Chapter XXVIII, FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR: Pudd’nhead Wilson Quote

Self does remember telling dear blog readers a little while back that each chapter of Following the Equator began with a quote from Pudd’nhead Wilson.

And many’s the time she fully intended to share a Pudd’nhead Wilson quote, but that resolution usually fell by the wayside because she is having so much fun reading the Cassandra Clare trilogy, The Infernal Devices.

But now self will make a Pudd’nhead Wilson quote. Here it comes. Ready?

  • Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Only Self’s Twentieth Infernal Devices Post: CLOCKWORK PRINCESS, p. 116

Self adores every Magnus Bane/ Will Herondale interaction, huh.

In Clockwork Prince, p. 404 (True, self still hasn’t mailed it back to her niece. Even though she promised), Will goes to Magnus’s house and meets the werewolf (and head of the lupine clan) Woolsey-Scott. (This is where it gets a little confusing for self, as whenever she reads the name Woolsey she immediately thinks of Cardinal Woolsey in some British historical event. Most likely one involving Henry VIII?)

Will is a little confused, because Woolsey keeps flirting with him. He says to Magnus, “Your note to me did have something to do with demon summoning, didn’t it? This isn’t you . . . calling in your favor, is it?”

And what exactly might that little favor be, Pretty Boy Will Herondale?

BWAH. HA. HA.

Never fear, dear reader. Author Cassandra Clare never actually goes there. But there is enough double entendre sprinkled about to set the gears spinning. And to fuel 900+ fan fictions.

READ ON IF YOU LIKE SPOILERS. EVEN TEENSY ONES.

On to Clockwork Princess. In which Tessa Gray is being so tiresomely devoted to Jem Carstairs. No wishy-washy back and forth for this girl! She loves the dying angel. As would we all. If we happened to live in a Victorian novel. Freudian analysts would have such a field day with this: Tessa Gray prefers a dying (and certifiably angelic) boy to the virile boy because she secretly fears . . . DUN DUN DUN

Anyhoo, enough of that twit. Magnus Bane is turning out to be quite an ambivalent character. Never once does he express any kind of feelings for Will, but hello, it’s all in the sub-text.

p. 116

“Take this.” He folded it into Will’s hand.

Will looked at him in confusion. “This was Camille’s.”

“I gave it to her as a gift,” said Magnus, a bitter quirk to the side of his mouth. “She returned all my gifts to me last month. You might as well take it. It warns when demons are close. It might work on those clockwork creations of Mortmain’s.”

“True love cannot die,” Will said, translating the inscription on the back in the light from the corridor. “I can’t wear this, Magnus. It’s too pretty for a man.”

“So are you.”

Will, Will, Will. Can you be any less thick? Do you not see how ridiculous this whole situation is? You are in love with a woman who doesn’t love you, and in the meantime you keep asking favors of Magnus Bane, which will have to be repaid at some point, and . . .

Never mind.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Sentence of the Day: CLOCKWORK PRINCESS, p. 41

During a climactic action sequence involving a giant worm (Think Tremors, the movie), this sentence:

  • The worm’s thin, annulated tail was wrapped around his knees.

SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER IF ONLY SELF HAD A SHORTCUT SO SHE DIDN’T HAVE TO KEEP TYPING OUT THE WORD SPOILER

Self tried to picture it: a worm with its tail wrapped around its knees. Would that mean Benedict Lightwood Iteration (i.e. Worm) is sitting on his or its bum, with its tail wrapped around itself? But hold on, how would a worm have knees?

Then, with awful pitching of her belly, self realizes, those are not the Worm’s own knees that its tail is wrapped around. Those are Will Herondale’s knees!

Oh no oh no oh no oh nooooo!¬† Self can’t, she can’t even!!!!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Beginning Clockwork Princess

Self is knee-deep in current WIP (18th century Filipino priest! Tons of incident! A secret love!) but she still has to find out what happens to Will Herondale.

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

Clockwork Princess, the third book in The Infernal Devices Trilogy, begins with Tessa in a gold wedding dress.

You know what self likes so much about Infernal Devices author Cassandra Clare? She never lets her two main men, Magnus Bane or Will Herondale, wallow.

So Tess Gray broke Will’s heart in Clockwork Prince. Now, it’s off to the new, which is taking care of Will’s younger sister, Cecily. It is wonderful seeing Will through her eyes!

