The Biz According to Ida

During one of self’s visits last year, when she was still able to sit in proximity to the Infamous Ida without puking, Ida mentioned that she had tried to interest one of self’s Dear Bros (Jun, the mildest —  also the richest — one) in investing in funeral parlors.

At that very moment, we were just passing one of those aforementioned places, this one called Alisbo, and it looked like a cement bunker, gray walls with long streaks of green — mold or something.  Anyhoo, it was quite an unprepossessing building.  Self remembers Ida gazing at her in utter solemnity and saying, “Funeral parlors are a very good business, Ma’am.”  No wonder, because people in Bacolod are always dying, and funerals are a BIG THING, as self has had ample opportunity to observe during her last seven visits to this Isle of Enchantment (Official Guidebook Name:  Negros).

This evening, self was seriously engaged in reading The Daily Guardian (The masthead says:  “Western Visayas’ Most Read and Respected”) because the restaurant had no copies of the Visayan Daily Star.  On the front page was a picture of a man with no arms being very industrious.  Inside were ads for one funeral parlor after another.  Since this was an Iloilo paper, the funeral parlors were (naturally) in Iloilo (Oh, self can hardly wait to get home so that she can return to the boredom of blogging about movies!).

Here’s an ad for Garden of the Ascension Memorial Park:

“A well-secured 17-hectare complex that contains features to pay tribute to a departed loved one.  A tranquil haven that offers a variety of choices ranging from lawn lots, memorial courts and specious (sic) family estates.” (And self does know the difference between specious and spacious, dear blog readers.  She isn’t a Stanford Creative Writing and English grad for nothing!)

And here’s another, for St. Therese Chapels (“Because your loved ones deserve only the best!”):

“Open 24 hours WI-FI Hot Spot (One can e-mail while attending a funeral service!  How absolutely fab!).  Quality imported and local caskets.  Original Lincoln and Mercedes Benz hearses.  Licensed female and male embalmers (What other kind are there?  Self means:  aside from female and male?).  24-hour stand-by generator (NO BROWN-OUT, so corpse will not putrefy before its time).  Superior facilities with hotel-like amenities.  Burning tray for the traditional Chinese funeral rites.”

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

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