This Would Have Been the XXX Most Gorgeous Day

Self had such a wonderful afternoon.  She spent most of it outside, planting Galactic Star daffodil bulbs in the backyard.  It took her quite a long time, for aside from fluffing up the soil with gypsum and organic amendments, she had to construct a kind of wire barrier over each planting, to forestall crafty Gracie, whose diet du jour lately consists of chewing up the bulbs self has so lovingly planted —  as she did last week with a whole bunch of fritillaria bulbs that self had just purchased from Costco.

If self had just stayed out in the backyard, enjoying the last rays of this gorgeous fall afternoon, instead of coming inside to wash her grimy hands, she wouldn’t have had to listen to the four messages from Bank of America telling her that someone had been charging massive amounts again on Dearest Mum’s Bank of America debit card.

Self stood there, receiver pressed to her ear, waves of shifting emotion washing over her as she listened to each of the bank’s messages.  But, first and foremost, self was mighty confused.  First of all, Dearest Mum had assured her that she had closed the account.  Or, at any rate, had cut up the card.  And presumably Dearest Mum remembered to tell Bank of America that she was closing the account.  But perhaps she forgot.  As she’s been traveling so much lately —  Oh how Dearest Mum loves to pick up and go at the drop of a hat, it’s become her signature thing.

So self dials Dearest Mum’s cell phone.  Yes, indeed, this represents a giant leap forward for Dearest Mum, that she has actually aquired a cell phone.  Or, at least, she informed self just before leaving for New York that she had acquired a cell phone.  But when self dials the number now, she gets a man’s voice, and it doesn’t sound like anyone she knows.  Also, the name is Luis something something.  Who in God’s name is that ???  Self hangs up without leaving a message.

Before long, however, Dearest Mum calls, all coo-ey and excitable.

Dearest Mum:  Did you just try and call me?

Self:  Yes.  Who was that on your voice mail?

Dearest Mum:  I don’t know.

Self:  You don’t know?  But you’re using his phone.

Dearest Mum:  Oh?  Tee-hee.  I got this phone from your uncle.

Self:  He gave it to you?

Dearest Mum:  Yes, he gave it to me.  So it’s mine now.

Self:  I think you’d better change the message on the voice mail.  In case Bank of America tries to call.

Dearest Mum:  Yes, I would like to complain because the stupid card doesn’t work.  I tried to use it yesterday and they blocked it.  Or at least, the salesperson said it was blocked or something.

Self:  You’re still using that card?  Isn’t that the one with all the fraudulent charges from last year?

Dearest Mum:  Yes, but I explained everything to the bank.  That it wasn’t my fault, you know.

Self:  Yes, but why are you still using that card?  Can’t you get another one?

Dearest Mum:  Should I?  Get another one?  I thought everything was fixed?

Self:  Mom, I have four messages on my voice mail from Bank of America.  Apparently, there’s another problem.

Dearest Mum:  Oh, I’m too busy now, why don’t you call them?

Self:  Mom, I can’t call them, because my name is not on the card.  You have to call them.

Dearest Mum:  I do?

Self:  Yes.  Do it now.

Dearest Mum (frosty):  I’m very busy now.  I’ll do it later.

Self would just like to scream, dear blog readers.  Honestly, she would just like to scream.

2 Comments

  1. Kathleen said,

    October 30, 2008 at 2:59 am

    And I would scream with you! Oh No! A repeat of the previous hair pulling crazy thing!

  2. October 30, 2008 at 4:05 am

    I think I am just going to switch off the phone. Or change my number.


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