“Machete” Has a Plot (Per The New Yorker)

According to The New Yorker of 27 September 2010, which self is reading shortly after having returned from watching Ben Affleck’s “The Town” (Simply a masterpiece; more on which later), “Machete,” a movie self saw in between New York trips, and in what passes for her summer, is about “a Mexican drug lord (Steven Seagal)” who “conspires with a dishonest, anti-immigration Texas senator (Robert De Niro) and a sadistic border-control commander (Don Johnson) to build a wall along the border through which only his own contraband would be allowed.”

Oh, so that’s what “Machete” was all about!   Funny, the plot doesn’t sound even vaguely familiar.  Self had no idea —  absolutely none  —  that there was even a plot of any kind.  All self knows is:

There was Jessica Alba pretending to be a cop —  No, wait!  She was a real cop!  It was Machete who was pretending to be a cop.  No, wait!  He plays a real cop as well!

Oh, well, self remembers the movie with utmost affection, in part because of the following cameos:

  • Jessica Alba scrambles on to the hood of a car and delivers a rousing pro-immigrant speech!
  • Danny Trejo as “Machete” tells Jessica Alba (whose character is besotted with him, which is a really clever touch, as Machete is —  well, come on:  He’s old and ugly) that he “doesn’t text,” and then later texts and explains to Jessica, “Machete improvises!”
  • And, boy, does Machete ever improvise, especially in an action sequence set in a hospital, where he makes what is probably the most ingenious use ever of a bad guy’s intestines!

Apologies for the long digression, dear blog readers.  Now, back to “The Town.”  This movie was great (possibly even better than “Inception,” for pure story-telling).  Of all the outstanding performances in it (Pete Postlethwaite having some kind of renaissance, with his parts in “Inception” and this movie, and the roles could not be more different!), self’s favorites were:  Ben Affleck’s, Blake Lively’s, and Jeremy Renner’s.  Especially Jeremy Renner’s.  Even when Renner is simply walking, he has a swagger.  It was a tightly wound performance.  And self really did feel bad for Blake Lively’s character, and this was especially surprising considering that Ms. Lively was playing a Boston-bred woman, and self knows very well that she grew up in Tarzana, California.

Let’s see, what else?  Self finished reading Kjell Eriksson’s The Cruel Stars of the Night.  It was the first bad Scandinavian mystery she’s ever read, doesn’t come close to Henning Mankell.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

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