Self is Alive

Which is indeed a miracle. For she only got two hours of sleep. She lay down at midnight, happy in the thought that she would begin the morrow with a new book to read (Mary Roach’s Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife, which has to stand in until self gets her hands on Sebastian Barry novel A Long, Long Way), but then she found something unsatisfactory about the style. And it bugged her so much that she had to keep getting up and reading a little further, and a little further, until finally, at 4:30 a.m., she made the startling revelation that: This book is not about the afterlife! It’s about crazy people who believe in para-normal activity! One hair shy of “The X-Files” and Fox Mulder! Aaargh!

Then, it was many anguished minutes of talking to herself: It’s not your fault, how could you have known? Now, don’t waste any more time on this book and go to sleep!

Which she eventually did. Only, it was 5 a.m., and the dogs started their piteous whinings at 7 a.m., and —

Well, there you have it. Self is amazed that she is even awake at this moment. Awake and staring dully at the sun (it is apparently a beautiful day).

Self staggers to living room, switches on TV (to help in rousing herself), and lands on a screening of very old Paul Newman movie: “Harry and Son.” Self had forgotten that there was an era when men wore extremely tight, short denim shorts. As witness putative son of title (played by erstwhile heart-throb Robby Benson, self finds it hard to believe that one has moved from Robby Benson to Channing Tatum, all in the space of a few decades, and without even leaving America), parading his tush in the shortest shorts this side of Viggo Mortensen in G. I. Jane. Love interest is played by Ellen Barkin. Self didn’t even notice until a few scenes further on that Ellen Barkin’s character is hugely pregnant. And she looks about 15. Hmmm, self is gradually piecing together a story-line.

As further proof (if any were needed) that self is so out of it today, she has decided to pay her credit card bill, 10 days early. Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

8:55 p.m. in Redwood City

Anaheim Ducks have just tied the score with the Detroit Redwings!!!

Jubilation!!!!

Self is typing in semi-darkness: hubby insists he can better appreciate the hockey game if all the living room lights are turned off. Besides which, he wants to keep the window blinds open so he can see if any teen-agers are throwing trash on our front lawn (When the lights are on, and the blinds are open, self and hubby look like actors on a lighted stage set. Which is why we only open blinds when lights are off — get it?)

When it gets close to graduation time, the teen-agers in our neighborhood go a little crazy. We get more beer bottles thrown on our lawn in May than at any other time of year. Once, self was awakened in the early morning hours by a call from the police.

“Ma’am,” said polite officer, “Are you the owner of the Altima parked on the corner of xxxx and xxxx? Did you know that someone’s shot out the windows of your car?”

**!!@@

The police found BB gun pellets in the front seat.

Hubby went so far as to discuss with neighbor across the street the prospect of splitting the cost for a videocam. But, eventually, plan was abandoned, self knows not why.

Anyhoo, it’s been a mighty fine day. Self was able to postpone finishing 1491, by reading only one paragraph at a time. She’s now on Appendix B. And Mann is talking about how some recent research is proving that the Maya used textiles as a form of historical record: that is, they used the warp and weave of the cloth as a sort of binary code. There were hundreds of weave patterns, and each one of them meant something. This part of the book is a little too complicated for self to summarize in one post. She suggests dear blog readers go and check the book out from their local libraries.

Self still can’t figure out why all the copies of Sebastian Barry’s A Long, Long Way should have been checked out of her local library at the same time. In fact, they were all checked out in the last three days. Some teacher must have assigned it as a reading. Well, self would like to congratulate unknown teacher for having the same impeccable literary taste as self!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

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