. . . between self and one of her brothers in Manila.
Rrrring, rrrring, rrring!
Self: Hello, nand’yan si Jun?
Maid: Sandali lang, ho. Titingnan ko.
Self (humming)
Jun: Batchoy!
Self: Jun!
Jun: What’s up?
Self: Ahh, ahhh, I thought I’d call since I’ll be there soon . . .
Jun: You’re coming? Here?
Self: Yes.
Jun: When?
Self: On January 6.
Jun: Why didn’t you tell us?
Self: Ahhh, ahhh, I believe I told Mom. Last June. She didn’t tell you?
Jun: No.
Self: Ahh, ahhh, well, it’s a good thing I called, then!
Jun: Why don’t you stay with us in Alabang?
Self: Well, actually, that’s the reason for my call. I was talking to Mom yesterday and she said that you and Myla have this vacant apartment next to the Mandarin . . .
Jun: Unfurnished.
Self: What?
Jun: It’s unfurnished. There isn’t even a bed there.
Self: Oh. I. See. (Tee-hee!) That is funny.
Jun: We were going to have it furnished, but we haven’t started yet.
Self: Oh, ahhh, ha ha, it’s OK, I will stay with Yoo-Hoo then (Inside: scream).
After this very illuminating conversation, self scurried to the living room, intent on venting to hubby. But the Dear Man raised a hand before self could even get out the words: “Guess what!”
On the flat-screen HDTV, an announcer was saying something very important about THE FUTURE OF FOOTBALL COACH CHARLIE WISE AT NOTRE DAME UNIVERSITY.
Self counted to 10. Slowly, like so: One-thousand-one, one-thousand-two, onte-thousand-three (feeling somewhat like River Phoenix in that Indiana Jones installment where he played “young Indie” to Sean Connery’s wise old papa)
To his credit, hubby has had a very stressful day: this morning he discovered (while self was out doing the groceries) that the reason our house is so cold is that: OUR FLOOR FURNACE DOES NOT WORK.
Yes indeed, dear blog readers: this product of Stanford Engineering School actually TOOK A FLASHLIGHT and peered into the depths of the canyon that is our floor heater, and pronounced that there was no pilot light.
And the whole rest of the day, he sat on the couch, lamenting our inability to have the furnace fixed because of lack of funds. (Self thinks it is genius, absolutely genius that she anticipated this problem by booking a trip to the Philippines in three weeks. Who knew, dear blog readers, who knew that self had ESP???) In the meantime, self sat meekly beside hubby, the picture of wifely forebearance, trying to keep her teeth from chattering.
Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.
Kanlaon 
4 responses to “Transcript of an Actual Conversation that Took Place in Redwood City this Evening”
I’m glad you are getting your furnace fixed (read the last blog posting).
This triggered a memory of me calling Bud, who was at my uncle’s house in Greenhills.
ring-ring-ring (me calling Greenhils)
voice: Hello?
Kathleen: Hello, hello? Ito si Mam Kathleen, nan diyan si Sir Bud?
voice: Teka muna,ho, titingnan ko, sandali.
swish,swish, swish, (tsinelas going down the hall)
voice: Sorry po Mam, Natutulog si Sir Bud.
Kathleen: Sabihin mo sa kaniya na ako ay nasa telepono! Sigue….hihintay ako dito.
swish, swish swish(tsinelas going down the hall again)
voice: Tumutuktok ako, mam, pero hindi gumigising. Sorry po mam, tulog si Sir Bud. CLICK!
My anthro book has an entry: Filipinos are averse to waking people up or passing directly in front.
Kathleen: (dialing lengthy country codes from a phone card), ring-ring-ring
voice: Hello?
Kathleen: Ito si Mam Kathleen. Teka, huwag kayong mag-hangup. Sabihin mo kay Sir Bud ang asawa niya’y tumawag galing sa STATES. OK? Oh sigue, hija, tumotuktok ka naman sa pintuan niya.
scuffle, scuffle, scuffle..
Bud: Shug? How are you? What time is it there?
and that’s how it went in 1995.
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Ha, ha, ha!
OK, How ’bout this: I call to get my brother’s cell phone #, and the maid says, “Let me give you the number of his secretary.”
I felt like telling her, “This is his sister. I’m not going through no secretary!!!”
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I was hoping to one day be Senora…but the language changed and now everyone is Mam. I like Sir Bud, though…
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I prefer the Bisaya way of referring to me: “Inday” Batchoy
I have to agree: “Sir Bud” sounds pretty fine. What I also loved about your piece was the “swish swish swish” of the tsinelas, back and forth.
By the way, how brave naman of Bud to go to Manila and stay with your uncle without you!
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