Reasons to See “Rise of Planet of the Apes”

Reason # 1:  It introduces the audience to a hitherto unknown director:  Rupert Wyatt.  He did an outstanding job:  the cinematography, the editing, and the over-all pacing were just excellent.  Wyatt is now in self’s “Directors to Watch” list.

Reason # 2:  This is perhaps the best “Mis-begotten Scientist” movie since “Splice.”  Or since Mel Brooks’ “Young Frankenstein.”

Reason # 3:  This is apparently Tom Felton’s first post “Harry Potter” movie.  And, self must say, he is every bit as good playing a bad guy in this movie as he was playing a bad guy in the Harry Potter movies —  and with a passable American accent, no less! (Which reminds self:  she had quite a beef about the anti-climactic end for his character in “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2”!  His mum, Mrs. Malfoy, calls him to stand by her side, and after much projection of ambivalence, Draco/Tom acquiesces.  And then the Malfoy family trio go happily off into the sunset.  Self could never have imagined such a lame ending for the Malfoys.  Self, are you forgetting that this post is supposedly about “Rise of the Planet of the Apes,” and not “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2”?  Profuse apologies, dear blog readers!)

Reason # 4:  You will relate to the chimp.  All the way.  Self’s heart was pounding.  Not since “I, Robot” has self ever rooted so hard for a non-human.

Reason # 5:  Freida Pinto is so pretty!  How does she keep that spark-ly look in her eyes, movie after movie?

Reason # 6:  John Lithgow is in this movie!  Lending his acting chops.  Which might be the reason why —  jump to Reason # 7, below!

Reason # 7:  James Franco actually gives a performance.  He played it absolutely straight —  with no mugging for the camera, in fact nary a subversive wink.  There was even —  dare self say this?  — a spark of suggestive intimacy between him and Ms. Pinto.  Self is so glad she did not watch Danny Boyle’s “127 Hours,” or she might not have been able to stomach watching another James Franco movie.  And that would have been terrible.  Because “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” was the only TRUE summer movie self has seen this summer (“Midnight in Paris” was in May, and though self did see “Our Idiot Brother,” the feeling of that movie was definitely not of the pulse-pounding, rousing variety that self has associated with summer movies of yore)

Reason # 8:  Self loves that it is set in San Francisco.  Specifically, in Marin.  Specifically, in Muir Woods.  And the prettiness of the city —  and in particular, the Golden Gate Bridge —  is such a good foil for rampaging apes.  Self thinks all future science fiction/ape movies should be set in San Francisco.

Reason # 9:  Caesar aka Hero of this Movie makes a friend named Maurice who used to be a “circus orangutan” and he and Maurice “sign” to each other.  This is crucial to Caesar’s future unfolding as Ape Leader.  Self loves that the meaning of what they are saying (in sign language) is expressed in sub-titles.  In particular, self loves Maurice saying to Caesar, “Apes are stupid.”

Reason # 10:  This is the best Before-I-Was-Your-Slave, Now-I-Am-Your-Leader movie since “Chronicles of Riddick.”

Hubby refused to watch it with self because, he said, he has a long-standing resistance to “CGI movies.”  Must be the reason he was so eager to see “Cowboys & Aliens”!  Oh, self forgets:  Olivia Wilde was in that movie, and she is definitely no CGI!  BWAH.  HA.  HA!  But Freida Pinto could certainly give Ms. Wilde a run for her money, at least in self’s humble opinion!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

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