December Means: Musing About Oscar Nominations

Boyhood will be nominated for Best Picture. Duh.

  • Ethan Hawke should be nominated for Best Actor.
  • Self wants Mockingjay, Part 1 to be nominated for something. But fat chance J-Law will get another nomination. Although self would be very much in favor of such a nomination. But J-Law is already too rich. So the Academy will think it’s done its duty by her and turn its attention to some other up-and-coming. BTW, J-Law, self will not fault you if you happen to fall again while traversing the Oscars Red Carpet. It’s OK! Self still thinks you’re adorable. And she knows — knows — you’re not tripping up on purpose. Because, you know what? Self trips up all the time! Once she even fell down a whole flight of stairs. Another time she landed on her backside when entering a friends’s sunken living room. Simply because she hadn’t expected the living room to be — you know — sunken. Who does that? Why play such tricks on people? The home, BTW, was in Union City.
  • Self liked The Theory of Everything — Eddie Redmayne will be nominated for Best Actor.
  • Just saw Wild today. Laura Dern, it’s all about Laura Dern. Nominate her for Best Supporting Actress, puh-leaze! (Self so dislikes the opening scene when — Should she put in a Spoiler Alert? Nah. — Reese Witherspoon, who plays Cheryl Strayed, pulls off her toenails, then loses one boot down a chasm. Self did take note of the fact that Witherspoon’s gams are excellent! But what was with all the heavy breathing — like the audio for a porn movie. Not that self has any experience watching porn movies. She’s just saying. Also, judging from the movie, the Pacific Coast Trail is lined with male pervs. Ladies, before you get inspired to follow in Strayed’s footsteps, take a martial arts class. And don’t forget to pack the Mace. And, still also, how proactive of Strayed to take 20 condoms along on her hike. Truly forward-thinking! She is one smart lady.)
  • This time last year it was all Lupita Nyong’o. Now, there is absolutely zero mention of Lupita Nyong’o. Maybe next year? What will she wear next on the Red Carpet? Dying, absolutely dying to know.

And this is about as far as self wants to stick her neck out. So, goodnight.

 

 


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