4:42 a.m., Can’t Sleep

Always, when self awakens, for about two beats she feels nothing. Then she remembers, and her neck and shoulders (where, apparently, all her emotions are stored) begin to ache terrifically.

Today, same old same old. When self looks at the clock, it says 4:42 a.m. Self wipes away a few residual tears. Picks up a book (because, in times of extreme tribulation, it’s always been reading that has carried her forward).

This morning, she is reading all about the gastronomical excesses of Roman Emperor Elagabalus:

At his banquets the emperor Elagabalus mixed together jewels, apples, and flowers, tossing out as much food from the window as was served to his guests. He “loved to hear the prices of the food served at his table exaggerated, claiming it was an appetizer for the banquet.” He fed foie gras to his dogs, served truffles in place of pepper and ground pearls on the fish, and dished up gold-encrusted peas.

Wow. Even that has the power to make self’s jaw drop, even at such a moment. Stay tuned.

Bad Comedy and the Last Day of the San Carlos Farmers Market

There’s a purple lump just under self’s knee, where she banged it when the phone rang at 10:30 p.m. She was in the bedroom, hubby was outside. When the phone rang, we both made for it, only hubby was closer. Self began yelling: “Answer it! Answer it!”

Hubby has extreme reticence about answering the phone — for any reason whatsoever. His friends call him on his cell, so only self’s friends or family call the home number. But last night, for some reason, he made for the phone and then remembered, and stopped. Self was yelling, “Answer it, answer it!” as she ran down the hallway, and she tripped over something, and OK self is sorry if this is beginning to sound like a bad comedy, but she remembers hubby standing motionless in front of the ringing phone, just staring at it, and saying, “I’m not going to answer that, I’m not going to answer that.”

And all manner of curses were about to erupt from self’s lips. But, there wasn’t time to utter them, for in the next minute she heard her brother’s voice — not the one in Tel Aviv, but his twin in Manila — and next thing you know a big hole opened up in self, bigger than anything you can imagine. But before she had a chance to think, Read the rest of this entry »

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