Word of the Day: Compostion

Self has no idea whether “compostion” is a real word, and she’s in too much of a hurry today to look it up. She only gave herself 10 minutes to peruse a new Everlark fan fic, and here’s a cheeky passage (It’s about a future world where women rule over men, and men are kept chained in the basement for the sole purpose of reproduction. Like that? Thought you might, lol! In this story, Peeta is Katniss’s slave and Finnick is Annie’s)

News Flash! (You’re supposed to procreate, not fall in love, dammit!)

  • Annie Cresta of 12 was reported for emotional compostion with her former slave, Finnick Odair. We realize you’ve all been patiently waiting for an update on this atrocity and we’re finally able to give you the news. Such a disgraceful act cannot continue unpunished. Therefore, at the end of the week, the slave Odair will be publicly executed for the crime of leading one of our own astray. Come along and witness the event, cheering!

Anyhoo, Katniss’s Aunt Effie gifts Peeta to her as a sixteenth birthday present:

“Katniss, this is your slave. Responds to the name of Peeta and will do whatever you wish. Whatever you wish.”

Wait, Katniss thinks. Did my Aunt Effie just wink at me?

Katniss’s mouth “falls open” at this exchange, and Effie says:

“So pure! It’s so sweet.” Effie taps Katniss’s jaw closed. “You’ll catch flies, honey.”


And why does Finnick always have to end up dead? Self’s just saying. He’s the Leonardo di Caprio of fan fiction.

Stay tuned.

Never, Ever

Never, ever in the history of self’s reading of fan fiction did she ever think she would find dialogue like the one below so meaninful:


Kitty, you okay?


Katniss, okay?

The second line belongs to Tarzan Peeta and Katniss had to teach him English all over again because apparently Peeta was the sole survivor of a shipwreck and ended up on an uninhabited island off some African coast when he was just seven years old and forgot how to wear clothes and even how to speak (He grunts at Katniss the first time he meets her). You can just imagine the poor kid learning how to survive on berries or monkey poop or whatever! Mind-blowing! Absolutely!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.


Tarzan Peeta Part 2: Finnick Tries Flirting

Her thoughts drifted back to the mysterious man that had saved her (from drowning) earlier that day. She really hadn’t stopped thinking about him at all since he’d run into the tropical forest like a mad man, wearing her orange sundress. The vision of it made Katniss’s laughter bubble up . . .

“You liked that one, Kitty?” Finnick asked, catching Katniss by surprise.

Her laughter subsided at the pet name he’d coined for her as soon as they’d met on the plane. She stared at him a moment, willing the scowl to stay behind the delicate mask of merriment. She had to play along, knowing she couldn’t tell any of the men about her savior. At least, not yet. Not until she knew more about him. Why was he on the island. Where he came from . . .

Can you believe anyone finding Finnick tiresome?


Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

Tarzan Peeta!

Anyone remember when Brendan Fraser was super, super-hot?

Anyone remember him in George in the Jungle?

Well, today, after another blissful day in Annaghmakerrig (Thank YOU, Tyrone Guthrie Centre!), self fell to searching for new Everlark fan fics. And she found one that was mighty intriguing!

Let’s see if she can adequately summarize it:

Katniss is fleeing tabloid rumors about her husband’s predilection for men and goes on some kind of exotic adventure with her uncle Haymitch and a male companion (and possibly would-be paramour, Finnick, of all people). The company have to sleep in tents out in the wilderness. Katniss has a life-changing encounter with a naked man with blonde hair and blue eyes (of course, the man’s body is perfect, just perfect) and she raises the alarm (Katniss, you are absolutely clue-leeeess!) and the man goes scampering back into the jungle, but not before he’s had the chance to don one of Katniss’s dresses.

Yes indeed, the last we see of Tarzan Peeta in the opening chapter is him running into the forest wearing an ORANGE dress. Which, on him, barely reaches to there.

Love it!

Stay tuned.

Everlark Comedy! Be Forewarned

Self just made her first batch of oatmeal/chocolate chip/raisin cookies ever and they are really BAD.

Good thing she got an alert for a new installment of the Detective Mellark series (Dear readers, indeed yes: There is a detective series written with Peeta Mellark as the head of a Detective Agency and Katniss Everdeen as one of his gumshoes)

In this installment of the Detective Mellark series, Katniss and Peeta decide to compete in a TV game show called “The Marriage Game” (Why? Who knows? Because detective agencies run short of funds and the quickest way to raise them is by competing in a television game show?)

