Quotes of the Day: VANITY FAIR on Bruce, Alex Koppelman on “Fox News Democrats”

Just back from xxxx community college, where self was informed by Dean that two classes self had thought she was teaching in the fall (one of them Creative Writing) were being re-assigned. Self knows that, as a part-timer, she has no rights. So, took it on the chin, drove home still in calm mood, turned on flat-screen HDTV and watched Andy Roddick receive trouncing at hands of unknown Russian stripling. Really, self felt extremely empathetic with Roddick’s coach, Jimmy Connors. Honestly, at times had to look away from screen, as Roddick’s inability to reach final time and time again becoming increasingly painful (He is cute, though)

Then, made a batch of popcorn. Which self is now digging into (bowl balanced on her lap while left hand types). Had been reading a Vanity Fair article on Bruce Willis (If hubby hadn’t asked self to get some popcorn and a drink before the Pirates 3 screening, would not have missed trailer of newest Die Hard: Live Free or Die Hard. Hubby also informed self that she missed the Transformers movie trailer, but who cares about that — !)

Anyhoo, am supine on couch, trying to decide whether having salary cut in half in the fall is a good thing (self can write more) or a bad thing (self cannot afford any more facials! Or splurge on son!). Decide to indulge by reading latest issue of Vanity Fair. Naturally, skip all the boring articles on politicos, like Michael Wolff’s “Crazy for Rudy” and piece by winner of Vanity Fair essay contest, “Mrs. Trollope’s America.” Head straight for profile of dear Bruce, which features him strolling on a deserted beach decked out in panama hat (cocked rakishly over one eye) and sarong.

Have gotten only a few paragraphs in when self finds herself sitting up straighter on the couch. Whoever this person is (self rarely looks at who writes these profiles), he/she is funny, can write. Finally, reach a paragraph so delicious that self simply must stop and share it with loyal blog readers. Have reproduced hysterically funny paragraph below. Oh, and by the way, author of the piece is Peter Biskind. Thank you, Peter, for lighting up my afternoon with such incandescent prose about one of self’s favorite screen icons:

Biskind on the first three Die Hard pictures:

. . . the peekaboo politics of these pictures were really just window dressing, a veneer of topicality. It’s best just to appreciate them for what they are, action paintings in motion, odes to sound and fury. They are visual feasts, serving up muzzle flashes against inky darkness, exfoliating fireballs of every hue and shade, from white-hot white to fiery red, to oily black, as well as lush symphonies filled with the deafening staccato of high-velocity weapons discharging blizzards of bullets in counterpoint to the fortissimo of falling beams and shattered glass.

Whew! Self is so exhausted after typing such intense prose.

Now, on to further quotes of the day, which are from an article by Alex Koppelman which appeared on Salon several months ago, “The Real Fox News Democrats.” Self must confess that she watches Fox News regularly, even watches Bill O’Reilly, not for any news — oh no! — but simply to be entertained. There is also the opportunity to watch Michelle Malkin foaming at the mouth when she pinch-hits for O’Reilly.

Now, back to the article.

This is a really fascinating look at the Democrat pundits who are invited to appear on the Fox network. Self thinks any Democrat or liberal who agrees to face off against Hannity or O’Reilly or Malkin or Coulter is exceedingly brave. But Koppelman’s take is this:

Fox also has a stable of regular commentators, some under contract to the network, who pop up frequently as representatives of the Democratic or progressive viewpoint. They do not appear to know what they have gotten into.

Koppelman classifies the Democrats who appear on Fox as:

one of three types. They are either scary liberals, losers or enablers.


As examples of “scary Democrats”, Koppelman produces Al Sharpton and Rep. Charles Rangel, D-N.Y., who he describes as “big-city liberals”; and Rep. Dennis Kucinich (who to me looks almost Filipino), who is “D-Vegan Peacenik.”

Koppelman then goes on to describe Fox’s audience:

Besides being rather elderly — the median age of a Fox viewer tops 60 — it is disproportionately conservative and Republican. In the 2004 election, according to Mark Mellman, Fox viewers preferred President Bush over John Kerry by an astonishing 88 percent to 7 percent. Bush’s backing among Fox viewers was more solid than his support among white evangelicals, gun owners or supporters of the Iraq war.

With figures like the above, self submits that it is not Democrats who are “crazy”, but Fox viewers.

When Minister Hashim Nzinga, chief of staff of the New Black Panther Party, appeared on Hannity & Colmes, Hannity, according to Koppelman, “told Nzinga that he needed to seek mental help.” (Does Koppleman realize how hysterically funny this is ??? )

As examples of “loser Democrats”, Koppelman cites Geraldine Ferraro (former VP candidate, undone by iff-y tax returns filed by her spousal unit), and Susan Estrich, who managed Michael Dukakis’ star-crossed 1988 presidential campaign (Who, I implore you, can forget the sight of diminutive Dukakis riding around in a tank? Who was responsible for thinking up such a brilliant photo op? Could that have been Estrich ???)

Anyhoo, in the final category we have what Koppelman calls “the enablers” (such a funny word!), and maybe the Salon article has been booby-trapped or something, because every time self tries to copy a quote from the Koppleman article to insert here, Safari bombs. So, since this has happened six times already, and self really must get a move on with grading papers, self will just have to say that there are names named as “enablers”, but no one that self recognized.

Believe self has provided loyal blog readers with enough reading pleasure for one day. Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

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