With Tessa adorned in her wedding finery, there is a sudden arrival from Gabriel Lightfoot, and the following conversation ensues between Gideon (who has moved into the London Institute and secretly pines for Sophie, the ladies’ maid with the scar on her face) and Gabriel:

“Is father hurt?” Gideon went on, coming to a stop before his brother. “Are you?” He put his hand up and took his brother’s face, his hand cupping Gabriel’s chin and turning it toward him. Though Gabriel was taller, the look of a younger sibling was clear in his face — relief that his brother was there, and a flicker of resentment at his peremptory tone.

“Father . . . ” Gabriel began. “Father is a worm.”

At first self was thinking: Benedict Lightwood, worm — well, in the metaphorical sense. Right? Right?

But no. Cassandra Clare does not shrink from making one of her trilogy’s main antagonists turn into an actual worm. It’s just so, so — Kafka-esque!

Woman, you are brilliant. Just, brilliant.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

The Lugubrious Bridget: CLOCKWORK PRINCE, pp. 494 – 495

There is a new servant girl at the London Institute of the Shadowhunters, one Bridget.

She is a most interesting person.

AGAIN: SPOILERS. THERE WILL BE SPOILERS.

Since her arrival, she has been singing the most lugubrious songs. For instance, here’s the song Bridget sings when Tessa is about to change into Jessamine and meet her dastardly half-brother Nate to find out what he can reveal about nasty Mortmain aka the Magister.

So John took out of his pocket
A knife both long and sharp,
And stuck it through his brother’s heart,
And the blood came pouring down.
Says John to William, “Take off thy shirt,
And tear it from gore to gore,
And wrap it round your bleeding heart,
And the blood will pour no more.

And just before Jem announces his engagement to Tessa, Bridget can be heard in the kitchen, singing:

‘Twas an evening fair I went to take the air,
I heard a maid making her moan;
Said, ‘Saw ye my father? Or saw ye my mother?
Or saw ye my brother John?
Or saw ye the lad that I love best,
And his name it is Sweet William?

Anyhoo, that engagement announcement scene just about broke self’s heart. And Will Herondale is the first (naturally) to congratulate the happy pair. And self wished for nothing more than for Jem and Tessa to go off somewhere, crawl into a hole, and die.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Sentence of the Day, CLOCKWORK PRINCE, p. 389

Self is still reading Mark Twain, but to Twain does not belong the Sentence of the Day (Is that even correct grammar, self? Something wrong with the construction, apparently. Nevertheless)

She has reached p. 453 of Clockwork Prince! And tomorrow she mails the book back to her niece in Calgary, who lent her a hardback collector’s edition. Thank you soooo soooo much, Karina, for introducing self to The Infernal Devices! (And oh by the way she’s still into Peeta Mellark, and she still writes Hunger Games Everlark fan fiction, and she’s also still in the Banff Writing Studio, but none of that matters now, because, because — now she has to reveal her Sentence of the Day!)

SPOILER ALERT MAJOR SPOILER ALERT DO NOT READ IF YOU HATE SPOILERS

The climax of Clockwork Prince is when Magnus Bane kisses Will Herondale.

Ooops — NOT!

Clockwork Prince is a really great novel. Self would have given it five stars if not for all those wasted scenes between taking-so-slow-to-die Jem Carstairs and that Silly Twit Tessa Gray.

There is no sentence like a Cassandra Clare sentence when she describes Will Herondale in action. Allow the slight digression, dear blog readers, but self will never forget that sentence on p. 446 of Clockwork Angel when Will was hurrying to save Tessa from the evil and lascivious clutches of a certain gentleman (This is Victorian London, after all! Did you perhaps think this was a Sarah Waters novel — BWAH. HA. HA!), and he has to ride bareback through the streets of 19th century London, and he has to take out his stele while on a dead run, and he hits a locked door in the Institute, whereupon:

He slashed the stele across the door’s surface, creating the fastest Open rune of his life.

Now, in Clockwork Prince, tiresome Jem has broken a leg or something and is completely useless against a giant automaton and Tess’s dastardly brother Nate has been quite brutally slappiing Tess about, and only Will is left to protect Tess from an explosion set off by one of Henry’s infernal contraptions, and of course after it goes off Tess is all sad because her evil brother has died, and very belatedly she looks at Will and notices that he is lying very still because:

His gear had been shredded all along his spine and shoulder blades, the thick material torn by flying shards of razored metal.

EEEEK!!!

