A Meme: Long Time Coming

Courtesy of Writerchick, self hereby announces:

THE SIX-WORD MEMOIR

(Originally conceived by Bookbabie)

“Life is not a fairy tale.”

(With apologies, dear blog readers, for self’s appalling lack of originality)

Self now passes the baton to these five fab bloggers:

Kathleen

Luisa

Lavalady

Stella K

Chancelucky

(Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.)

The Latest

Dearest Mum asked self to meet her this afternoon in the Stanford Shopping Center. After circling around the parking lots for half an hour, self swore to herself (through gritted teeth): No way am I getting out of here without getting something.

Aunt who was with Dearest Mum informed self that her step-daughter was currently “on shift” at Williams Sonoma, so self headed there. And caught the dear girl (dressed all in black, even down to tights and flats, and sporting a fetching, new “Posh Spice” bob) bending over one of those $200 Calphalon non-stick roasting pans. “Now,” self told her, teasingly, “I would like the most expensive item in the store, at 90% discount.”

“The sale tables are in the back,” the girl said, with not a trace of irony.

Yikes! She must be super-stressed this afternoon!

Pretty soon, Dearest Mum and aunt showed up, and both women professed an urgent need to check out Nordstrom’s. So we walked to the other side of the shopping center, and Dearest Mum was munching on a box of See’s butterscotch squares that aunt had kindly plied her with, and then she started choking. And choking. And choking. And self had a glass of water handy (Good thing aunt had given this to self, just before scooting off somewhere to fetch her hubby), and then Dearest Mum confided that she always has that reaction when she eats butterscotch squares. And then self wondered why aunt, who knows everything about Dearest Mum, keeps plying her with these choke-inducing morsels?

Thankfully, self and Dearest Mum arrived at Nordstrom’s without further incident. It turned out that Dearest Mum was greatly desirous of purchasing the exact same lipstick that self had been wearing last Friday, at the reading of Brian Dempster and Jay Dayrit at the Chinese Cultural Center on Kearney. Self had no idea what lipstick she was wearing, but aunt (who had suddenly popped up, like a veritable Jack-in-the-Box) became adamant that we find the exact same shade, and then Dearest Mum started mushing all sorts of violet and red shades on self’s lips without the benefit of a lip brush or a mirror, and to all the different shades she had the same reaction: No, that’s not the one. Eventually self was able to escape and hie her mangled lips over to a Kleenex box that a kind cosmetics counter girl held out to her. And, my, now she knows that she doesn’t need the Botox to have lips like Angelina Jolie’s, all she needs is a very determined mom and aunt.

After that, it was on to the handbag section. And aunt immediately zoomed in on a woven straw Juicy Couture tote, with leather handles and all sorts of zippers and gew-gaws. And Dearest Mum exclaimed at how cute it was. And self did a desultory pawing of other bags, but she got a heart attack each time she looked at the prices, because even at 50% off, all the bags self looked over were at least $300. And then, a miracle occurred: aunt put down the woven straw bag, and self took a peek inside and saw that it was only $100 on sale. And it was indeed the cutest thing. And she suddenly burst out with: “I’ll take it!” And Dearest Mum and aunt stared at self with purest hate and envy and Dearest Mum said, “Since when have you liked going shopping???”

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

So now, self is home. And her happiness is complete because, right after tossing Juicy Couture tote to the very highest shelf of her closet, she opened her e-mail and found therein a message from sole fruit of her loins, presently cooling his heels in Valladolid, Spain. And here is an exact quote from his e-mail:

MOM!!! It’s insane here! Internet access may be spotty, but it’s working for now.

SPAIN WON EURO 2008! There was massive celebration! Everyone lit a cigarette at the same time to celebrate, it seems. I couldn’t breathe. Also, 65% of Spain is currently drunk.

Gotta run!

And with that, self bids loyal blog readers Good Night.

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