The Maddening Gruesomeness of “Hanna”

Two nieces on self’s mother’s side are named “Hanna” or “Hannah.”  Self is a little puzzled by the sudden popularity (in her family) of this faintly Swedish-sounding name.  But who knows?  Perhaps “Hanna” is the new “Gemma” or whatever!

So, on to the movie named “Hanna,” which hubby had been extremely desirous to see, ever since it opened, last weekend.  Today, after catching the first screening at the downtown Redwood City Century 20, hubby declared it an “eight out of ten,” which meant he really really liked it.

What is it about Saoirse Ronan that leaves self cold?  Was it the fact that her character in “Atonement” was so maddening?

Is it the whole Nordic look?  The way she can appear cold and steely with only a flicker of her pale eyes?

What will she look like in 10 years (She might look like Cate Blanchett, if she is very very lucky)

She is not whippet-thin, like Cate.  At some point, during the frequent running scenes, self did notice that Saoirse had hips.  Also, it is very funny that she pretends to want to kiss a Spanish boy (with an earring —  quite right to be mistrustful, Hanna/Saoirse!), and then later ends up planting a most sincere kiss on a girl.  Also, there is an incredible actress in this movie who is not Cate Blanchett:  it is Olivia Williams, who was in “The Ghost Writer” with Ewan MacGregor, and who was in late lamented Joss Whedon series, “The Dollhouse.”  Here she plays a kind of free spirit/mother who Hannah/Saoirse attaches herself to, at some point in her long journey from arctic forest (Did self just write an oxymoron?) to Morocco to Berlin (her ultimate destination)

And now hubby calls and calls and calls — no, BELLOWS is more like it —  from the living room.  Ladies and gentlemen, we have not been parted from each other, not even for one minute, this whole day.  But no sooner has self begun typing on her computer than hubby begins his plaintive swan call.  It’s like that scene from “Streetcar Named Desire” where Marlon Brando calls out in anguish, Stella!  Stella!  Stellaaaaa! Only the man calling out self’s name is decidedly not Brando.

The Wilhelm Grimm house is most fab.

Eric Bana is most fab.

Cate Blanchett’s cheekbones and whippet-thin body are most fab.

The music is —  pulsing.  At some points, self felt sure she was watching an MTV music video.  She can’t believe that Joe Wright is the same man who directed “Atonement.”  Oh, self supposes she’d better believe it, because he is apparently infatuated with the artistic talent of young Saoirse.

It occurred to self that two of the three major characters in this movie are played by Australians (Bana and Blanchett).  If not for the Australians, what would Hollywood do?  With no Russell Crowe, Nicole Kidman, Naomi Watts, Guy Pearce, Anthony LaPaglia, Geoffrey Rush, Abbie Cornish, and even (ha ha ha) Mel Gibson?  Need self even mention Sam Worthington?  Or the (currently hot) Hemsworth brothers, Chris and Liam?

“Hanna” is adapted from some book, no doubt.  Some graphic novel that ended up being a huge blockbuster?  It’s like Bourne in a skirt!  Only much younger!  Only female!  With some hoo-ha about genetic engineering thrown in!

Watch Saoirse speak in German/Italian/Spanish without breaking a sweat!  Watch her shoot a deer (with bow and arrow) and miss the heart by just inches!  Watch her take out a veritable army of big, mean men (including the prissy bad guy in those “Pirates” movies, the one who is supposed to be British)!

No, better still:  Watch Cate Blanchett and see how she moves and crawls about her hotel room in just a flimsy blouse and pencil skirt!  With Eric Bana beating down the door!  Watch Eric Bana emerge from the ocean dripping wet, and strip into something warmer, a business suit!  Watch pulse-pounding action scenes featuring Hanna/Saoirse, with pulsating soundtrack!

Here are two good things about today:

  • Self saw the preview for “Captain America” and thought it was pretty fab, especially the scenes where Chris Evans is somehow CGI-ed to look like a 90-lb. shrimp (These early scenes are hilarious!  Simply hilarious!)
  • Self discovered a sushi vendor at the Redwood City Farmers Market.  She bought salmon, cream cheese, and avocado rolls (12 pieces) for $6.

Oh, how self regrets that she doesn’t have HBO, for she’s dying to see the sumptuous-looking new series, “Game of Thrones.”

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

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