“Salt”/ A Couple of Garage Sale Finds

Ah, Angelina.  Such an action hero!  In one scene, she wraps her black panties around a surveillance camera.  In another, she walks through a ship, tossing hand grenades as casually as if she were scattering fertilizer.  She can go from blonde to black-haired, to woman-being-tortured-in-white-lace-underwear (by the North Koreans, of course:  those brutes!), to a vaguely tranny-looking NATO security officer.

The million dollar question is:  Who channels “Bourne” better: Matt Damon or Angelina Jolie?

The answer: Matt Damon.

Because even when Angelina is in disguise, even after she has donned a plain trench coat and dyed her hair a deep black and is standing unobtrusively (she thinks) in a subway car, she cannot blend (In fact, in black-haired mode Angelina bears disconcerting resemblance to Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, which then makes one wonder why anyone with her looks would be cast as a “sleeper agent.”  Someone like Matt Damon, on the other hand, does have the capacity to look ordinary, so one can more easily buy into the “deep cover” conceit).

Then, to the fight scenes.  OMG, there goes Angelina slapping around all manner of men, with those skinny arms of hers!  The choreography in these scenes is but a pale flame to the magnificent slap-boxing that Bourne did in his Paris apartment, in Bourne # 1.  There’s even a point where Angelina/Salt picks up a ballpoint-pen and self starts thinking:  No, oh no!  Not the old ballpoint in the jugular trick!

But, yes.

Anyhoo, the time did pass very quickly.  And even when she is being at her most super-heroic, Angelina always gives the sense of a living, breathing human being beneath all that supposed toughness.  And self did find it suspenseful, trying to guess which side Angelina/Salt was really on:  the Russians or the Americans?  And Liev Schreiber was entertaining as Angelina/Salt’s loyal boss.  And there was a cute little doggy that Angelina managed to smuggle out of her apartment in a backpack (while clinging to the side of a tall building).  As well as a German husband/arachnoid specialist who needed to be rescued.  And, just to “keep it real,” Angelina does get punched in the face.  Twice.  While handcuffed!  And, well, there will be a sequel.  That’s about all self can tell ya.

After getting home, hubby and self noticed that one of their neighbors was having a garage sale.  These are the neighbors from whom self purchased about a dozen Watsonia bulbs last year.  A number of those bulbs bloomed in her backyard last spring.  So of course self had to investigate this year’s offerings.

Since it was mid-afternoon, most of this year’s plants had apparently already been sold.  But self was able to find a beautiful brass desk lamp, which she bought for only $3 (!!!)  As well as a goose-neck floor lamp, $4, which was great since the floor lamp in self’s tiny home office has a broken stem and self was getting so exceedingly tired of having to constantly fasten the pieces together with duct tape.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

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