About “Angels & Demons”

As self’s Dear Departed Dad used to say, If you can’t say anything good . . .

Tom Hanks plays a Harvard professor.  Which means he can do anything.  Still, self would just like to know where a Harvard professor gets off telling Roman carabinieri what to do.  And why a Harvard professor doesn’t know that when handling priceless archival documents, one should always wear gloves.  And why, anyway, would a Harvard professor be doing laps in a pool at 5 a.m.?  Not that she has anything against Harvard professors (some of them may even be hunks), or that she minds seeing Tom Hanks in swimming trunks (bod, or what she could see of it anyway, still OK), but the “swimming at 5 a.m. thing” was a little much, self feels, even if it was there just to establish that this professor, despite being a member of academia, is indeed a very very virile guy.  Which is absolutely essential to the veracity of the plot, considering the number of things Hanks’ character is required to do later.  But, self digresses.

An even bigger outrage is what the movie does to Ewan McGregor.  Ewan McGregor, perhaps one of the finest actors of his generation (here playing the hottest priest in cinematic history), is in this movie reduced to —  to —

AAARGGGGH!!!!  Self can’t say because then she’ll be giving the whole movie away!

(Ewan, self is so confused.  Did you accept this role just for the money?  And why did you still have that Scottish accent, even though your Dad was supposedly Irish and you told Tom Hanks you were adopted by a Cardinal at the age of 9 and had lived most of your life in Italy?  And, didn’t you see what the last movie did to Paul Bettany’s career?  Self hasn’t seen him in a movie since he was last seen playing a self-flagellating albino monk/assassin in the execrable The Da Vinci Code!)

Self can’t believe she sat for two hours in a theatre watching @##!!@@##

Afterwards, hubby declared it was very, very good.  Which shows you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it —

This was absolutely the worst movie self has seen this year, last year, or — or since she saw The Da Vinci Code.  There, she’s said it.  Sorry, Dear Departed Dad!

Counting yesterday’s Terminator:  Salvation, that makes two strike-outs in one weekend.  It’s enough to drive a person nuts.  Or, at least, back into the arms of J. J. Abrams and co. This week, Star Trek again, for sure.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

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