More on That Bear (In Episode 7 of “Game of Thrones”)

Self was having a heart attack the whole time Jaime was up on the ramparts with the (cowardly) men of Harrenhall Castle, watching poor Brienne bravely attempting to defend herself –  still wearing that pink dress! –  against a fearsome bear.

“You gave her a wooden spear!” Jaime blurts out, to sadistic Locke.

Self just wanted to say, Jaime Jaime Jaime, there is a woman down there fighting for her life and you waste time arguing over whether or not she should have been given something other than a wooden spear?

SPOILER ALERT!

Thank goodness Brienne herself settles the question by attempting a very foolhardy maneuver:  attacking the rearing bear head-on.  For that, she gets a good, hard swipe at the neck.

At that moment, self’s jaw went slack:  IT’S ALL UP FOR THE MAID OF TARTH, self thought.  FOR SURE!

But no!  Jaime bestirs himself to jump into the pit!  He shouts to Brienne:  “Get behind me!”

The scene ends the episode, but self’s heart was still racing.  The last name on the closing credits was:

BART THE BEAR

Tee-hee Ha ha BWAH HA HA!  So that was a REAL bear after all, not CGI as self surmised!

Kudos to Gwendoline Christie for being such a good sport!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Books Mentioned in The New York Times Book Review, 30 September 2012

Isn’t it wonderful how self keeps finding NYTBR issues from last year?

Here’s one that isn’t too long ago:  it’s from September 2012.

In this issue, the “By the Book” interview is With Michael Chabon, who just happens to be reading Moonraker, by Ian Fleming (written 1955).  He also mentions Cloud Atlas, and Ben Marcus (author of The Flame Alphabet) and three of what he thinks are classics of “genre fiction”:  The Turn of the Screw, Heart of Darkness, and Blood Meridian.  Next on his reading list:  Beyond Black, by Hilary Mantel, and Diamonds are Forever.

There is a review of Love Bomb, a novel by Lisa Zeidner, that refers to a previous novel by Ayelet Waldman, Red Hook Road (which self will try and read).

Finally, there is a review by Christian Bauman (who served with the United States Army in Somalia and Haiti) of Fobbit, by David Abrams, a novel whose hero is assigned to a public affairs team in a “Forward Operating Base,” or FOB, in Iraq. (“Dead soldiers,” according to Abrams’ hero, “were now little more than objects to be loaded onto the back of C-130s somewhere and delivered like pizzas to the United States.”)

Interesting.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

OMG, Brienne!

Oh my goodness!  There was so much meat in this episode (Season 3 # 7) of “Game of Thrones”!

  • Peter Dinklage aka Tyrion swears undying loyalty and affection towards his whore.
  • Arya receives archery lessons in the forest (“Don’t bother taking aim before you shoot.  Your eyes know where the target is.”).
  • Gendry, Arya’s best bud, gets carted off by a purported witch.
  • Margaery and Sansa have a heart-to-heart about the pleasures of the wedding night.
  • Tyrion and his field marshall discuss Sansa Stark, Tyrion’s whore, and what a man has to do in order to keep both his wife and his mistress happy.
  • Ygritte tells Jon Snow she is his woman now and if she finds he’s betrayed her, she’ll cut off his member and string it around his neck.  Fortunately, Jon Snow appears to take this threat very, very seriously.
  • Brienne gets to fight a bear.

Whoa!  Did self just type “fight a bear”?  Indeed, she did!

Self loves Brienne, there’s just something so, so — majestic about her.  When she squares off against a marauding bear, in the middle of a pit surrounded by jeering louts, wearing her least favorite attire (a dress, and pink at that), she still summons dignity and courage.

Is it any wonder that Jaime has to rescue her?

OMG, OMG, OMG.

Stay tuned.

Weekly WordPress Photo Challenge: Pattern

Gondolier, Venice, Italy

Gondolier, Venice, Italy

Was taking pictures from a bridge over a canal.  Waited.  Sure enough, a gondola happened by.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

