“Scandal of the Year”: Buzzsugar Says Letterman

Self most strenuously disagrees.

For one thing, self finds it so heartwarming to think of someone as geeky-looking as Letterman having sex.

While the revelations about Tiger’s multiple infidelities are just —  sad.  Sad or funny, depending on how funny you find the image of Tiger trying to escape from his wife in such a hurry that he didn’t even bother putting on his shoes before jumping into his SUV, which explains why he hit the fire hydrant but doesn’t explain why, when the first by-stander on the scene (a neighbor) happened along, Tiger was snoring (apparently from Ambien?)

Next scandal of the Year: Why Tom Wisdom’s orgy scene in “Pirate Radio” was cut from the American version, but they keep showing it and showing it in all the previews. So there he is, looking so fetching in leather pants, and saying “Busy day,” and self had to sit through the whole movie and there was not even a hint of this scene.

Next scandal of the Year: Why Jen Aniston is permitted to make yet another rom-com.

Next scandal of the Year: Why the City of Millbrae has people poring over 14,000-plus shots of people not slowing down before making a right turn on a red light at Rollins and Millbrae Ave., and chooses a select 1,000 to cite, one of which happened to be self. And self is pretty sure that’s because her previous moving violation, over two years ago, is still there on her record even though she took traffic school and the court assured her that her record would be “wiped clean.” (T intersection, Farm Hill Boulevard, Redwood City. Self stopped, but the female traffic cop said it wasn’t “long enough.” Ah, fateful last words!)

So guess what, ha, ha, even if you pay $600 your record never gets wiped clean. It only means that you get to pay $600.

Now self looks like a felon on paper (every time she calls the DMV and looks up her record, she finds the points there, on full display) and is sure she will be stopped by vigilant traffic policemen, at least four times a year. Because you know, she just might end up killing someone at 25 mph, which is her normal driving speed. Just ask the gazillions of California drivers who zoom past self every day. And, ah, if you don’t believe these figures, then you can consult a very helpful article from the San Mateo Daily Journal from 2008, which is on-line, and which also says that the reason a majority of drivers are not cited at that intersection is because they are going so fast, their license plates are blurred in the photos. But self, who as usual was driving super-slooowly, was able to present the camera with a super-clear shot of: a) her face; b) her car stopping at the intersection for 2.86 seconds before proceeding; and c) her license plate. And, ah, nowhere does it say in the California Drivers Handbook how many seconds exactly one is supposed to stop before making a right turn on a red signal. But self’s photos presented such a clear and easy target that, well, there you have it: Her whole being just exudes “Traffic Cop’s Delight.” It’s practically stamped on her forehead.

Anyhoo, that’s enough negativity for one post. Here’s a nomination self would like to make:

Celebrity who looks the coolest in flip-flops (which means, obviously, that the personage has to have attractive feet): Anthony Bourdain. Just now, she was very admiring of how he got to wander all over Vietnam wearing those flip-flops and showing off just how nice his feet are.

A runner-up would be Thomas Jane because self just loved how his feet looked in Tevas in “Deep Blue Sea.”

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

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