NOOOOOO!!!

So once again, Cassandra Clare has dug in the knife and self can’t even.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

The Magnetic Magnus Bane (Scenes from CLOCKWORK PRINCE)

Self became curious about The Infernal Devices fan fiction so she spent a little time exploring it today.

It turns out that 90% is about the Warlock Magnus Bane.

In addition, and this was quite surprising to self, the fan fiction for TID is overwhelmingly man/man. And the number of works featuring three-somes (Will/Tessa/Jem) outnumber those featuring Will/Tessa, or what followers of TID refer to as WESSA (Fans of a Jem/Tessa pairing identify as JESSA). Granted, this is probably more information than dear blog readers care to know, but self finds the difference with The Hunger Games fan fiction completely fascinating. In Hunger Games fan fiction, Everlark dominates. Which means: Katniss/Peeta. Which means the relationship is M/F.

Will Herondale IS very pretty, though. Nearly set off a riot at the Vampire Ball in Clockwork Angel, as self has said at least 10x, in 10 different posts! (When is this going to become a movie? She knows The Mortal Instruments series is going to be a television show, but she thinks TID deserves the large-screen treatment. Most definitely)

Anyhoo, Magnus Bane has a more prominent role in Clockwork Prince than he did in Clockwork Angel because Will Herondale keeps showing up at his house. And most of the time, Will is dripping wet (having walked in the rain — naturally) and in some kind of emotional funk over the curse that was laid on him back in Wales when he was 12, which means he can never let any one love him because they will die, which sucks because he’s fallen in love with Tessa who also happens to be falling in love with Jem.

SPOILER ALERT OF COURSE SPOILER ALERT

On p. 145 of Clockwork Prince, Will shows up at Magnus’s, and Will explains the demon curse hanging over his head, and why he’s told no one else, only Magnus, because “a story like that might engender pity, pity could become attachment, and then . . . ”

Magnus raised his eyebrows. “Are you not concerned about me?”

And a shocked Will says, “That you might love me?”

And then you can hear a pin drop but never fear, Magnus does not make a pass at Will Herondale. At least, not right at that moment.

160 pages later (Dear blog readers have no idea how fast self can read when she puts her mind to it), Will is asleep on a couch in Magnus’s sitting room. Never fear, he’s still *untouched* by Magnus, lol. Magnus has fallen asleep in an armchair in front of the fire, and Will is sleeping on the couch. Enter Camille! She who is known as THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND ALLURING VAMPIRE EVER!

“Magnus,” quoth Camille. “Did you miss me?”

And Magnus stammers out something like, “I didn’t know you were coming, Camille!”

And Camille casts a very telling glance at Will asleep on the sofa and says, “Clearly.”

Here’s the rest of that scene:

Gliding behind the sofa, she leaned over the back, looking down into Will’s face. “Will Herondale,” she said. “He is lovely, isn’t he? Is he your newest amusement?”

Instead of answering, Magnus crossed his long legs in front of him. “Where have you been?”

Camille leaned forward farther; if she had had breath, it would have stirred the curling dark hair on Will’s forehead. “Can I kiss him?”

CLOCKWORK PRINCE, p. 318

CLOCKWORK PRINCE, p. 318

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

What? What? What? NOOOOOOOO!

SPOILERS GALORE AS PER USUAL

p. 293 of Clockwork Prince:

Tessa and Will have another stake-out. This time, instead of a Vampire Ball, it’s a Demon’s Ball. Not as interesting, but hey, this is the ball at which beautiful Will Herondale keeps saying Tessa’s name, over and over, because “I love your name. I love the sound of it.” It also helps that she’s wearing a very tight corset because her dress belonged to Jessamine, that incorrigible, shameless, flirt, and a corset makes even the most flat-chested woman look curvaceous.

So they’re finally alone on a balcony, and —

“So there you two are,” comes a voice.

DRAAAAAT! That Warlock Magnus Bane has followed them!

The two whirl away from each other in shame, and Magnus says, “Let me guess. You had the lemonade.”

!!!##@@!!!

The lemonade “had a bit of warlock powder mixed into it,” says Magnus. “The kind that lowers your inhibitions.”

Damn you, Magnus Bane! Damn you to Warlock Hell or wherever!

Stay tuned.

Too Much! Cassandra Clare, You Are Simply Too Much!

Now, where were we? Oh yes, self caught about six hours, then woke up to resume reading Clockwork Prince.

