4 Books From The New Yorker’s Briefly Noted, 2 April 2012/ The Travails of a Wednesday

The first two books on this list are novels; the last two are nonfiction:

A Partial History of Lost Causes, by Jennifer Dubois

“An American woman, fleeing a slow and humiliating death from Huntington’s disease, arrives in Russia in search of an answer to a question posed by her dead father:  What is the proper way to proceed when playing a game one is destined to lose?”

These Dreams of You, by Steve Erickson

“An unemployed professor and former novelist finds himself ineffectually resisting bankruptcy and foreclosure; his wife becomes obsessed with finding their Ethiopian daughter’s natural mother, who may be alive and in trouble.”

Brave Dragons, by Jim Yardley

“Yardley provides incisive accounts of basketball’s history in China and of the N.B.A.’s desire to monetize its popularity there, alongside colorful portraits of the players and hangers-on.”

Monty and Rommel, by Peter Caddick-Adams

“Near-contemporaries, both men were wounded in the First World War and became Field Marshalls in the Second.  Both, Caddick-Adams suggests, were master communicators, and perhaps should not have been promoted from the battlefield, where they excelled, to a strategic level, where they did not.”

*     *    *     *

This has turned out to be quite a trying week, dear blog readers.

For one thing, the husband has been playing this tiresome charade where he pretends to be sick and coughs right in her face.  This, she knows, is because she is about to leave for Scotland, where he imagines she is going to go wild downing bottles of Talisker (On the other hand, things could be worse:  the man could actually be sick, in which case, it will only be a matter of hours — no, minutes! –  before she herself is laid flat with the viral flu)

Self has told him time and time again that she is going away to work.  Not only that, she has looked up the temperature in that part of Scotland and the lows are 43 degrees.  She decides to compare to Redwood City (which is quite chilly today, self is wearing three T-shirts and one pullover, as well as thick socks, and because the wind is so brisk, she has decided not to step out of the house at all) and feels quite faint when the temperature for her area, right now, is 70-something degrees.  She thinks back to Dharamsala and remembers how she shivered under four comforters, even with the heater right next to her bed and going all night (It was one of those old-fashioned coil ones, it reminded her vaguely of a Westinghouse electric fan, and she dreaded knocking it over in her sleep because she was sure she would end up burning to death), and she’s already decided to pack sweaters and thermals and thick socks and woolen scarves, etc etc etc

She happened to give a call to British Airways and was informed that there are no airports in the vicinity of Cambridge (where she has a friend she’d like to meet), and she’s better off going to London and catching a train south.  “Cambridge is south?” self repeated, rather stupidly, and the British Airways woman said, “You are heading to Edinburgh, which is north.  And Cambridge is in the other direction.  South.”

This reminds her of the time, just a week before she left for her first trip to India, when she ended up asking the husband whether New Delhi was near Calcutta. (Her brain feels like it’s been on hold for the past year, dear blog readers.  Perhaps one day, she’ll put it all down, in a book)

Bella The Ancient One got stuck three times in the doggy door.  But it is The Ancient One’s heroics that truly move self, for the dog is about a hundred-plus years old (in equivalent human years) :  still she crawls manfully through that damn doggy door, up and down a flight of stairs to the backyard, to pee.  Self has suggested to hubby that we put a ramp over the stairs, but he thinks it is good exercise for The Ancient One to go up and down steps.

The vet just called, asking why self had not yet picked up The Ancient One’s pain pills ($86 for a month’s supply)

Son called and mentioned that he wanted to know how much it cost to rent a car for a week, and self replied that she couldn’t remember but suggested he try Dollar.  She reminded him to mention that he is a Triple-A member, for the 10% discount.

What else?  She got form rejections from Third Coast and Tin House.  She persists in thinking that the one from Tin House was slightly encouraging.  It was worded:  “Sorry to have to turn you down this time.”  It’s those last two words, “this time,” that self keeps re-playing in her head.  They must really want her work, self thinks.  Or why would they even bother to put “this time”!!!  Perhaps she didn’t get the standard standard rejection, just the medium standard rejection.  Or the slightly standard rejection.  Whatever it is, self is sure she didn’t get the out-and-out rejection from Tin House.