10 Things Self Learned Today, the 2nd Thursday of May (2013)

  1. Olga Kurylenko’s acting abilities are extremely limited.  “Oblivion” was a halfway decent movie until she and Tom Cruise were together on-screen during an escape sequence, and she kept turning her head from side to side and opening her mouth –  this is a simulation of fear?  To top it all off, for five minutes she says nothing but “Jack” “Jack” “Jack” “Jack.”  We already know Tom Cruise’s character is called Jack.  So, cut it out, Olga, can’cha?  In another scene, she is called upon to scream in agony, and she sounds like someone just yanked her pony tail.   SPOILER ALERT!  Self simply COULD NOT believe it when they off-ed Andrea Riseborough’s character, because hers was the one compelling performance in the whole movie.
  2. Andrea Riseborough looks great.  Self particularly loved her use of eyeliner, and her gray shift dress.
  3. Nicolaj Coster-Waldau is in this movie and that is probably the only reason self saw it.  But he’s in only one scene.  He does look good as a Mad Max-type character, though.
  4. It’s been so long since the last time self got ice cream at the Redwood City Downtown Century 20 that the salesperson (who’s been there year-in and year-out for, maybe, five years) no longer says “hi.”
  5. Even on weekdays, it is difficult to find parking in Sequoia Station.
  6. Matt Damon made a sci-fi movie!  She saw the preview for it today.  It’s directed by the same guy who directed “District 9.”
  7. The price for the early show at the downtown Redwood City Century 20 has increased:  from $7 to $7.50.
  8. Ryan Reynolds and Jeff Bridges made a movie together, and it looks like a knock-off of “Men in Black.”  Only, instead of battling aliens, Bridges and Reynolds battle the dead who try to pass as the living, who are really trying to take over the planet.
  9. There is a sequel to “300″ appearing soon.  It seems like only two characters from “300″ return:  Lena Headley (who played Gerard Butler’s wife) and Rodrigo Santoro (who was creepy/scary as Xerxes, Persian Conqueror)
  10. There is a new “Hangover” movie coming out.  This one is billed as “Epic” and “Final.”  Ho. Ho. Ho.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

This Is What Happens

Umm, self simply cannot let go of this “Game of Thrones” Jamie Lannister/ Brienne of Tarth thing!  So, until self gets to a really interesting, quotable part of The Portrait of a Lady, by Henry James (she managed to breeze through Little Heathens, the remaining 150 pages, which were all about milking, walking to school in deep snow, etc)  –  which might, actually, already have happened, because in the very first paragraph of the Preface, James reveals that he wrote this novel over three months in Florence and several weeks in Venice!  And what self wants to know is:  How can anyone get any writing done in Italy?  That country is the buzz-kill of all buzz-kills!  In the future, she will only go if she wants to eat.  And eat.  And eat –

Back to “Game of Thrones” things.  And all the wee digressions leading there-to.

Self fell asleep right after The Man got home.  It’s like, everything inside her builds and builds, and then The Man gets home, and she is all normal again.

So, she was all normal ten minutes after The Man got home.  He decided to walk The Ancient One, because it was hot enough.  Seriously, what’s with this weather?  It was cold all the way until 3 p.m., and then it became scorching hot.  This is definitely not the kind of weather pattern self enjoys.

In fact, self was so normal, she fell asleep.  For six straight hours.  She vaguely remembers The Man asking her where the trash can in the bathroom was.  She vaguely remembers telling The Man that she made his dinner:  ravioli with every left-over in the fridge chopped up and sprinkled on top.  With minced oregano from the garden.

Then, self woke at midnight, feeling completely energized and ready to get started with her day.  So she naturally continued her internet explorations of Jamie Lannister and Brienne of Tarth (She has no intention of reading the books, mind you.  Which makes her a total Philistine.  Stop reading right now!)  And now she has stumbled on a site called winteriscoming.net.  And here is an excerpt from an interview that FaB and three other journalists conducted with the intrepid pair, March 21 of this year.  It’s very, very entertaining:

FaB:   You were very muddy through all of last season.

Nikolaj:   That doesn’t change though.

FaB:   Nothing?  No bathing?   No one’s thought to wash you down . . .  ?  Give you a bath . . .  ?

FEEL FREE TO MENTALLY INSERT THE SLY MICHAEL MYERS DR. EVIL RAISED PINKIE LOOK I WAS GIVING BOTH OF THEM.

Nikolaj (after a casual shrug):   Maybe we . . .  might have a bath.  At some time.

Terri catches on quickly, leaning forward, and asks, “May we say there could be bathing in season three?  Or . . .  is that in future seasons . . .  ?  This . . . POTENTIAL bath . . . ?”

Some polite coughing ensues.  But I cannot stress enough how each reporter is now . . .  slowly . . .  beginning . . .  to lean forward.  We’re so eager!

Gwendoline (casually):  I think everyone washes.  Don’t they?

Terri has the tail of a fish and refuses to let go, saying, “In the woods?  Do they?  I guess there are streams (innocently).  Maybe . . . “

Nikolaj (smiling casually):  I think Jaime would love a bath.

Everyone in the room pretty much agrees that yes, yes he would.  And yes, a bath would be a good thing.

And there’s more!  But for the rest of the interview, you will just have to go here.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Good For You, Self!

