Mysteries, or: Why Is Self Always So Confused?

Self cannot for the life of her figure out why The Man comes home with bushels of corn, pots of tomato plants, fresh tomatoes, oranges etc etc, week after week.  Someone in his office plies him with the produce.  Last night, self was just congratulating herself on finally having consumed the last two pieces of corn from Anonymous Donor, when The Man walked in the door with –  a whole armful of new ears of corn.  Whoever this person is, we must write a thank-you note.  Or send a box of Godivas.  The Man says everyone in his office gets provided with produce by this generous farmer/tech worker.  So now this is the way self imagines The Man’s office:  big glass building, industrial park in East Bay, farmer/tech worker, drives to work in a pick-up laden with produce, hands them out.  Self had a long career working (first as a program administrator, then as a part-time teacher) and not once in all that time did any office colleague approach this level of generosity.  No corn, no tomato plants, no oranges, no giant Harry & David pears.  Nothing.  Funny, but we’ve attended two office parties now, and on both occasions self and The Man have sat in splendid isolation with people The Man doesn’t know.  Except for one sort of plump, lively girl who kept asking The Man to snap her picture.  Self does remember her because she was extremely, extremely giggly.  Is Giggly Girl the Farmer?

Is self going to be able to enjoy watching James Franco and Seth Rogen’s movie “This is the End” (Eric D. Snider rating:  B) or is she simply too old to sit through a movie that’s “a bawdy, marijuana-scented inside joke about the Apocalypse”?

How does one Tweet?  She has currently six followers.

When she backed her car out of the driveway yesterday, both the brake light and the oil change indicator on her Dashboard lit up.  Does this mean her car is finally going to give up the ghost?  She offered it to Sole Fruit of Her Loins for the summer, as he has a job in Menlo Park.  If her car did indeed give up the ghost, how will son get to work?  More important, how will self be able to do anything?  Won’t this mean having to get a new car?  No, two new cars, one for son and one for herself?  Who can afford buying two new cars simultaneously?  Possibly The Man?  Can she even broach the subject with him?

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

A Review of Books About Insomnia (The New Yorker, 11 March 2013)

Since it is a very long time until the next season of Game of Thrones, self has been watching Season 2.  Believe it or not, she has gotten into such a rhythm with watching this show (The Man wants to know why self is so obssessed.  Channeling Ygritte, self tells him:  “You know nuthin’, The Man!” In other words, he better keep his trap shut if he doesn’t want to get plugged with so many arrows he ends up looking like a hedgehog, which was the sight presented by Jon Snow when he dazedly arrived at Castle Black in the final episode of Season 3!)

Anyhoo, it seems she can’t get to sleep at night unless she watches one episode, just before bedtime.  Last night, The Man (who is a Great Tease), played two back-to-back episodes for self, and this was a little bit too much, as then self found that instead of falling asleep at midnight, she was very jacked up.

But, enough with the digressions!  While plowing through her once-again-humongous Pile of Stuff today, Friday, self happened to come across an essay called “Up All Night:  The Science of Sleeplessness,” in The New Yorker of 11 March 2013.  She read the article straight through, from beginning to end, with only one break:  to go to the Redwood City Library and pick up a copy of Hilary Mantel’s Wolf Hall (It’s self’s first Hilary Mantel.  Isn’t that crrrrazy???)

One of the books reviewed, The Slumbering Masses, written by a UC Santa Cruz anthropology professor named Matthew J. Wolf-Meyer (What a fabulous name for a professor!), has this to say about our modern pattern of sleep:

Until a century and a half or so ago, Wolf-Meyer observes, “Americans, like other people around the world, used to sleep in an unconsolidated fashion, that is, in two or more periods throughout the day.”  They went to bed not long after the sun went down.  Four or five hours later, they woke from their “first sleep” and rattled around –  praying, chatting, smoking, or making love.  (Benjamin Franklin reportedly liked to spend this time reading naked in a chair).  Eventually, they went back to their “second sleep.”

As for self, she fell into the habit of wakefulness when she became a mother.  So that she would not waste a single minute of the nocturnal hours, she would read next to son’s crib.  When he woke, she would wake, and then read some more.  In this way, self managed to read many, many, many books, all the while son was an infant, and years and years beyond, up to today.

The Man is exactly the opposite:  he falls asleep instantaneously, and sleeps 10 hours at a stretch.  One minute he’s awake, the next –  Bang! –  he’s asleep.  Then he starts to snore.  Loud.  And this makes self so frustratingly envious that she is tempted to pinch The Man’s nose.  But she restrains herself.  She is not the type of person who pinches sleeping people’s noses.  Of course not!

She read somewhere that people who have insomnia live much shorter lifespans than other people.  Which means –  hello!  There is absolutely no time to waste, self!  Get cracking and finish your book!

