Kanlaon: 2012 New Year Resolutions

New Year’s Resolution # 1Never fear putting aside a “classic” in favor of “light reading.”  She’s already implemented this one, bypassing Tom Wolfe’s wordy Bonfire of the Vanities (about New York 80s investment bankers, yucch.  Self much prefers repeat viewing of “Margin Call” when she feels the need for a banker fix.  At least, she can stare at Zach Quinto’s hairy forearms) in favor of an impossibly romantic confection by James Collins, Beginner’s Greek.

New Year’s Resolution # 2Go for spa treatments as often as one can.  It is worth getting pampered, even if it means pushing plastic to the limit.  This one self will begin implementing next week, when she tries something called “Body Lush.”  Has no idea what that involves, but it’s a couple of hours.  When she signed up, at first she thought she heard “Body Lash.”  So she asked the receptionist if that meant being gently whipped with willow branches (har, har, har).  Receptionist froze, stared at self.  Then it turned out the word was “Lush”, as in “Lush Skin.”  Oh.  “Oxygen infusion,” the receptionist said.  Okey dokey!

And, just take a look at the white van self and her Indian host, Mrinalini, will be using to tool around the following towns in India:  Kasauli, Baikunth Resort, Bir, Chandigarh, Bikaner, Nagaur, Udaipur, Mumbai!  The visa application process is a bear, and yesterday self decided to have her passport pictures re-taken ($13.50 for 2) because she didn’t want to look like a madwoman to the officer at Indian immigration.  But she is quite pleased with the van.

It is worth it, to take a break from wiping up after the Incontinent Ancient One, for two weeks.  She is even sparing the husband, for she’s paying through the nose for a kennel with 24-hour vet.  Which brings self to New Year’s Resolution # 3Never hesitate to pay others to do a job that requires bending or cleaning up.  When one gets to be a certain age, “do-it-yourself” should remain strictly in the realm of the virtual.

BTW, Mrinalini tells self that the cost of hiring a driver for two weeks around India is something like $200?  Why is self still in Redwood City, with the ever-present stress of photo enforcement ???  Someone, by the way, lifted the beautiful gold wreath that she bought from Costco back in November.  It was son who first noticed it missing.  Self is quite crestfallen to have to accede to husband’s dictum:  Anything in the front yard that can be stolen, will be stolen.  Therefore, put nothing nice in the front yard.  Let it get overgrown with weeds.  Never paint the trellis.  Make it seem as if an eccentric old couple live at xxxx H______ Street.  If the neighbors mutter, smile back sweetly.  Indicate stooped back.  Better yet, put index finger of either hand to head, rotate.

New Year’s Resolution # 4Try and watch at least one dance performance in 2012.  The hub professes to find them “boring.”  Dance is not boring.  Think “Pilobolus.”  Think Baryshnikov in his prime.  Think, for heaven’s sake, Matthew Bourne at the Brooklyn Academy of Music!  Self will explore Batsheva Dance Company (from Israel, coming to Yerba Buena Center in late February)

New Year’s Resolution # 5Find a way to insert the “B” word as often as possible, into any conversation, no matter how un-related to the topic at hand.  For instance:  When are you going to have that story ready?  Bacolod!  When are you going to fix the gutters?  Bacolod!  How much longer are you going to keep traveling around the world?  Bacolod!  When do you think The Ancient One will breathe her last?  Bacolod!  See, dear blog readers?  It’s easy as pie!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

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