Strange But True V

OK, self was bored. While visiting son last weekend, learned that son’s laptop was not actually * in his possession *, was in fact in possession of friend living in a place called Mustang Village (Cal Poly just loves horses, as teams are named mustang, bookstore is named El Corral, etc. etc.) So, this evening, upon prodding from dear hubby, sent e-mail to son demanding he retrieve laptop from friend in Mustang Village, FORTHWITH. Was not actually expecting immediate reply, but did check after half an hour: nope, nada (Sincerely hope son is studying — ??? Self also sincerely hopes son has not * yet * lent anyone his $169 Ray-Bans?).

While trapped in this state of uncertainty and anxiety over son’s rather lackadaisical attitude to expensive possessions, decided to amuse self by looking up ranking of latest book on Amazon.com (Self should have consulted horoscope first. But, why? Self would only have been told: “Today you will gain someone’s respect.” Which would not have stopped self from looking up ranking on Amazon. Horoscope should have said: Today is a day for careful evaluation, not hasty decisions. That sort of horoscope would certainly have gotten her attention. But, I digress)

Well, this evening, self has discovered that there is actually something worse than ranking of 1, 675,321, which was self’s ranking six months ago. Yes, if only self had not looked a gift horse in the mouth. Because today, self has made the rather disconcerting discovery that there is no end to the bottomless pit that is the Amazon rankings. For today, Wednesday, 30 May, ranking of beloved Mayor of the Roses is: #4,072,854

Dismay! Anguish! Bewilderment!

But, must desist from downing recently purchased quart of Coconut Sorbet. Must remember that this is still better than ranking of 8,075,621, which undoubtedly exists (Only where? Self has never seen any ranking even approach 2,000,000 — not, that is, until looking at self’s ranking this evening.)

Self, stop being so pathetic! This is only what you deserve! You write depressing stories and expect people to read them? Did not that learned professor write in The Multicultural Review that your stories were “depressing” and “sardonic”? (“Sardonic” is not so bad. And self cannot argue with the “depressing”) Looked him up on google and he was a rather aged gent, so perhaps this was a generational misunderstanding?

Self, stop it right this minute! As if gnashing of teeth can do anything to elevate self’s ranking on Amazon.com! Better to do as Sage Master Shih Cheng-Yen states, in Still Thought # 89:

Our hearts have three poisons: greed, anger, and ignorance. In giving we heal greed, with compassion we appease anger, and with wisdom we overcome ignorance.

Stay tuned, dear blog reader, stay tuned.

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