Rating “The Mist”

That’s the Netflix movie she’s watching right now. Hubby, with almost uncanny sense of self-preservation, adamantly refused to stop watching “CSI: New York” last night, even though self swore, swore that “The Mist” was exactly the kind of movie he would like, as it contained lots of “chills and thrills.”

Anyhoo, after a morning’s hard work spent writing and watering the garden, self settled down on the sofa, whipped out the remote, and started the movie.

Her mood was at first extremely sanguine, especially after hearing the lines, “There’s something in the mist! It’s taken Johnny Lee!”

But, alas, shortly thereafter, two things began to happen:

  • Marcia Gay Harden, playing local loony, began to take over the movie.
  • David (Thomas Jane), hero of our story, seemed to be forgetting that his wife was out there in said mist. How very convenient that a lady even prettier than his wife (playing the local fifth grade schoolteacher) happened to be trapped in the food store with him.

Then, the girl who played Jack in “Chronicles of Riddick” got an insect bite and her throat swelled up to massive proportions, and she died.

Then, the short guy who played the consul in “The Painted Veil” got eaten by humongous insect (Too bad, as he claimed to be the “state target shooting champion of 1994”; how very convenient that, when he got eaten, he dropped his pistol, and it happened to land just within reach of David/ hero — well, right on top of his car hood, to be exact)

Then David managed to get four people out of the supermarket (where they’d been trapped for the last two days, valiantly staving off giant insects by stacking super-jumbo-size bags of dog food against the plate-glass windows) into his jeep, and they were able to drive an inordinately long time before running out of gas, and just after David did mercy killings of his passengers, he discovered (Ta-RA!) the U.S. Army.

And there is Enya music playing in the background while he screams, screams, SCREEAAAAMS!!!

Who, WHO is responsible for this calumny? Self waits for the closing credits and sees: Written for the screen by Frank Darabont. And then, a few beats later: Based on a Stephen King story.

And now it is self’s turn to scream: No, no, NOOOO!!!

As she has always harbored a fondness for Stephen King, having read Cujo and Misery and Pet Sematary and Christine and maybe a couple of others whose titles escape her at the moment.

Remember “The Mist”, dear blog readers. And stay away. Stay far, far AWAAAAYYYY !!!

Quote of the Day: A Tale of Two Presidents

From Richard A. Clarke’s Against All Enemies: Inside America’s War on Terror, p. 243:

Bush was informed by talking with a small set of senior advisors. Early on we were told that “the President is not a big reader” and goes to bed by 10:00. Clinton, by contrast, would be plowing through an in-box filled with staff memos while watching cable television news well after midnight. He would exhaust the White House staff’s and departmental staff’s expertise and then reach out to university and other sources. More often than not, we would discover he had read the latest book or magazine articles on the subject at hand. Clinton stopped me in the hall one day to say, “Good job on that speech in Philadelphia.” Wondering how he knew what I had said, I asked, “How the hell did you see that speech?” The President gave me a sheepish grin and admitted: “I had C-SPAN on while I was reading last night.” Checking the C-SPAN schedule, I discovered that my Philadelphia speech on the Middle East peace process had run at 2:00 a.m. On another occasion Clinton told me he had read a new book by Gabriel Garcia Marquez the night before. When I tried to get a copy of the book, I learned that it had not yet been published. Clinton was reading the galleys.

NYTBR “Summer Reading” Issue, Cont.

All right, m’lovelies, where were we?

Oh yes, self was starting to list the books she is interested in reading after perusing the “Summer Reading” issue of The New York Times Book Review (1 June 2008). If she’s not mistaken, self left off in the middle of Item # 2:

(2) Continued: Books for the three presidential candidates (the three as of last week, self means), recommended by Selected Celebrity Authors (whose names follow their recommendations):

(3) After reading Joshua Hammer’s round-up of Travel Books:

  • Thomas B. Kohnstamm’s Do Travel Writers Go to Hell? A Swashbuckling Tale of High Adventures, Questionable Ethics, and Professional Hedonism
  • Richard Grant’s God’s Middle Finger: Into the Lawless Heart of the Sierra Madre
  • Jim Malusa’s Into Thick Air: Biking to the Bellybutton of Six Continents
  • Scott Huler’s No-Man’s Lands: One Man’s Odyssey Through ‘The Odyssey’

(4) After reading Liesl Schillinger’s review of Margot Livesey’s The House on Fortune Street:

  • Barbara Pym’s Excellent Women

(5) After reading Candice Millard’s review of John Hemming’s Tree of Rivers: The Story of the Amazon:

  • John Hemming’s Tree of Rivers: The Story of the Amazon

(6) After reading Jane and Michael Stern’s review of Patricia and Walter Wells’ We’ve Always Had Paris . . . And Provence:

  • Patricia and Walter Wells’ We’ve Always Had Paris . . . And Provence

(7) After reading Joe Queenan’s hilarious End-Paper Essay, “Jumbo Lit” (which had self laughing for hours):

The following hefty tomes:

  • Robert Musil’s unfinished novel, The Man Without Qualities (1,774 pages)
  • The Iliad (663 pages)
  • All The King’s Men (661 pages)
  • Anna Karenina (851 pages)
  • Middlemarch
  • The Mayor of Casterbridge
  • Boswell’s Life of Johnson
  • the unabridged Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
  • War and Peace
  • Don Quixote
  • The Decameron

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