Dear blog readers, self accidentally threw the paper where she wrote all her quotes from Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 1, but take her word for it, it was bloodcurdling, it was vicious, Ygritte was scrawnier than self remembered her being (and rightfully so, as Jon Snow ditched her apparently), there’s a tribe on the hunt and they eat people, and The Hound was just GLO-RI-OUS! Simply GLOR-RI-OUS!
Holy Cow, there he was bargaining with a short runt of a man over some chickens. The man asked The Hound if he had any money. Whereupon commenced the most glorious television dialogue EVER:
Hound: Not a penny. I’ll still take a chicken.
And it went on and on and on. Somehow, it ended up being all about chickens. One chicken, two chickens, heck, The Hound said he might as well have all of the available chickens.
To which the runt of course took exception.
Which resulted in a wild melee with The Hound slaying all, with a wee bit of help from Arya (Self was screaming from the beginning of the brawl: GO AHEAD, ARYA! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR! PLEASE DON’T JUST STAND THERE WATCHING THE HOUND ACCUMULATE MORE DISFIGURING FACIAL SCARS!)
She, it turns out, has a unique method of dispatching her victims. She takes a sword, and gently pokes, as if debating, and then she — pushes the sword home, but OH. SO. SLOWLY. Which makes the deed appear three times as brutal. Take self’s word for it. Arya sticking The Needle into the throat of the runt is an act so intimately personal it might as well be up there in self’s list of Ten Most Horrible Murders of All Time. Yes. Worse even than Hannibal Lecter chomping on a nurse’s eyeball.
Jaime Lannister has, inexplicably, decided to go short. Why why why? He looked so devilish and dirty with the long locks.
The guy who plays Joffrey — Jack Gleeson, self had to look it up — is so impeccably petulant and EVIL.
Natalie Dormer (Margaery Tyrell) has self’s second most favorite line of the night, something about hanging a necklace of dead sparrows around her neck.
Brienne puts in an appearance. Alas, she and Ser Jaime are back to the platonic.
Where is Gendry? Hope he surfaces soon!
Oh, the dragons got big! And Daario is played by a completely different actor. The old Daario was blonde. This one is dark-haired (and also a lot more craggy-faced)
Khaleesi’s slave girl/companion/translator is still the second most beautiful woman in the series.
Self has yet to see another of her favorite characters: Yara Greyjoy. Who, at the end of last season, swore to take fifty of her best killers and sail up the narrow river to take her baby brother home.
Stay tuned, dear blog readers. Stay tuned.