Another book mentioned in the essay is Internal Time:  Chronotypes, Social Jet Lag, and Why You’re So Tired, by Till Roenneberg, of the Ludwig Maximilian University of Munich (Again, what a name.  Self can go years at a stretch without encountering one single outstandingly fabulous name, and suddenly, in one essay, she encounters two).  Here the professor categorizes people according to sleep habits.  Some people are larks, which means they are indefatigable early risers.  And other people are owls, which means they stay up all night.  According to the author of the essay, Elizabeth Kolbert (which has self wondering if it’s pronounced like Stephen Colbert’s name, but once again she digresses), “Teen-agers are owls, which is why high schools are filled with students who look (and act) like zombies.”  Self wonders how teen-agers graduate from being owls to being normal?  Or do some people stay owls for the rest of their lives?

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge: Fleeting

Day Before Mother’s Day. A package in the mailbox. Return Address: Southern California. Contents: Fabulousness

Arrived in the Mail, the Day Before Mother's Day 2013

Arrived in the Mail, the Day Before Mother’s Day 2013

Yummm!

Thanks much, Sole Fruit of Her Loins!

Ate the entire box in just two days.

Here are more Yumm Moments:

Café Uma, Bacolod City:  The cassava cake is to die for!

Café Uma, Bacolod City: The cassava cake is to die for!

Stay tuned.

WordPress Weekly Photo Challenge: The Sign Says 4

Dad's home province in Negros Occidental is filled with sugar haciendas.  Naturally, when self goes, she brings back sweets.

Dear Departed Dad’s home province in Negros Occidental is known for its sugar haciendas.  Naturally, when self goes, she brings back sweets.

Muscovado is raw, minimally processed (unrefined) brown sugar.  In the last few years, self has been seeing this brand (MASCO ROCKS) in most Philippine stores and supermarkets.  The sugar is in irregularly shaped lumps, hence the word “Rocks” on the label (much prettier than cubes, if you ask self).  And how adorable is that shape for the bottle, like it’s trying to do an Elvis impression?  Rock on, Musco!  Rock on!

Stay tuned.

Anticipatory: Sunday Night, Game of Thrones Viewing Par-tay!

Tomorrow is Game of Thrones‘ Season 3 penultimate episode.  In an exact replay of what happened in Chino when self and The Man drove down for Son’s graduation ceremony at Claremont, two weeks ago, self issued this dire warning to all in the immediate vicinity (and that includes The Ancient One):  “I will not –  repeat NOT — be able to do anything Sunday night, starting 9 p.m.  Have to watch Game of Thrones.”

This morning, son said casually, “Finnessy likes Game of Thrones, too!”

Oh yeah?  What a surprise!  Honestly, self never imagined another person liked Game of Thrones as much as she!

“So, he’s gonna come over and watch it here.”

For reals?  Oh, sure, Sole Fruit of Her Loins!  As Finnessy is a musician, he may be able to add a certain je ne se quois to the viewing!

“And Kevin might come, too!  So could we have some barbecue?”

!!!

“Sure,” self said, perky as all get-out.  “I’ll just start marinating some chicken thighs . . . “

So, this is why self is so, so busy this evening, assembling:

  • rib-eye steaks
  • her famous steak marinade (has 15+ ingredients and the only way to blend them together is to put in a BLENDER, Duh!)
  • chicken thighs (need to marinate)
  • fresh corn (stripping and cleaning)
  • a humongous pot of rice

Also, The Man bought Corona beer, a case of Coke . . .

Everything must be pre-assembled because — no way can self be preparing anything between 9 and 10 p.m. tomorrow.  No, make that:  8 p.m. to 10 p.m. tomorrow.  Just to make double sure she is not distracted or tired or what-have-you.  Her full attention must be focused on the screen!

Yours truly in anticipation,

Self.

John Updike By Way of NYTBR 12 May 2013

“America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy.”  –  John Updike

Self pondered this.  She felt like adding, Yeah, spoken like a man with money.  Spoken like a man with a job.

But then she remembered:  This is America!  You don’t need money!  You just need a credit card!  And if you go broke, you can just declare bankruptcy, and then rise, Phoenix-like, from the flames!

She had uncles and aunts who did this all the time.  Repossessed Jaguars and Mercedes Benzes were all over their credit records.  But that never seemed to stop them from getting loans for new Jaguars, new Benzes.

She’ll never forget the saleswoman in the glass store in The Venetian (Las Vegas).  Browsing, self saw the most fabulous amber-colored drop earrings.  She didn’t have enough cash, so she asked the saleswoman, “Do you take Discover?”

“Honey,” the woman said.  “This is Las Vegas.  We take American Express, Mastercard, Visa, Discover, Diner’s Club, check, post-dated check, you name it!”

Sold!

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

Last Day of May (2013)

Where does the time go?