As usual, SPOILERS!

In addition: Trigger Warning: Possible Incestuous Relationship

Tessa and Will are off to a masked ball, Tessa impersonating Jessamine while Jessamine is out cold, hit on the head with a mirror and tied to her bed by the very resourceful lady’s maid (the one with the big red scar right across her face). Author Cassandra Clare has found a good excuse for the pair not to have Jem along. (Thank goodness! After his make-out with Tessa the previous night, it’s got to be Will’s turn!)

Unlike the ball in Clockwork Angel, which was for vampires, where Will had to pretend to be Tessa’s subjugate, this one is given by Benedict Lightwood, who has a thing for demons — smelly things with multiple tongues, bug eyes, green skin, and so forth. Nothing compared to vampires, self thinks dear blog readers will agree.

Clare wickedly has Tessa pretend to be Jessamine, who is in love with Nate Grey (Tessa’s dastardly brother), so at the ball (which is masked, BTW), Tess has to subject herself to listening to sweet nothings from her own brother. Will she do it, self wonders? Will Clare actually have Nate kiss his own sister? Will Tessa have no choice but to submit, for the purposes of the investigation? Read on:

Nate’s hand slipped around the back of her neck. He was wearing gloves, but Tessa couldn’t rid herself of the feeling that something slimy was touching her skin. “My little Jessie,” he murmured. “You behave almost as if you’ve forgotten your own part in this. You did hide the Book of White in my sister’s room as we asked you to, did you not?”

“Of — of course I did. I was only joking, Nate.”

“That’s my good girl.” He was leaning closer. He was definitely going to kiss her.

Oh Heavens to Mergatroid!!!

And Heavens to Mergatroid again!!!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

The Plot Twists! Oh, the Plot Twists! CLOCKWORK PRINCE, p. 257

SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER ad infinitum

Self still hasn’t quite gotten over her sense of pique at Tessa Gray for engaging in almost-consummated sex with picturesquely dying Jem Carstairs while Will Herondale, who Tessa and Jem have just fetched from an opium den, continues in abject misery because he has to keep concealing his love for Tessa because you know he is cursed by a Demon who was kept in a little box in Wales (The Pyxis?) — the curse being that EVERYONE WHO LOVES WILL HERONDALE WILL DIE. DIE DIE DIE!

Tessa makes up for her going-to-Jem-late-at-night-while-clad-only-in-dressing-gown which leads to of course that because the very next night, author Cassandra Clare comes up with a perfectly good excuse for Tessa to appear in front of Will Herondale also clad in just a dressing gown, but as SEEMS TO BE happening more and more in CLOCKWORK PRINCE (and well might self think: How very DEUS EX MACHINA! To have Tessa constantly prancing around in a dressing gown late at night), there is always a third person present or about-to-be-present when Tessa appears in deshabillé. So Will cannot, you know, act.

Lest you think that CLOCKWORK PRINCE is all about Tessa alternating appearances between Jem and Will while clad only in a dressing gown, self would like you to know that after that crazy make-out session with Jem, self would be VERY VERY VERY upset if Will didn’t get his chance as well.

If only Sophie would get out of the room.

Anyhoo, this chapter is mighty amusing (as opposed to the earlier chapter, the make-out one between Jem and Tessa, which was just — UNSPEAKABLE AND DISGUSTING!).

Sophie, who’s getting a little man action of her own (with Gideon Lightfoot — let me tell ya, these names are WAY WAY WAY better than the names in The Hunger Games), has hit Jessamine over the head with a mirror and knocked her out cold (This is self’s second-favorite hit-someone-over-the-head scene in a Cassandra Clare novel. CLOCKWORK ANGEL had Jessamine knocking out Nate Grey by hitting him on his head with a lamp) and in addition Sophie has taken the added precaution of tying Jessamine’s wrists to a bedpost.

Self is mighty pleased that the person Tessa chooses to consult with about the Jessamine dilemma is Will (It can’t be Jem because of some hoo-ha about Sophie being secretly in love with Jem and being too embarrassed to have Jem find out that she is the type of person who can hit someone over the head with a mirror), and she is also mightly pleased that Will declares they cannot disturb Jem because he is he is — DYING?

No, not exactly. How about CLOSE TO DYING. Blood coming out his mouth when he coughs and all that. (Self thinks: DIE already, Jem, DIE!) Excellent! Now Will has the chance to embark another adventure with just Tessa.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

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