(Which neighbor is it that keeps trundling trash cans back and forth across the sidewalk?  She swears she must have heard that dragging-the-trash-can sound at least five different times in the last two hours.  Every time she peeks out, the sidewalk is empty, and the trash cans are still in place.  Maybe it’s just some kid, dragging his skateboard across the cement . . . )

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Another Beautiful Afternoon (May 2012)

Visited a dear friend in El Granada today.

We had green tea in her “shed.” Her husband, who as far as self knows was a UC Davis grad (though not, self is sure, in architecture), built “the shed” himself.

This is another of her husband’s many projects. He constructed the redwood box himself.

Inside the “shed” is another marvel of space-age engineering. Self is very envious of the mini’s high-gloss shine!

Yet another of Bob’s horticultural projects

Diane’s studio. She is an amazing artist. We’ve known each other since before Andrew was born.

Mother of All Lists (May 2012)

  • The best book self has read so far this year:  Caesar:  Life of a Colossus, by Adrian Goldsworthy
  • The book it has taken her the longest to read so far this year has been:  Ian McEwan’s Atonement (28 days)
  • The longest story self has written so far this year:  Ambition (32 pages)
  • The most self has ever spent on a subscription so far this year:  The New York Times Book Review (Paid $91 for a year’s subscription in December 2011)
  • The number of literary contests self has joined so far this year:  7
  • The fastest rejection self has ever received has been from:  Bluestem (on-line) Magazine:  12 hours
  • The number of times self joined the Willow Springs Fiction Contest (by mistake):  2
  • The nicest rejection self has received so far this year:  from The Paris Review
  • The snottiest rejection self has ever received was from:  failbetter.com
  • Number of pieces self has placed so far this year:  3
  • Number of novels self has read so far this year (including the one she is currently reading, Nicholson Baker’s The Mezzanine):  10
  • Most Fabulous Food Discovery of the Year:  caramel salt macarons, Pamplemousse Bakery, Redwood City
  • Best Investment so far this year:  MacBook Air
  • Happiest Day of 2012 So Far:  the day Jennie, son and self went to see the Jean Paul Gaultier exhibit in the de Young Museum in Golden Gate Park
  • Coldest place self has visited so far this year:  Dharamsala, India

Happiest monks self has ever seen were in the huge monasteries.  Happy, well fed, and at dinner time they would take over all the local restaurants.  She even saw one monk cradling in his arms a fabulous Akita.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Afternoon, May

There are times when self’s heart wants to stop, just wants to stop.  She is not always so peaceful.

She would love to die in her garden, surrounded by green grass and flowers.

Mums growing by the kitchen stairs: They’re really exploding this year.

Every year, the clematis henryii and the irises put forth vigorous blooms. Sometimes — but not this year — they bloom simultaneously.

This rabbit knows to keep away from the grass!

The climbing New Dawn has been covered in blooms since April.

Happiness is . . .  a garden in May, filled with blooming flowers.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Monday Morning: Edith Wharton, By Way of Jonathan Franzen

It is early on Monday morning, the next to the last Monday of May 2012.

Self has decided that she will stay home most of the day –  until, that is, her appointment with her dentist.

A tooth fell out on Friday –  can you imagine?  She wasn’t even chewing.

She’s making great inroads in her pile of stuff, though!  At least, the New Yorkers she’s reading now are only three months old!

In the New Yorker double issue of February 13 & 20, she finds an essay by Jonathan Franzen on the subject of Edith Wharton.  This is a matter of no small interest.  Last July, when self was cooling her heels in Bacolod, she had the House of Mirth with her.  Self doesn’t ever remember reading Wharton before (There are huge gaps in her knowledge:  For instance, it wasn’t until she was 25 and enrolled at Stanford University that she read Moby Dick)

Anyhoo, reading Wharton in Bacolod was an experience like no other (the way reading Saramago’s The Cave in December in Bacolod was like no other.  The way reading Tom McCarthy’s Remainder in March in Bacolod was like no other.  The way –  Eeeeek!  Self, get a grip!!)

