Self’s Day of Reckoning Has Arrived

Self’s day of reckoning has arrived, dear blog readers. Yes, this is the day when self has decided she must sign up for traffic school. Technically, she has until Jan. 22 to sign up, but who wants to think about traffic school during the holidays? Certainly not self! Even though the pain of paying a further $200 to register, added to the pain of having had to pay for a $190 ticket, feels quite extreme (since self’s pocket book is rather limp these days), self must shoulder on.

So, grim with resolve, self whips out the envelope she’s kept tucked in the top drawer of her writing desk for the last two weeks. And she goes down the list. And here is the list self peruses, following this very important notice:

TO ALL STUDENTS: DO NOT UTILIZE ANY HOME STUDY PROGRAM OR URL FOUND BY A SEARCH ENGINE OR RECOMMENDATION, AS ONLY THOSE PROGRAMS APPROVED BY THIS COURT AND APPEARING ON THIS LIST ARE ALLOWED, WITHOUT EXCEPTION.

Since self can read English, she understands the import of the above notice. Yes, it is extremely loud and clear. If self goes to a traffic school other than those on the below list, she will immediately be hauled off to Guantanamo Bay and denied all rights to further trial. Without further ado, the list:

Cheap Comedy 4-U Day/Nite Classes — San Mateo/ San Carlos
Rocky Cologne’s Comedy Traffic School — Burlingame/ Millbrae/ San Carlos
Lettuce Amuse U Comedy Schools Inc. — Menlo Park
Comedy for Less Traffic School — Foster City/ San Mateo/ Redwood City
Facil Divertido Y A Su Alcance — San Mateo/ Foster City/ Burlingame/ Millbrae
Saturday or Sunday Painless Schools — Burlingame/ Redwood City/ San Mateo
Pizza 4 U — Great Comedians — San Mateo/ Foster City/ Burlingame
HDTV Weekend Traffic School — San Mateo
Great Comedians Traffic School — San Mateo/ Burlingame/ Millbrae/ San Bruno
La Clase De Trafico Para Los Latinos — San Mateo/ South San Francisco/ Redwood City
Cheap School — Burlingame/ San Mateo/ Foster City/ Millbrae/ South San Francisco
Fun-N-Cheap Comedy Traffic School — Redwood City/ San Mateo
Alice Traffic School — Millbrae
Improv: The Comedy Club Presents — San Carlos/ San Mateo/ South San Francisco

Hello, self thinks. Did she somehow get sent the wrong list? She wanted traffic school, not How To Be an Improv Comedian classes. Self stares and stares at the logo at the top of the sheet, and there she reads:

Superior Court of California
County of San Mateo
“Only Attend a Classroom Traffic School From This List”

Oh, well, so she has the right list after all. Now, hmmm, let’s see, this will take some serious thought, as self would sincerely love to sign up at all the schools whose names contain the word “Cheap” (for self and hubby are cheap, occasional dinners in Citizen Cake and splurges like the Calphalon Mother of All Roasting Pans notwithstanding), but she is also tempted by the one that says “Rocky Cologne,” for it reminds her of her first gynecologist, the one at Kaiser in Redwood City who went by the name Dr. Bozo.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

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