Eragon, For the Love of God

Several things self needs to get off her chest right now:

OH but FIRST: SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS

  • Eragon’s thighs are flayed to the bone. Yup, that’s right. His first dragon ride is excruciating hell.
  • Second, he allows his dragon to take him far away from his uncle, who last we see of him is calmly tending to his horses, completely unaware of the drama that is about to turn his life into chaos. So Eragon and this dragon (It bothers self that Eragon and the dragon have very fraught conversations that almost sound like something from Mills & Boon. Hello, dragons don’t have to be so girl-y, yeah? Even if they ARE female dragons named Saphira?). Then, because Eragon’s thighs are flayed, he can’t get on the dragon to go back and warn his uncle. Yes, that does sound like a plausible reason for hiding out in a forest for a while. Absolutely. If self’s thighs were flayed like that, she would never get on a dragon’s back again. Ever. Uncle or no uncle.

But then Eragon is a brave boy so he does get back on the dragon. And during this second dragon ride, his old wounds open, and fresh blood goes trickling down his calves, and UGH UGH UGH. But yeah, Paolini sure can write gruesome dragon rides. She’ll grant him that. She’ll never forget the writing here, that’s for sure.

Further gore: The Uncle. Is lying under the floor boards. He’s badly burned. A clear liquid oozes from him. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. It is necessary to take yet another dragon ride. By now, Eragon’s thighs must be thoroughly shredded. Self, that’s disgusting. Stop making this worse than it has to be. Obviously, with that dragon on the cover of this book, the dragon will continue to be a player. Perhaps Eragon can devise pillows for under his thighs. Whatever.

But, back to the dragon. This dragon is so creature-ly that she gets tired. When she gets tired, she froths at the mouth. Self must say, she loves Paolini’s dragon writing (except when Eragon has to get on his dragon’s back with the bloody thighs). The dragon is a beast. An animal. A creature. Needs to be fed. Poops. Froths at the mouth. Etc

Self can hardly wait: Eragon has a dream or a vision or a hallucination or a premonition of two dragons! Obviously, one of the two is Saphira. The other, given how girl-y Saphira is (at least, in conversation) has to be her OTP.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.

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