You did not give in to temptation and slink off to see “Oblivion”!  No, you stayed home, and saved $7.  Not only that, you saved two hours of your life which were instead spent on:

  • Catching up with old friends.  You found an e-mail from Beth Alvarado.  Which was just so, so –  zen, because you had just been in the Stanford Creative Writing Program yesterday, attending a colloquium with T. C. Boyle (T.C., why are you so hip?  What gives you the right to be so hip?  How can you be a famous author and not be an ass?  How?  How?  How?  Is it your red converse sneakers and the black suit and the hair that probably at one time used to be a mullet?) and it would have been a terrible waste of the energy flow from that event to see a movie like “Oblivion.”
  • You got to try to get son off from jury duty.  That is, you called the San Mateo County Courthouse on his behalf and explained that on the date in question, son would be in Claremont, receiving his Masters diploma.  And the lady said, “Fine.  I’ll move his date to the following week.”  To which self really had no rejoinder.  Well, actually, she did attempt a rejoinder but the lady cut her off and said, “Ma’am, this is the second postponement.  By now he should know what his summer plans are!” Self meekly subsided.
  • You got to hear the mail landing in the mailbox.  And you were then able to see that you had a form rejection (from Colere) and an announcement of winners of the Sarabande Book Prize and were informed that IF you were a finalist, the entry fee for next year’s contest would be waived, so you thought that you were a finalist, until you read the names of the finalists.  What is the point of sending a letter saying IF you are this, then you won’t have to pay a fee to join the contest next year, when there are only three finalists and the letter was probably sent to EVERYBODY?
  • You got to do more web research on your favorite characters from “Game of Thrones” :  Jaime Lannister (You finally realized you’d been mis-spelling his name forever), and Brienne of Tarth.  And you found this fascinating interview between Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Self can’t believe she actually spelled that correctly), and Rolling Stone.  NC-W says quote unquote:  I’m sorry, I’m going in circles.  You were asking about Brienne and I’m talking about Jaime!  To which interviewer responds quote unquote:  It’s very Jaime of you.  To which NC-W responds quote unquote:  We should have Gwen on the phone.  It’d be more fun.

See, this is the reason why watching Jaime Lannister and Brienne of Tarth on “Game of Thrones” is so much fun:  there’s this on-going banter between two people who respect each other, one of whom just happens to be a man.  And maybe Brienne, the woman, really wishes she were a man as well.  The man’s good looks are completely incidental to the relationship, and the woman’s plain-ness is incidental as well.  Holy Cow!  Did you catch that smokin’ hot tub scene in Episode 5?  When Brienne stood up from the water where she’d been just moments earlier simpering like a blushing bride and displayed herself to Jaime in all her earthly glory (from the back, but her curves were evident), and the guy was just — mesmerized?  As were we, the viewers?

Until the fight on the bridge episode (Episode 2?), which was the last one self saw before leaving for Venice, self’s favorite character on “Game of Thrones” was Daenerys.  But –  no more!  Give her Brienne’s awkward ungainliness any time!

So, given that self had skipped watching approximately three weeks’ worth of “Game of Thrones,” she could be forgiven for wondering why Jaime Lannister was wearing that hand on a rope around his neck.  She didn’t realize it was his own hand until some bandit began ridiculing him about it.  Then it was — GASP! –  Holy Major Plot Development!  As some other person on the web said (You see?  Self really HAS been all over the web this afternoon!):  Jaime.  Oh, Jaime.  I really hope you’re ambidexterous.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

A Post About Rabbits

It is chilly inside the house.  But if the past few days are any indication, the clouds will eventually disperse and by late afternoon, the garden will be baking in heat.  It’s a miracle anything endures through late spring/ summer/ early fall in this place.

Self has Little Heathens:  Hard Times and High Spirits on an Iowa Farm During the Great Depression balanced on her lap  (Seriously, she’s getting sick of typing that title over and over and over, every time she posts about this book.  But since she isn’t even halfway — she started reading it last week in Trieste, and has so far made it to p. 136 — she must persevere).

P. 137 is about killing rabbits.

Sole Fruit of Her Loins’ first ambulatory pet was a rabbit named –  something or other.  Her cousin, a little ruffian named Niko, came over one day, got the rabbit out of its cage and, when no one was home (Dearest Mum was supposed to be baby-sitting but anyone who thinks Dearest Mum can baby-sit is probably living on the moon), strangled the poor little creature to death.

Since Son was absolutely distraught, we got him another rabbit.  This one was an enormous and aggressive creature whose pee spray arced for yards.

We finally gave it away and adopted Bella the Beagle, who is still alive today, still sniffing after morsels of food and still coloring our lives with joy.

