP Conference, because you can just kiss that connection good-bye.

She’s trying to write her 18th century WIP, so as a way to distract herself (Can you believe it’s PAST MIDNIGHT? How did that happen?), she makes a list of things she intends to include in the chapter she’s currently grappling with, things sufficiently 18th-century-sounding, like:

  • hourglass
  • wind
  • seawater
  • gust of wind
  • night
  • darkness
  • the shore
  • the sky
  • the sun

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

CLOCKWORK ANGEL, p. 387

SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT SPOILER ALERT

It was cold today in Banff. Self feels like she is coming down with a serious head cold. Never mind! She has Cassandra Clare to keep her company. Everlasting gratitude to her niece Karina for recommending The Infernal Devices trilogy. Holy holy moly. Only two words fill her vocabulary at this moment:

WILL. HERONDALE.

Cassandra Clare, you are genius.

On p. 387, it is the night of the full moon and the Clave has gone to strike the vampires led by de Quincey (who formed an uncommon attachment to Will’s neck when he was pretending to be a subjugate at the party at which Tessa Gray was channeling a vampire named Charlotte and if that is too much for you just buy the book for heaven’s sake!)

Will and Jem, a flighty girl named Jessamine, two servant girls and Tessa Gray are left alone in the Institute. Suddenly, they receive a very unexpected visit from a mundane named Mortmain (and every nerve in self’s body is screaming, Don’t you put any credence in what this shifty mundane tells you, Will Herondale!)

The following conversation ensues:

Will’s blue eyes were dark and thoughtful. “Thank you for the information,” he said, “but de Quincey will soon be no more of a threat to us, or his mechanical monsters, either.”

Mortmain’s eyes widened. “Is the Clave to move against the Magister? Tonight?”

“Goodness,” said Will. “You really do know all the terms, don’t you. It’s very disconcerting in a mundane.” He smiled pleasantly.

So blah blah blah ensues and Will and Jem decide  to go check out Mortmain’s story. Tessa Gray wants to accompany them but Will tells her she can’t. At which point the following conversation ensues:

She turned her gaze back to Will. “But what about Boadicea?”

For a moment she thought he’d forgotten what he’d said to her in the library. Then the glimmer of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, as if he’d tried to fight it and couldn’t. “You will be Boadicea someday, Tessa,” he said, “but not tonight.”

And then, chapter ends on a cliff-y!

And the next chapter begins with a quote from Robert Browning, his poem “The Lost Leader”:

Blot out his name, then, record one lost soul more
One task more declin’d, one more footpath untrod,
One more devil’s triumph and sorrow for angels

Dying, dying, dying.

Stay tuned.

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