Peeta, Male Escort

God, everything today is so, so. Terrible. And depressing.

Now, self needs massive doses of Everlark. And potato chips. Everlark and potato chips and poetry.

Elena Ferrante is absolutely no help. Elena Ferrante writes sentences like: “I grew fond of Antonio almost without realizing it.” Woman, we are only 20 pages from the end and your protagonist hasn’t yet HAD SEX! Not even a little bit! OMG, amazing! Self thought the protagonist was in love with Antonio 50 pages ago! Instead, Ferrante has her protagonist musing with pride that “The stationer was extremely satisfied with the way I had taken care of the children . . . ”

Anyhoo, on to the

Everlark Conversation of the Day!

KA-BOOM! That’s what self’s talking about, baby!

Katniss is maid-of-honor for her younger sister’s wedding. In this Hunger Games AU, that sister is Delly. Delly might have slept with Katniss’s fiancée (Thom). Thom, overcome with guilt over having betrayed Katniss with her sister, breaks off their engagement. Now, Katniss needs to find a date to her sister’s wedding, pronto! She of course cannot show up solo because everyone will throw pitying glances her way. So she cashes in her IRA and hires male escort Peeta Mellark for the weekend. Which is an excellent decision. Really, the best.

The wedding is in Seattle (Why? Just because). Katniss and Peeta meet on the flight. Peeta apologizes, saying: “I’m usually much more prompt.” Katniss waves off the apology.

“Work must be killer,” she says.

Peeta takes it in stride, though his impossibly blue eyes widen.

LOL LOL LOL

Stay tuned.

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