Self had insomnia, Lily Bart in the House of Mirth had insomnia, it was the insomnia pity party all around! (In the meantime, there was the pretty laundry lady at L’Fisher Chalet who kept visiting self in her room every three days, to tell self she was so fat)

So, FINALLY, here we are at Jonathan Franzen’s essay.  The title of the essay is “A Rooting Interest:  Edith Wharton and the Problems of Sympathy.”

The purport of the article seems to be that Edith Wharton was a snob.  Not only that, she was a rich snob.  Here’s Franzen:

To be rich like Wharton may be what all of us secretly or not so secretly want, but privilege like hers isn’t easy to like; it puts her at a moral disadvantage.

Wharton lived in a “rich-person” precinct, indulged “her passion for gardens and interior decoration,” toured “Europe endlessly in hired yachts or chauffered cars,” and hobnobbed “with the powerful and the famous.” Her one irredeemable disadvantage was the fact that “she wasn’t pretty.”

So she settled down to 28 years of a sex-less marriage to Teddy Wharton.

Her only sexual relationship was with a “bisexual journalist and serial two-timer,” when she was “in her late forties.”

Enough, Mr. Franzen, enough!  Self thinks that none of these salient facts have anything to do with the way reading House of Mirth would reduce self to a pile of quivering jello, all the while she was imbibing Bacolod rum at the Negros Museum Café!  At the end of every day, self would imagine that she was Gillian Anderson, who played Lily Bart in the movie, wandering the back streets of Bacolod (standing in for New York:  self knows that is quite a stretch), heading for her demeaning job at a hat factory.

Self will proceed:

“In her forties,” Wharton “finally battled free of the deadness of her marriage and became a bestselling author; Teddy responded by spirallling into mental illness and embezzling a good part of her inheritance.”

Ugh.  Ugh.  Ugh.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Weekend Just Ended (May 19 & 20, 2012): The Bad and the Good

The Bad:

Self had three caramel salt macarons from Pamplemousse (Self just discovered that she’s been mis-spelling macaroons: there should only be one “o” — that is, if one goes with what’s on the Pamplemousse website) and as if that weren’t enough of an outrage, she finished the chocolate eclair she ostensibly bought for the husband, and then afterwards was so frustrated with the man’s herding her here and there around Courthouse Square (to no discernible purpose other than that he wanted to see self waddle, in blazing noonday sun), that she ordered nachos and cheese from one of those little kiosks to the side of the plaza.

The Good:

“The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” was a good movie.  It had been a while since self had seen a movie where there were no special effects (other than the one Bill Nighy performs every time:  transforming a tall, thin Englishman into an object of romantic yearning).  It had been a while since self had seen a movie with Judi Dench.  It had been an even longer while since self had seen a movie with Dev Patel.

The Bad:

There was no Benadryl in Costco this afternoon.  Benadryl is self’s # 1 sleep aid.  Aaaargh!  To compound the injury, while washing her face this evening, self reached under the sink, because she was under the impression that she had an additional bottle of Cetaphil stashed there. But she soon discovered that she was mistaken.

The Good:

Self joined another contest!  She suddenly feels very determined.  Even though it’s been an exceedingly long time since she’s won one of these.  And the list of contests she has joined without even ending up as a semi-finalist or Honorable Mention is rather embarrassingly long.

The Bad:

Self keeps worrying how Bella The Ancient One will do while she is in Scotland.  The Ancient One seems so happy to see self every morning.  The husband gets short-tempered when The Ancient One pees in the kitchen.  (Hub, the day will someday come when you will be walking around in a diaper.  Yes.  An honest-to-goodness diaper.  This is what happens to people, dogs, in fact to every creature in the universe, including you)

The Good:

Self is hugely enjoying the Nicholson Baker novel she began reading after she was done with Human SmokeThe Mezzanine.  Did you know, dear blog readers, that it is actually possible to fill 130 pages with a riff on a broken shoelace?  On occasion, Baker even provides footnotes, some as much as half a page long.  He is such an entertaining writer!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Today, Self Found Herself Sitting With an Audience of Mostly Seniors . . .