Today just flew by!

Self found a copy of Sole Fruit of Her Loin’s birth certificate.

She spent the afternoon in the company of son:

  • We saw a movie together in Palo Alto Square (Sarah Polley’s absorbing documentary about her parents’ relationship:  Three out of four stars)
  • We walked along the strangely sparse corridors of Fry’s Electronics, and gazed upon a low, brick building advertising itself as GROUPON offices.
  • We walked along California Avenue and self showed son one of her discoveries, Spice Kit, right across the street from erstwhile favorite The Counter.

It was the second incredibly hot day of the year.  Self ran her car’s air conditioner at full blast (Thank goodness she had it fixed last year!) and listened to an old Mariah Carey CD.

She stopped by the Palo Alto Baking Company and bought two cream puffs (The Man’s favorite).

As soon as she got home, she watered and watered.  Then she made dinner:  broiled baby back pork spare ribs.

Now, time to rest.

Looking at the backyard at the end of a sweltering day . . .

Early Evening

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

GAME OF THRONES Quotes (You’re Welcome)

Self has undertaken to watch the whole of Game of Thrones Season 3 over again.  This, as dear blog readers well know, is an extremely rewarding activity, especially as she needs to be reminded how it all began:  the Brienne/ Jaime Lannister trek (Highlight of Season 3, in self’s HO), how Catelyn Stark became her son’s prisoner, how Daenarys acquired an army of 8,000 Unsullied, why Lord Tywin loves to cast aspersions on Tyrion, how Arya came to be traveling with Gendry and Hot Pie, and so forth.

Yesterday The Man came home and self inquired if he wanted to watch Episode 7, which he missed.  Sure! he said.  That, for dear blog readers who know nothing (like Jon Snow, channeling Ygritte), is called “The Bear and the Maiden Fair.”  So we sat and watched it together, and self got to see Stumpy for the first time since the Maester Who Is No Maester, Qyburn (She quite loves that gruesome scar around his neck) poured boiling wine over it.  And Stumpy looks just like the Giant Worm in Tremors, which is a very very old horror movie.  And you know it’s old because it’s the last time Kevin Bacon was funny.  Truly.

Anyhoo, The Man remarked, nosy as ever:  Wow, you’ve been watching a LOT of Game of Thrones? (And who asked him to comment, pray tell?  Who asked him to go through all the “Saved Searches” on the Comcast On-Demand channel?)

Last weekend, self was so excited to discover that Sole Fruit of Her Loins had read all the books.

Anyhoo, the first Game of Thrones quote self will post today is actually NOT a quote from Game of Thrones, it’s a quote from Son.  Without further ado, GOT Quote # 1:

Put those claws back in those paws, You Damn Bear!

Self promised son she would put that on her blog.  And now that she’s done it, she has such a sense of accomplishment!

GOT Quote # 2:

Lady Olenna Tyrell (a fabulous Diana Rigg):  The cheese will be served when I WANT it to be served, and I want it served NOW!

GOT Quote # 3:

Margaery to Joffrey, in the most intimate tete-a-tete imaginable, in Joffrey’s bedchamber, holding his favorite weapon:  I imagine it must be so exciting to put your hand over here and watch something die over there.

And since The Man will be home imminently to share with self the latest tale of horrors from the office, Arrivederci.

Weekly WordPress Photo Challenge: Escape 3

This weekly WordPress Challenge is turning into something of an addiction — !

DSCN0132

Self spent the weekend in Claremont to attend the graduation ceremony of Sole Fruit of Her Loins.

She was fascinated by the graduates’ shoes, peeking out from beneath togas.  The footwear ranged from Converse sneakers to extremely high-heeled stilettos and to colorful pumps, like the ones pictured above.

Stay tuned.

Graduation Day, Claremont Graduate University

The lawn in front of the Psychology Building

The lawn in front of the Psychology Building

One of the speakers was a woman born and raised in Scotland, who funded a fellowship called “Believe and Dream.”  She was hilarious.  She had always wanted to get to America, she said, since Scottish boys were none too handsome.  Now she lives in Paris.  She quoted Anatole France and said she loved his wit.

The Table for Goodie Bags (Handed Out to Each Graduate)

The Table for Goodie Bags (Handed Out to Each Graduate)

It was chilly in the shade, but hot in the sun.

The reception included a "Candy Bar"!  These cookies were absolutely scrumptious!

The reception included a “Candy Bar”! These cookies were absolutely scrumptious!

More of that Fabulous Candy Bar --  Self wishes more schools borrowed this idea!

More of that Fabulous Candy Bar — Self wishes more schools borrowed this idea!

Now self, full to bursting with cookies, champagne, a tremendous lunch, and happiness, will rest for a few hours before meeting up again with son to watch the new “Star Trek” movie.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers.  Stay tuned.

 

 

 

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