Things About Sandman Slim

Things that are cool about Sandman Slim:

  • He is Nephilim.
  • He has a flaming sword called Gladius (like a light saber, but cooler).
  • He has PTSD from being in Hell.
  • He can go anywhere, anywhere in the world, as long as he can find a shadow.
  • His ride is called the Hellion Hog.
  • While in Hell, he developed a taste for Malediction cigarettes.

Things that are not cool about Sandman Slim:

  • Janet
  • Janet
  • Janet again
  • Just, in general, Janet and their lack of ambition. She works in a donut shop. (This does not seem like a “transitional” phase.) She explained to Sandman Slim that she is against binary pronouns — he/she. He must always refer to them as “they” or whatever.
  • Janet is tiresome. They are the type of woman who likes their men to rescue them. Notice I have to submit to calling Janet “they/them” because that is how they want Sandman Slim to refer to them. And they are mixed up. Did self say already how weird they are?
  • They belong to a club where people find sexy ways to commit suicide, such as rushing straight across a freeway during rush hour traffic. To get into this club, Sandman Slim must show how adventurous he is by killing a vampire. He does it handily because of supernatural ability. Also because of flaming sword. Mostly he just does it to impress Janet. Which is lame, boring. Because they are boring.

Anyhoo, self is reading fast now and hopefully will get to her next book, a memoir by Elizabeth Berg, about aging and how we all must go through it, blah blah blah. Hopefully it will NOT be depressing, because nothing’s worse than reading a book about aging and being depressed. Also, it’s about a real-life couple who have a great love, and sometimes it’s depressing to read about that.

But oh, it’s such a gorgeous day. And oh btw, she edited a story and sent it out. Her story’s about exploration, and discovery, and about how a one’s character can pretty much dictate the arc of one’s life, and when you get to the end, do you say, What’s next? Or do you say, What was that all about? Or do you say nothing.

Stay safe, dear blog readers. Stay safe.

Allegra

“I want you to do some magic to make it tame, but what’s the use of petting a tiger?”

Ballistic Kiss, p. 127

Vidocq

Sandman Slim encounters sees a man named Vidocq who tells him very many things:

  • “You are a Nephilim. The last of your kind. We don’t have any trustworthy descriptions of previous Nephilim. We have no idea if their complexions were smooth . . . your scars are simply part of your divine nature . . . I’m sure this process will continue and that you’ll acquire new scars in the future.”
  • “Nothing is ever the same the second time. It might be worse. It might be better. But it’s never the same.”

Dear blog readers can tell how much self is enjoying this novel. She found out today that it is the penultimate of the series. GAH. She also found out that in the book previous to this, Sandman Slim was in Hell, and readers were generally not liking it as much as the ones set in L.A.

Don’t know whether to go with this opinion or not. All she knows is that Sandman Slim returned to L.A. with a fondness for Malediction cigarettes and a desperate longing to appear normal.

L.A. is the best setting for fiction. Self doesn’t think she’s read a single L.A. novel that she hasn’t liked.

Stay safe, dear blog readers. Stay safe.

Sandman Slim’s Grade A Party Trick Game

I walk to a shadow at the far side of the room and step through it. Come out behind Janet.

“Boo.”

She jumps like she saw a rattlesnake.

“How did you do that? That was cool.”

Sandman Slim Entertains

He has a meltdown. On the way home from the grocery store (He’s bought $500 worth of groceries), he gets involved in a road rage incident (This is L.A.), but the worst part is realizing that he forgot to get beer.

His friend Janet tells him, “You’ll get the hang of parties again. They’re pretty easy when you stop panicking, which you clearly are.”

Teddy

“When I call Teddy a ghoul I don’t mean he’s a creep or anything. He’s a real ghoul — he eats people.” — p. 31

LOLZ!

There’s a surprise on every page of this novel.

Stay safe, dear blog readers. Stay safe.

Hello, My Ride

Behind the dumpster is something wrapped in a dirty tarp, with stones holding the edges down. I kick the stones away on one side and toss back the tarp. And get my first look at the Hellion Hog in — how long? Well over a year.

Ballistic Kiss, p. 28

The Hellion Hog doesn’t have a key because no one can ride it but me. I get a grip on the handlebars and kick the bike to life.

— p. 29

Smile at a Rabid Dog

The supernatural killer (whose name self can’t quite remember, but it’s easy not to get him mixed up with other characters; he’s the narrator) goes into an L.A. supermarket, determined “to shop the hell out of this place.”

First encounter: “a young guy in a spotless apron” asks him, “Care to try a sausage?”

Narrator (“trying to act like a normal person chatting with another normal person”): It reminds me of manticore tail.

Young Guy: Manticore?

Narrator: You know, those big fuckers that graze along the Styx.

“He smiles at me the way you smile at a rabid dog, hoping it will bite the guy across the room and not you.”

LOL

LOL

LOL

Thoughts of a Ghost Janitor

I’m nervous about her coming to the party. So I’ll be extra polite, wear a clean shirt, and try not to set anything on fire.

Ballistic Kiss, p. 19

Self is excited about this party the MC’s been referring to since opening pages. He’s even lining up movies for his guests: Face/Off, Con-Air (Movies self has watched more than once! Did self mention how excited she was for this party? Something big is sure to go down!)

Stay safe, dear blog readers. Stay safe.

The Narrator, Ballistic Kiss

Which is when the fucking phone rings again. For a minute I feel a twinge of relief, hoping it’s Candy with a good excuse to cancel the party. Instead it’s Abbott. My landlord. His calls, I can’t ignore. I put the phone on speaker and say hello as I continue cleaning the weapons.

pp. 10 – 11

Ha. Ha. Ha. What is this series? It’s self’s first Sandman Slim. Loving the tone.

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