Eons ago, when self had an artists residency in Mojacar, her favorite thing to do on weekends was to visit the markets in outlying towns.  There, she saw rabbits.  Many, many rabbits.  All in cages.  Self did not actually think about the strange importance of rabbits to the villages of southern Spain.  Not until the fateful day when dinner was served and it was –  eeeek! –  rabbit.

Self has seen Winter’s Bone.  Although she believes that was a squirrel Jennifer Lawrence was cooking for her siblings, not rabbit, the sight of skinned squirrel must be very similar to skinned rabbit.  In fact, you could probably skin them the same way.

And then:  Did you know that it takes “at least two rabbits to make a meal” for a family of seven “because there are only three good pieces to each one:  the saddle of the back and the two hind legs,” and “rabbits have almost no fat”?

In addition, self realizes that she has the same coping mechanism to stress as a rabbit.  Ms Kalish:  “We all knew that when a rabbit senses approaching danger, it will frequently freeze rather than run.  We also knew that a rabbit will leap forward when it does try to escape.”  So, the best strategy is to wait for a rabbit to lunge “forward from its hiding place,” grasp it firmly by the head, then swing it by its hind legs and deliver a sharp whack to the back of its head.  Ms. Kalish again:  “Rabbits have weak necks.  Everyone knew that . . . “

A heartwarming description of how to skin a rabbit follows.

And then a heartwarming description of how to boil a hog’s head.

What is really interesting is that this redoubtable farm woman has her current residence listed as Atherton, California.  And has apparently lived to a great old age (92) in spite of apparently daily ingestions of bacon, hog, and other high-cholesterol food.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

First Post-Venice Costco Run

Ah, Costco.  It is such a crucial part of self’s life.  Even though she has a wee family, which at the moment consists only of The Man and self, she insists on her right to make Coscto runs and purchase those huge packages of paper towels and bath tissue.  Today, she ended up buying a lot of foodstuff, in addition, of course, to her trusty Benadryl (Incidentally, why did Costco stop carrying the 148-pill bottles of Benadryl?  It is so inconvenient for self to have to cut up all those pills from the foil backing.  It takes her so much time, time which would have been better spent reading her book!).  She bought chicken thighs and a 25-lb. bag of Blue Ribbon long grain rice, and headless Tiger Prawns.

Speaking of Costco chicken, the chicken tenderloins she cooked today had absolutely no taste, and self had to drench in Ponzu sauce.  What kind of chicken has NO TASTE?  Even after being marinated?

Self is still reading Little Heathens:  High Spirits and Hard Times on an Iowa Farm During the Great Depression.  Even though this is a very short book (just under 300 pages), and self began reading it almost a week ago, she is still only a third of the way through.

Self is on a chapter called “Medicine.”  In this chapter, we learn that living on an Iowa farm exposes one to injuries of all types, injuries such as:

cuts from axes and knives

stone bruises caused by bare feet on rocks

oozing scrapes

splinters

blood poisoning

pinkeye/ chicken pox/ measles/ mumps

warts

And, here, the author, Mildred Armstrong Kalish, describes a remedy for cuts:

We just went to the barn or the corncrib, found a spiderweb, and wrapped the stretchy filament around the wound.  It stopped the bleeding and the pain, and was thought to have antiseptic qualities.  Generally, healing occurred without further attention.

The only thing that self doesn’t like about this book is that she has no idea how much time is passing –  how old is the narrator when she applies her first spiderweb remedy?  How often did she or her family have to resort to the Vaseline, lard, baking soda, boric acid, salt, camphor, and other homespun remedies for mishaps such as stepping on a nail or on some broken glass?

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

No More Blurry Pictures

Because the camera is new.

New meaning, she bought it a year and a half ago, but couldn’t bear to stop using her old Nikon, which she bought in Hong Kong in 2006.  Sentimental value:  That was the last time self and Sole Fruit of Her Loins were in Asia together.

But, sentimentality begone!

Well, thank you Venetian thief of self’s luggage.

Now, no more blurry pictures!  Forevermore!  She opened the box where the new Nikon had been languishing, and tested it out Saturday, snapping pictures of The Man’s culinary wizardry.

Hmm, how wonderful to be able to take sharp pictures without having to lean on some kind of support!

Here is what self cooked for dinner:  chicken tenderloins, sauteed in Ponzu sauce (Thank you, Mz Kathleen, for introducing self to the wonders of Ponzu sauce!)

Stir-fried Chicken Tenderloins!

Stir-fried Chicken Tenderloins!

One of the pleasures of cooking at home:  having every ingredient at her fingertips!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

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