Sitting with an Audience of Mostly Seniors . . . in, of all places, the Redwood City Century 20, a bag of caramel salt macaroons from Pamplemousse resting tantalizingly on her lap (Like self’s other favorite place, L’Fisher Chalet in Bacolod, there are signs all over the theater entrance saying:  ABSOLUTELY NO OUTSIDE FOOD OR DRINK ALLOWED IN THE THEATERS!) —

Self knows, she knows:  she is a criminal!  A hardened criminal!  Because she’s been doing it ever since she discovered the caramel salt macaroons from Pamplemousse!  And today, to add insult to injury, she added a chocolate eclair!  (For some reason, self always ends up eating more when she is in the presence of the husband.  She knows he likes to see her FAT!  FAT!  FAT!  Fat and Ugly!  The fatter and uglier, the better!  So why, why, oh why –  never mind!  Self is not addressing this to Sigmund Freud!  All she knows is:  that’s the effect being with the husband has on her!)

Now, where was she?

Oh yes, the movie.  It was called “The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” and starred Bill Nighy (who self confesses to finding sooo wickedly charming) and Judi Dench (who matches Bill Nighy in charm, note for note:  BTW, has self ever mentioned to dear blog readers how much she loves Dame Judi’s dignified white-haired crop??)

It also starred that young guy self remembers from “Slumdog Millionaire,”  Dev Patel.  He looks exactly the same, but his performance was quite a bit more “performance” –  that is, there were times when he sounded as if he might be on Speed or something.

This is one thing she’s noticed about him:  In all his movies, he always gets the prettiest girls (Wait:  with one exception.  He didn’t manage to land anyone in The Last Airbender.  Thankfully, hardly anyone in America saw that movie)

If dear blog readers recall, in “Slumdog Millionaire” he won the heart of that shy young beauty played by Freida Pinto (who isn’t all that beautiful — not if you compare her to the women self encountered when she was in India, January/February this year)  There was one gorgeous young stunner in this movie, and of course she plays Dev’s girlfriend.

The movie was set in a crumbling old palace in Jaipur.

Jaipur!  Near Delhi???  Self was in the vicinity!  Oh be still, self’s beating heart!

Thankfully, no one in this movie mentioned wanting to see the Taj Mahal.

Anyhoo, it was a very sweet, heartwarming movie, and affirmed that yes indeed, young people of America, your grandparents are still capable of having sex lives.

Eeeek!

What kind of thing is that to take away from a movie featuring such world-class actors as Bill Nighy, Judi Dench, and Maggie Smith?

Suffice it to say, at the closing credits, the audience (and there were quite A LOT of people in the audience — most of them seniors, as self feels compelled to keep reminding dear blog readers) gave a heartwarming cheer and more than a few people began to clap.

Not self, though.  She liked the movie, but she wouldn’t be caught dead clapping along with a row of senior citizens!  Ixnay!  Never!  Horrors!

Well, self’s point is this:  Seniors (even British ones with perfect stiff-upper-lip demeanors, like the ones in this movie) are just like everyone else.  Why should we applaud just because they happen to be willful, romantic, and stubborn?  Perhaps they experience the normal gamut of feelings at a higher pitch (in fact, they probably do), but would anyone applaud at the end of a movie like, say, “The Five-Year Engagement,” just because Emily Blunt finally comes to her senses and –  STOP, SELF!  You are about to issue yet another spoiler!

Anyhoo, it was a very, very amusing movie (if a tad long-ish) and, as self mentioned earlier, she loves Bill Nighy.  He gets into a kind of love triangle of sorts with –  Self!  Stop right there!

