Self’s Day of Reckoning Has Arrived

Self’s day of reckoning has arrived, dear blog readers. Yes, this is the day when self has decided she must sign up for traffic school. Technically, she has until Jan. 22 to sign up, but who wants to think about traffic school during the holidays? Certainly not self! Even though the pain of paying a further $200 to register, added to the pain of having had to pay for a $190 ticket, feels quite extreme (since self’s pocket book is rather limp these days), self must shoulder on.

So, grim with resolve, self whips out the envelope she’s kept tucked in the top drawer of her writing desk for the last two weeks. And she goes down the list. And here is the list self peruses, following this very important notice:


Since self can read English, she understands the import of the above notice. Yes, it is extremely loud and clear. If self goes to a traffic school other than those on the below list, she will immediately be hauled off to Guantanamo Bay and denied all rights to further trial. Without further ado, the list:

Cheap Comedy 4-U Day/Nite Classes — San Mateo/ San Carlos
Rocky Cologne’s Comedy Traffic School — Burlingame/ Millbrae/ San Carlos
Lettuce Amuse U Comedy Schools Inc. — Menlo Park
Comedy for Less Traffic School — Foster City/ San Mateo/ Redwood City
Facil Divertido Y A Su Alcance — San Mateo/ Foster City/ Burlingame/ Millbrae
Saturday or Sunday Painless Schools — Burlingame/ Redwood City/ San Mateo
Pizza 4 U — Great Comedians — San Mateo/ Foster City/ Burlingame
HDTV Weekend Traffic School — San Mateo
Great Comedians Traffic School — San Mateo/ Burlingame/ Millbrae/ San Bruno
La Clase De Trafico Para Los Latinos — San Mateo/ South San Francisco/ Redwood City
Cheap School — Burlingame/ San Mateo/ Foster City/ Millbrae/ South San Francisco
Fun-N-Cheap Comedy Traffic School — Redwood City/ San Mateo
Alice Traffic School — Millbrae
Improv: The Comedy Club Presents — San Carlos/ San Mateo/ South San Francisco

Hello, self thinks. Did she somehow get sent the wrong list? She wanted traffic school, not How To Be an Improv Comedian classes. Self stares and stares at the logo at the top of the sheet, and there she reads:

Superior Court of California
County of San Mateo
“Only Attend a Classroom Traffic School From This List”

Oh, well, so she has the right list after all. Now, hmmm, let’s see, this will take some serious thought, as self would sincerely love to sign up at all the schools whose names contain the word “Cheap” (for self and hubby are cheap, occasional dinners in Citizen Cake and splurges like the Calphalon Mother of All Roasting Pans notwithstanding), but she is also tempted by the one that says “Rocky Cologne,” for it reminds her of her first gynecologist, the one at Kaiser in Redwood City who went by the name Dr. Bozo.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

End of the Quarter Musings

Self can hardly believe it, but there’s only one week of regular class left in the quarter. It seemed like only yesterday that she was greeting the 35 new students who signed up for her English 1B at xxxx community college. If self makes it safely through this week’s grading hell, she will emerge next week with only the Writing Center hours and the finals.

Then, son comes. And, the end of the week, the carpet cleaners come (Self was not able to secure an appointment before son’s arrival, boo).

This evening, self cooked up a very grand plan with one of the handful of friends she made at VCCA: Drew. Self will write something, and Drew will set it to music. Then, we will apply for a grant and become famous. At least, this is our fond hope.

Let’s see, the year is coming to a close, and self does not have any travel plans drawn up for next year (other than Mendocino — self agreed to teach a couple of workshops at Mendocino Coast Writers Festival, something she admits she’s pretty excited about). There is one reading she knows she has for sure, at Books Inc. in Opera Plaza, but that’s not until March. And she only managed to get off one application for a writing residency, so far. Looks like 2008 will be a relatively quiet year, then. Especially since self doubts she will get to Manila next summer. So, does this mean she’ll have time to crank out another book — ???

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

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