How To Look Like You Belong, in Hotel George V, Room 815, Paris

First, don’t ask for directions, just head on up to the room in question. And don’t fuss too much at the door to the suite. Just go right in.

A hotel maid will pass you in the hallway, she will glance at you but keep on walking. Expect the hotel manager in 10 minutes.

When the hotel manager lets himself into the suite (accompanied by “muscle” of course, this is a five-star Parisian hotel! Rooms cost upwards of $1000/night!), you will say, “Bonjour!” You will introduce yourself, you will say you’re a friend of whoever, and you will demand, DEMAND, the name of the manager, and then you will ask to see his ID.

Bearing, bearing is absolutely important.

Also, a silk scarf.

If it is autumn, then a beautiful autumn coat.

Just think “classic.” Be “cordial, but aloof.”

After all that, I’m sorry to say the manager will probably say something rude like “I would like to see what you’ve taken from the suite” and also mention the “small issue of” the bill.

You should say, “Of course!” And hand over your credit card.

And then you must keep smiling, even when they charge “three-thousand five-hundred euros. A night.”

Stay safe, dear blog readers. Stay safe.

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