Dear blog readers, go and see this movie.  India looks like a transformative place.  Ride a tuk-tuk.  Get a job in a call center.  Eat chapatis.  Be-friend Untouchables.  Join a club and pretend to be Princess Margaret.  Oh, the Brits in this movie get to have so many adventures!  You will be J with a capital J, after watching it!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

First Redwood City Farmers Market of 2012!

The Redwood City Farmers Market re-opened two or three weeks ago, but today was the first Saturday that self was actually able to make it over.

Joy!!!

The sun was shining, it was a warm day, and there was Julie, the Vietnamese lady, with her bags of oranges.

Self searched for cilantro, but since it was already close to noon, no cilantro was left.

It’s OK!  Self was just happy to be alive!  And at the Farmer’s Market!

And then self went home.  And, as it happened, the husband was avidly watching a European soccer match, Chelsea (England) against a German team (Munich?).  Chelsea won on a penalty kick, and afterwards the husband, who had consumed a whole bottle of wine, so worked up was he by the heroics of the Chelsea team, fell conveniently asleep, and self was able to revise a 32-page story before he woke up.

Well, actually, self finally had to prod him awake around 6 p.m., because she needed him to tell whether the fresh salmon she bought yesterday should be broiled or steamed.  Besides which, if she had let him sleep until 9 or 10 p.m., he’d have been up all night, and self reserves the night-time hours just for herself, and would be in a veeeery bad mood if he kept interrupting her.

You see how this marriage works, dear blog readers?  It has been engineered to provide self with the maximum amount of writing time, and so far self would consider it pretty successful, for she’s managed to complete four or five books, three of which are published.  And that’s despite the fact that she raised son almost single-handedly, for visits from her family were few and far between, and besides she had no maids.  And the husband was always working.  So self attended an inordinate amount of Mothers Club meetings (After all those years attending Mothers Club meetings, it really is too bad that self only managed to get one story out of them:  “Restraining Order,” which was published in the on-line journal of the Santa Fe Writers Project), and one year she felt so intrepid that she actually volunteered to be Field Trip Mom.  This was a lot of fun, until one stressful day when the third grade boys all decided to go bananas in the public toilet of a museum, and self had to scream at them, but nobody listened until Mrs. Stevens came storming in and yelled, in a voice 5x louder than self’s:  THAT’S ENOUGH!  ALL OF YOU, GET OUT!

The next week, self submitted her resignation as Field Trip Mom.

And now, self has wandered away from the ostensible subject of this post, and it takes her a minute or two to remember . . . oh yes!  The 32-page story!

Because, nowadays, everyone wants you to submit on-line, she sent the 32-page story out immediately, to about three different magazines.

Oh what an efficient woman is self!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

News From the Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco (Summer 2012)

Every so often, self gets something in the mail from the Fine Arts Museums of San Francisco.  She became a member three years ago, because John E. Buchanan, Jr. had so much energy and vision that he programmed one great exhibit after another.  Self remembers, from last year, the Olmec exhibit (It was amazing just trying to imagine how workmen managed to get those gigantic stone heads into a ship/ out of a ship/ on a truck/ set in place in the de Young, etc etc etc), the Birth of Impressionism exhibit, the Picasso Exhibit, the Dutch Seascapes exhibit, the Masters of Venice Renaissance exhibit, the Balenciaga exhibit, and, most recently, the Fashion of Jean Paul Gaultier Exhibit which, if you happen to live in the San Francisco Bay Area and haven’t seen it yet means — Well, what are you waiting for???  Run!  Don’t walk! –  you are missing out on a fabulous costume and fashion extravaganza.  It’s there most of the summer (closes on August 19)

The utter fabulousness of Jean Paul Gaultier, now through August 19 at the de Young Museum in Golden Gate Park

Here’s the thing:  John Buchanan was appointed Museum Director five or six years ago.  Intuitively he guessed that, because of the recession, fewer Americans would be traveling.  In which case, wouldn’t they be glad to have the opportunity to see great European/Asian/Mexican/African/South American art, if these were available for viewing in the local San Francisco museums?  Indeed they would!

The result was one blockbuster exhibit after another, and self remembers reading somewhere that museum membership, under his leadership, tripled or quadrupled.

