Olympics Coverage: Monday, 8 August 2016

Forget Gisele. What everyone watching the Olympics Opening Ceremony wants to know is: Who was the Tongan guy?

Did you see the US Swim team take the gold in the Relay?

Who was the Tongan guy? What was that on his body making his skin shine? Some extra-special high-gloss coconut oil?

Who was the Tongan guy? Close-ups, please!

He’s competing in Tae-kwon-do. When’s that event? Are they going to televise it? What time?

Who was the Tongan guy?

All over the morning news shows, dear blog readers.

LOL LOL LOL

Stay tuned.

Catching Up: “Gotham”

Young Bruce Wayne confronts his Manager of Operations!

Bruce: Wayne Enterprises is committing hundreds of crimes!

Manager: Of course! We are a multi-national corporation!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

News, First Friday in August 2016

APPLE MAKES SLIGHT DIVERSITY GAINS (Wall Street Journal, Thursday, 4 August 2016)

And that’s news?

LOL LOL LOL LOL

Stay tuned.

Everlarkian Feelz 2

Instead of the Hunger Games we have a hotly contested election for the presidency of Panem.

One of the candidates for President is Alma Coin. Her slogan: 24 YEARS OF PEACE. 24 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE. SUPPORT PRESIDENT COIN.

Among her achievements: “She continued the availability of tesserae within the poorest districts of Panem, including District 12, up to six times a year for residents who qualified.”

Mayor Undersee is welcoming candidate Coin to 12 with a themed banquet, “Taste of District 12.”

Unbenknownst to almost everyone in 12, Katniss and Peeta have been exchanging clandestine kisses in the janitor’s closet of the local school.

How are all of these threads connected? You would know if you read fan fiction.

Stay tuned.

 

Easy Open Cap, Complete Nonsense

See the words on the lid of this bottle of macapuno (coconut fruit preserves)?

Self has been trying to get at the contents for two days. Granted, anyone who spends two days trying to open a bottle must be bonkers. But self really, really loves macapuno. And she hasn’t had any in about 10 years.

In Redwood City, she used to have this nifty thingamajig by Zyliss that wrenches open bottle caps in 10 seconds. But here, she hasn’t seen any store that sells the thing. So, she has to resort to:

  • running bottle neck under warm water
  • pounding on top lid with knife, block of wood, and hammer
  • inserting knife tip under the lid to break seal
  • wrapping lid with rubber bands and twisting and twisting and twisting

The Filipino manufacturer should be proud! They have perfected the super-tight seal! Bottle lid’s tighter than a seal on an oil rig! Paging BP Oil! No, even better, paging NASA!

In the meantime, those words EASY OPEN CAP on the lid are simply taunting her. Has the manufacturer never heard of “truth in advertising”? This dilemma has also given rise to snarky thoughts such as: You want the macapuno? You can’t handle the macapuno!

This problem would not occur in the Philippines where self recalls never having to touch food of any kind — because of help! LOL — unless it is delivered on a tray.

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Jar of Macapuno, Absolutely Impenetrable. “Easy Open Cap.” Bought two days ago. Enough is enough. Tossing today. Good-bye, $3.99

When all hope is lost, self shares her dilemma on Facebook. Which then leads to a Filipina sending her a link to this instructional video, which contains the words: “Even a two-year-old should have no problem opening a bottle lid using this method.”

LOL LOL LOL

Stay tuned.

Really Delightful: Hanna in Anne Enright’s THE GREEN ROAD

The following excerpt could be either funny or sad, depending on your mood. Hanna is an aspiring actress with a drinking problem:

. . .  that evening, somehow, the baby got hold of her little Innocent bottle and spat the stuff out, spilling it all down his front and, never mind the hole in the fucking universe, when Hugh smelt the alcohol off the baby’s Breton striped Petit Bateau, the world as Hanna knew it came to an end.

. . .  The thing was through the washing machine on the instant, so Hugh had no hard evidence. But he had the baby. He was sleeping in the baby’s room. He would not fight with Hanna, he said, but he would not leave her alone with the baby. And when it came to Christmas he would take the baby home.

Hanna said, “That’s a relief. No, really. Childcare at last. Fucking fantastic.”

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

2nd ‘Alice in Wonderland’ Quote of the Day

If I meant that, I’d have said it.

— Humpty Dumpty to Alice in Alice in Wonderland, Chapter VI (“Humpty Dumpty”)

Too Funny! More Anne Enright

  • It was very ageing — fat. It made her daughter look like an old woman, which was a kind of insult, after all the care that was put into the rearing of her. The coat didn’t help. It was like an anorak, almost.

The Green Road, p. 160

CHERRY ON TOP: MORE OF THE 2016 CALGARY STAMPEDE

This week’s Daily Post Photo Challenge is: CHERRY ON TOP.

This week, share a photo of a detail that makes a good thing even better.

— Michelle W., The Daily Post

Self goes searching back over her photos. She takes her time about it because she has thousands.

She decides to post more from the 2016 Calgary Stampede.

That event is great fun. From the carnival prizes to the everyone-in-cowboy-boots-and-hats affect to the way-too-many food booths selling everything from Colossal Onions to Deep-Fried Cheesecake (Please, do not ever go to Calgary if you are attempting to lose weight). The weather cooperated, too: it was slightly overcast. Sometimes it rained. Nice walking weather.

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Prizes, Calgary Stampede, July 2016: Aren’t these adorable?

Self loves shortcake. But Deep Fried Shortcake? BLISS!

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Calgary Stampede: Sheer Bliss For Anyone Who Likes Deep Fried Anything

Calgary, what a fabulous city. The Cherry on Top is:

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Do you really think self wouldn’t post a picture of herself during the 2016 Calgary Stampede? This was taken towards the end of a very exciting day! Cherry on Top was the wearing of a cowboy hat! YEEEES YEEEEES YEEEEES !!! (Pixie, boo, where’s YOUR cowboy hat???)

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Details 4: Surprises Reward Close Observation

For this week’s challenge, try to look past the big picture and take a more intimate approach . . . zoom in on details in unexpected places.

— Jen H., The Daily Post

Today:

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Interesting Adornments for a Mercedes Benz!

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At the 2015 AWP Conference in Minneapolis, The Loft had a kind of raffle: You wrote the name of your favorite book and dropped it into a big tumbler. Then you picked out a card to see a book someone else had recommended. Self wrote: Suzanne Collins’ THE HUNGER GAMES Trilogy. The card she picked out had this book recommendation.

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Just in time for the upcoming U.S.Presidential Elections, a book with a very rad picture of Hillary, doing a kind of Dirty Harry pose. ROFL!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

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