Anyhoo, Katniss and Peeta are one of four couples left standing for the final round. The other three couples are:

  • Primrose Everdeen/ Rory Hawthorne
  • Gale Hawthorne/ Madge Undersee
  • Annie Cresta/ Finnick Odair

One of the questions is: “What is your partner’s favorite thing to nibble on at the movies?”

The interviewer is, of course, none other than Caesar Flickerman.

Over to you, Gale and Madge!

Gale: Um. That’s a hard one. I’ll go with Twizzlers.

(Madge frowns and turns over her card. It says: HIS FINGERNAILS)

Gale: My fingernails! Why would you say that?

Madge: Oh my God, Gale! Look at these things! (Grabs Gale’s hands and holds them up. Camera zooms in for a close-up) LOOK! LOOK! I should dip your fingertips in gasoline to keep you from biting them.

Caesar: Oh, Madge. They are stubby. You should have Octavia work on them.

Madge: That’s a good idea. (To Gale) First thing tomorrow, you’re getting a mani-pedi.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.


Finnick in Self’s Fan Fic

If you happen to be reading self’s fan fic, SPOILERS ABOUT FINNICK BELOW!

That bronzed creature. Of whom tale after tale has been told.

Snow tortured him cruelly, but some lovelorn Capitol wife risked her life to save him. Poor woman, she was brave. She didn’t survive long after they found that Finnick had escaped.

Finnick found his way to Four, and with the help of his lover, Annie, he eventually regained his health.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

A Scene From the Latest Chapter of Self’s Hunger Games Fan Fiction

Writing this in New Hampshire. Snow drifts pile high outside. Nashua has no beauty salon, although there is a Supercuts. And one art gallery.

Last night, self attended a reception for the Symphony New Hampshire, which is premiering The Marife Suite. Found out it will be taped. Portions from the dress rehearsal may be uploaded to the Hampshire Symphony website.

Drew invited self to attend the dress rehearsal. But, thinking of her on-line students, she begged out of it (Waking up this morning, however, she greatly regrets that decision)

She opens her fan fiction, and writes:

Finnick is terribly confused. He only prays they don’t lay a hand on Annie. Is she already here? He fears the worst. She might survive, for a time. But they might do things to her — her brain. He’s seen those women wandering around Snow’s room’s as if lost in thought, barely able to remember their own names.

Please, he thinks. Please don’t turn Annie into one of those.

Could he strike a bargain with these people? He’ll do anything to save Annie. He should have known the rebellion wouldn’t work. He’d lost sight of his own greatest weakness.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.


Finnick and Peeta: The Friendship, the Phone Call

Dear blog readers: hope you don’t mind that self is putting a lot of her Hunger Games fan fiction on this blog (in addition to, of course, blogging about her further adventures as a writer. Which very shortly will be occurring in Mendocino) until the mad/good “crushing-it” phase is over.

Peeta’s stuck in District 12 with Katniss’s seven-year-old son helping out in the bakery, and this situation is no picnic. First of all, Peeta and Katniss were a “thing” before he got reaped (This story is very AU) and she went off and married Gale. But, in a sudden fit of generosity and because everyone in the Seam is starving — it’s been a very long and hard winter, and Katniss went after game in the forest, got caught in an epic downpour, caught pneumonia, was many weeks ill in bed, all her beautiful black hair fell out, and . . . did self mention that this story is full of angst? — Peeta’s dad offered to take Katniss’s son as part-time help in the bakery (There are no child labor laws in Panem, obviously) and Peeta is quite disconcerted because

Her son looks so much like his father.

Which is to say, Katniss’s son takes after Gale.

Which sends Peeta’s emotions into turmoil. So that night, home alone in Victors Village, he calls Finnick, who’s working as an escort in the Capitol.

“Peeta,” Finnick says. “How are things?”

“I’m a bit — nervy,” Peeta says.

“The charming and debonair Peeta Mellark — nervy?” Finnick laughs. “Women problems?”

Peeta shakes his head before realizing that Finnick can’t see him. “I’m a model of virtue,” he says. “What time is it over there?”

“Almost 11,” Finnick says. “Darna’s here.”

Peeta’s mind stutters.

“No, we didn’t have anything going tonight,” Finnick says.

“Really?” Peeta says. “Okay, I believe you.”

“Besides, I’m a bore. After you, I mean. So why exactly are you calling?” Finnick asks.

“I don’t know,” Peeta says.

Finnick sighs. “Look, Peeta, I have to go. I have to be up in a few hours. Got a sunrise appointment with a client.”

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

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