John E. Buchanan sadly passed away in December (Self grieved very much at the news), but fortunately there are more great exhibits in the pipeline, such as:

Sacred Images and Chiefly Works from Central Polynesia
through August 30 (at the de Young)

Rudolf Nureyev: A Life in Dance
opens October 6 (at the de Young)

Man Ray/ Lee Miller: Partners in Surrealism
July 14 – October 14 (at the Legion of Honor)

René Bouché:  Letters From Post-War Paris
July 14 – October 14 (at the Legion of Honor)

Marcel Duchamp: The Book and the Box
June 23 – November 11, 2012 (at the Legion of Honor)

Girl with a Pearl Earring:  Dutch Paintings from the Mauritshuis
opens January 26, 2013 (at the de Young)

Rembrandt’s Century
opens January 26, 2013 (at the de Young)

Gifts from the Gods: Art and the Olympic Ideal
July 28 – January 27 (at the Legion of Honor)

Self loved, loved, loved the Jean-Paul Gaultier exhibit at the de Young. It’s still there. Run, don’t walk, dear blog readers.

On self’s birthday * JULY 14 * (Bastille Day in Paris), museum members have a VIP Reception and Par-TAY called “Paris is Burning:  ArtPoint Bastille Day Party” !!!  Runs to midnight.  Where is self’s Amy Winehouse wig?  Now, self thinks, would be a very good time to try it on . . .

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Talked to Margarita, Happy Happy Joy Joy

Margarita Donnelly, founder of Calyx — nothing in the world sounds as good as hearing her laugh.  Self called her today, and found out that the memoir self and others have been urging Margarita to write, for years and years, has just gotten a tremendous boost by the discovery –  of course in an attic, probably even a mice-infested attic (Now why, self, would you think about mice just because you keyed in the word “attic” a few moments ago, and now where do you think you are going with this you started out writing about Margarita, remember???)

Oh yes, the memoir in the attic, very yellowed, nibbled at the edges, turns out to be about Margarita’s memories of her mother, who died too young.  And now an agent is interested in helping Margarita get her memoir published, and there is no doubt at all in self’s mind that Margarita’s memoir will be an instant feminist classic!

And then self found out that Margarita has a plan to go to Venice early next year, and before self had fully realized what she was doing she found herself blurting out:  “Venice is great!  Can I join you?”

And Margarita said, “Of course you can join me!”

And now self has to figure out how to break the news to the husband, but as usual self gets ahead of herself, Margarita might just have been thinking aloud.

So, hmmm, what else was important about this week?

Marc who cuts her hair was wondering aloud if he should invest in Facebook shares.  Until that moment, self had never thought of Marc as the investing type.  Shows you how easy it is to misconstrue people!  Just because a guy is 30 years old, good-looking, and works in a beauty salon does not mean he can’t be interested in Facebook!  Especially Facebook shares!

Yesterday, Tiffany, the woman who’s been applying this wonderful gel-like nail polish on self’s hands and feet for months, suddenly up and asked self if it was true that the Philippines was the best place to get sex change operations.  Picture this:  dear blog readers.  It was 2 p.m., on a warm day in Redwood City, California.  The sun was shining.  All sorts of people were passing by the nail salon:  teen-agers, women in yoga attire (There is a yoga studio right next door, in the Andrew Building –  self kids you not, the name of the building is on a sign, that’s how self knows the building has the same name as her son), business people out on lunch break, even firemen (There is a fire station nearby).  And suddenly, this gorgeous young woman who self has known for several years decides the time has come to ask self about –  sex change operations in the Philippines ???

“Hmmm,” self replied.  “I don’t know much about sex change operations in the Philippines, but I do know you can have plastic surgery for something like $3,000 US.”

“Really?” Tiffany exclaimed.  “How much does plastic surgery cost here?”

And self, really reaching now, said “$10,000 US!” (which is probably way off the mark, self’s never been interested in this particular form of surgery)

But OK, she can pretend to be an expert, for Tiffany’s benefit, that is.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

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