Kanlaon

Forgive me for using this blog to belabor your ears (or rather, your eyes) dear blog reader, but my poor head is spinning, literally spinning, with all sorts of permutations and possibilities.

Was invited to read at University of Hawaii at Manoa. Oh no! Sponsors are poor, cannot cover my airfare. Never mind, I told them, I’ll apply to Poets & Writers. Having said which, immediately go to Poets & Writers website, find the number for my “area” (Los Angeles), call office, perky girl tells me readings in Hawaii are not eligible for funding.

But, but, I say, almost spluttering, doesn’t your website say you make some exceptions for cases where multicultural communities will be served? And, I mean, Hawaii is very multicultural.

Girl says, Hawaii? I’m from Hawaii. Are you reading at the East-West Center?

No, I say. But it IS at the University of Hawaii at Manoa.

What department is sponsoring you? Girl asks, suddenly very interested.

Ahh, ahh, I say, let me see: Department of Hawaiian and Indo-Pacific Languages and Literatures.

What is THAT? girl shrieks.

I go, ahhh, ahhh, I don’t know, it’s the first time I’ve ever heard of them myself, but it was very nice of them to ask me, I mean …

What’s your name, demands officious girl.

Ahhh, why, are you Filipina? I ask.

No, girl says. But I’m a poet myself.

Ah, ahhh, I say, stammering. And I give her my name. Which, how stupid, I should have pretended to be one of my esteemed colleagues, perhaps a poet. Because my name does not have any effect on girl at all, it’s obvious she’s never heard of me, and our call comes to an abrupt end.

OK, humiliation does not end there. Because I determine that even though I am only part-time at xxxx community college, I learn that they do occasionally fund travel for part-time instructors, when there is a surplus in the grant budget. So, last week, in addition to laboring over NEA (which I did not complete anyway), and grading papers, and teaching, I also prepared very complicated grant application to xxxx community college. Walked it in to the Dean myself to get her approval (required).

Dean sits me down in front of her, fixes me with a steely stare, and asks, “How many classes will you be missing?”

Ahhh, ahhh, I say, I’m not even sure my spring class will make . . .

“That’s true,” Dean says. Last year, it didn’t make. It’s a Women Writers class.

She signs my application. I walk it over to the Administrative Office, in pouring rain (lost my umbrella).

Daily, I’ve been checking round trip fares to Hawaii. A month ago, when this whole process started, I could still get fares at $400. Now, today, when I check, they are $700 and climbing.

In some desperation (also because I have to leave for Bindlestiff in a few minutes), I settle on my last hope: dearest Mum in the Philippines.

Ahhh, ahhh, Mum? I say.

Yes? She goes. Am I all set? Did you tell Tito M I’m staying with him?

Ahhh, no, I say. So why don’t you just stay with us? (Accch, I said it! There! I don’t know why, it just slipped out! I’ll have to put her in son’s room, which is a mess. But I have an ulterior motive, better get it over with, now!)

And she says, “Well, OK, but just for one night.”

“That’s great!” I say. “Just so great! And, aaah, Mom, there’s one other thing. You know, you haven’t given me a Christmas or birthday present yet this year, and ah, I’ve been invited to read in Hawaii, and ahhhh, the air fare is very expensive, and ahhh, what if we went halves?”

Mum airily says, “What? No problem, no problem, go ahead.”

But, I tell her, “It really IS very expensive, so I think we should go halves. It’s — $700!!”

And she suddenly says, “When is this reading again?”

Oh, GOD! My heart is sinking! But of course, I cannot tell a lie, I have been trained by nuns of the Assumption Convent. So I tell her, “Mid-April” (off by one week, but maybe that’ll be enough to —)

“Oh,” she says. “Maybe I can go with you.”

@@!!##

“Ah, yes! That would be great! Um, um …”

“Listen,” dearest Mum says. “I have to go now. This phone call is going on too long.”

Oh, Okay! Bye, Mum! See you, in like, three days!

And afterwards I just press my fist against my mouth and howl, howl, howl.