10 Things Self Learned Today, the 2nd Thursday of May (2013)

  1. Olga Kurylenko’s acting abilities are extremely limited.  “Oblivion” was a halfway decent movie until she and Tom Cruise were together on-screen during an escape sequence, and she kept turning her head from side to side and opening her mouth —  this is a simulation of fear?  To top it all off, for five minutes she says nothing but “Jack” “Jack” “Jack” “Jack.”  We already know Tom Cruise’s character is called Jack.  So, cut it out, Olga, can’cha?  In another scene, she is called upon to scream in agony, and she sounds like someone just yanked her pony tail.   SPOILER ALERT!  Self simply COULD NOT believe it when they off-ed Andrea Riseborough’s character, because hers was the one compelling performance in the whole movie.
  2. Andrea Riseborough looks great.  Self particularly loved her use of eyeliner, and her gray shift dress.
  3. Nicolaj Coster-Waldau is in this movie and that is probably the only reason self saw it.  But he’s in only one scene.  He does look good as a Mad Max-type character, though.
  4. It’s been so long since the last time self got ice cream at the Redwood City Downtown Century 20 that the salesperson (who’s been there year-in and year-out for, maybe, five years) no longer says “hi.”
  5. Even on weekdays, it is difficult to find parking in Sequoia Station.
  6. Matt Damon made a sci-fi movie!  She saw the preview for it today.  It’s directed by the same guy who directed “District 9.”
  7. The price for the early show at the downtown Redwood City Century 20 has increased:  from $7 to $7.50.
  8. Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges made a movie together, and it looks like a knock-off of “Men in Black.”  Only, instead of battling aliens, Bridges and Reynolds battle the dead who try to pass as the living, who are really trying to take over the planet.
  9. There is a sequel to “300” appearing soon.  It seems like only two characters from “300” return:  Lena Headley (who played Gerard Butler’s wife) and Rodrigo Santoro (who was creepy/scary as Xerxes, Persian Conqueror)
  10. There is a new “Hangover” movie coming out.  This one is billed as “Epic” and “Final.”  Ho. Ho. Ho.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

This Is What Happens: More “Game of Thrones”

Self simply cannot let go of this “Game of Thrones” Jamie Lannister/ Brienne of Tarth thing!  So, until self gets to a really interesting, quotable part of The Portrait of a Lady, by Henry James (she breezed through the remaining 150 pages of Little Heathens, which were mostly about milking, walking to school in deep snow, etc)  —  which might, actually, already have happened, because in the very first paragraph of the Preface, James reveals that he wrote this novel over three months in Florence and several weeks in Venice!  And what self wants to know is:  How can anyone get any writing done in Italy?  That country is the buzz-kill of all buzz-kills!  In the future, she will only go if she wants to eat.  And eat.  And eat —

Back to “Game of Thrones” things.  And all the wee digressions leading there-to.

Self fell asleep right after The Man got home.  It’s like, everything inside her builds and builds, and then The Man gets home, and she is all normal again.

So, she was all normal ten minutes after The Man got home.  He decided to walk The Ancient One, because it was hot enough.  Seriously, what’s with this weather?  It was cold all the way until 3 p.m., and then it became scorching hot.  This is definitely not the kind of weather pattern self enjoys.

In fact, self was so normal, she fell asleep.  For six straight hours.  She vaguely remembers The Man asking her where the trash can in the bathroom was.  She vaguely remembers telling The Man that she made his dinner:  ravioli with every left-over in the fridge chopped up and sprinkled on top.  With minced oregano from the garden.

Then, self woke at midnight, feeling completely energized and ready to get started with her day.  So she naturally continued her internet explorations of Jamie Lannister and Brienne of Tarth (She has no intention of reading the books, mind you.  Which makes her a total Philistine.  Stop reading right now!)  And now she has stumbled on a site called winteriscoming.net.  And here is an excerpt from an interview that FaB and three other journalists conducted with the intrepid pair, March 21 of this year.  It’s very, very entertaining:

FaB:   You were very muddy through all of last season.

Nikolaj:   That doesn’t change though.

FaB:   Nothing?  No bathing?   No one’s thought to wash you down . . .  ?  Give you a bath . . .  ?

FEEL FREE TO MENTALLY INSERT THE SLY MICHAEL MYERS DR. EVIL RAISED PINKIE LOOK I WAS GIVING BOTH OF THEM.

Nikolaj (after a casual shrug):   Maybe we . . .  might have a bath.  At some time.

Terri catches on quickly, leaning forward, and asks, “May we say there could be bathing in season three?  Or . . .  is that in future seasons . . .  ?  This . . . POTENTIAL bath . . . ?”

Some polite coughing ensues.  But I cannot stress enough how each reporter is now . . .  slowly . . .  beginning . . .  to lean forward.  We’re so eager!

Gwendoline (casually):  I think everyone washes.  Don’t they?

Terri has the tail of a fish and refuses to let go, saying, “In the woods?  Do they?  I guess there are streams (innocently).  Maybe . . . “

Nikolaj (smiling casually):  I think Jaime would love a bath.

Everyone in the room pretty much agrees that yes, yes he would.  And yes, a bath would be a good thing.

And there’s more!  But for the rest of the interview, you will just have to go here.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

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