1st Wednesday of April (2013)

Self had just pulled herself together enough to revise two very short stories (1,500 words each) and send them out, and seat herself in front of the TV in the living room to watch “Bones” while having her lunch (It is 3:21 pm, that is how busy she was today), when she decided to check her e-mail (which she does almost every hour), and there was already a rejection for one of the short stories she’d sent out today.  Honestly:  this was the fastest rejection ever.  Faster even than anderbo.com!  She hopes they’re still considering the other story (They allow two stories per submission.  Don’t ask self to name the magazine:  self has decided that discretion is the better part of valor.)

Then she decided to —  Holy Cow!  This rice that she is having with her stir-fried boneless chicken thigh fillets is absolutely yummy!  It’s the first time she’s tried this Elephant Brand Thai rice (from Marina Foods in Hillsdale:  she would have preferred to drive across the bridge to Island Pacific in Union City, but has been feeling quite pressed for time) and does it ever go well with stir-fried chicken!  Especially with stir-fried chicken in Hoisin sauce!

Her eye wanders over to the TV and —  Wow!  Cute shirt the African American supervisor is wearing!  Lime green, with beaded keyhole neckline!

Back to self’s lunch.  She is washing all down with a bottle of beer.  And —  Holy Cow!  This is absolutely a fantastic beer!  Self peruses the label:  California Lager, Anchor beer, founded 1896.  She wonders if this is from Trader Joe’s, or from Draegers.  It’s definitely not Safeway or Whole Foods.

It has turned into a very hot day.  Self knows she needs to water.

Sweet-smelling Bella is wiped out from the exertion of climbing the kitchen stairs in the heat.  She’s on the kitchen floor, because the linoleum feels cool. (Self is tempted to carry The Ancient One here, there and everywhere, but is realizing that The Man’s insistence on making the poor li’l crit walk as much as possible is why Bella, at 17 1/2, is still ambulatory.)

And —  Self!  What are you doing!  You have just downed your third serving of Thai rice with chicken fillets stir-fried with green onions and Hoisin!  Aaach, aaach, she can’t help it, the rice and the stir-fried chicken and the hoisin sauce and the beer are such a perfect combination.  Not only that, self must be allowed to drown her sorrows regarding last night’s Justified season finale.  When might Season 5 be occurring, self wonders?

She finally got to the last page of the San Francisco Chronicle of precisely one week ago.  The bottom of the last page is the Dear Abby section.  Here is one of the letters:

Dear Abby,

I am a plus-size woman.  I am loud and boisterous, and I like to surround myself with similar women.  However, there is a problem I am now facing.

Many of my friends have made amazing transformations and gotten fit.  I am fully supportive and impressed, but I see the price they are paying.  They are no longer confident and vivacious.  They have become timid, approval-seeking shells of their previous selves.

Why do newly thin women forget how awesome their personalities used to be?

—  Big Beauty in Illinois

*     *     *     *

Dear Big Beauty:

Not knowing your friends, I can’t answer for them.  But it is possible that having become “transformed and fit,” they no longer feel they need their loud and boisterous personas to compete for attention.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Justified 4.13: Season Finale

Oh no oh no oh no.

No Justified on Tuesday nights.

How can self live?

How?

As usual, the highlights of this episode are the dialogue.

But, before getting into the loverlies, self just wants to say that Winona showed uncommon spark and fire when being held hostage and watching her man get whupped on the head by an Evil Character.  Perhaps it will not be so bad if Winona makes it back to the show on a regular basis.

Ava goes to jail.  What?  Again?  This time, it’s Boyd not Raylan who professes his intention to free her (If dear blog readers recall, in Season 1, Ava shot her husband.  But that was because he was abusive, and caused her to miscarry).  This time, she’s apprehended while dragging (very ineptly, self might add) a bundled-up corpse into a ditch.  Did she perhaps want to get caught or what?

Self is finally beginning to appreciate the whiteness of Boyd Crowder’s teeth.

She loves that Preacher’s Sister.  She’s in this episode for all of three seconds, but those seconds do resonate.

Now, where did Deputy Marshalls Rachel Brooks and Tim Gutterson take themselves off to?

Self will close with this classic exchange between Raylan and his boss, Art Mullen:

Raylan:  Suppose you’re going to say, I told you so.

Art:  Oh, I’d like to think I’m a bigger person than that, but I did tell you so.

How dare that reviewer (self forgets from which magazine) say that Justified is just like Cheers.  No, it is not like Cheers.  For one thing, it is not corny.

For another, Justified has lots and lots of dead bodies.  And those of you who’ve ever caught a single episode of Cheers knows that death has never been a factor in that other show.

Self thinks the reviewer confused the general amiability and geniality of the Justified characters with Cheers‘ crowd-pleasing ways.

She loves the closing:  a tight shot of Raylan alone, wearing a grey T-shirt and jeans.  Ah, Raylan/Timothy, you rule.  Self adored Justified Season 4 and was enthralled from first to last.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

“The Call”: The Sisterhood Lives!

Self will be the first to admit that watching “The Call” after watching “Notorious” is not perhaps the easiest thing, but there were many reasons she enjoyed the 5:30 p.m. screening of this reminiscent-of- “Silence of the Lambs” thriller at the downtown Century 20:

  • The audience participation.  Self is so glad she was with an audience (incidentally, mostly male) that seemed to get major kicks out of the line “NO.  WAIT.”  Anyhoo, the perp was completely loathsome.  (Thinking of the perp, she knows she’s seen the actor before.  Self ponders whether playing a loathsome creep is a great career move, or a disastrous career move.  Anthony Hopkins turned Hannibal Lecter into a charming monster.  For Hopkins, “Silence of the Lambs” was a great career move.  But for every Anthony Hopkins, there are tons of actors, like the one who played the creep in “Dirty Harry,”  who disappear.)
  •  Abigail Breslin.  Even playing teenager-in-peril, she never loses her dignity.  Never.  And, she is beginning to bear a striking resemblance to Cameron Diaz.  And she is just —  so believable and wonderful.  What a gal.  Self adores Abigail Breslin.
  • Judd Nelson.  Yes, that Judd Nelson of “The Breakfast Club.”  Now he has gray hair (Gulp) It is very disconcerting to see this former Brat-Packer in the role of —  a limo driver???
  • Even though the Halle Berry character sometimes does inexplicably stupid things, it is still very nice to see her.  She has a new “do” —  very big hair.  But her body is as slender as ever.  She and Sandra Bullock —  they never seem to age.

Afterwards, it was still light (how great!).  She stopped to watch a dance class on Courthouse Square.  A group of rowdy skateboarders began to inch closer and closer to where she sat, all by herself, checking her cell phone.  She wonders why the sight of a solitary woman would end up being a provocation.  But it definitely was, for the skateboarders began to get closer and closer to her, as if each were egging the other one on.  Relax.  Nothing happened.  Self walked to her car.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

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