Good Dog, Gracie!

It’s the day before you have to leave for the Mendocino Coast Writers Conference. Office is a mess of papers, books, and clothes. You’re on the phone to your host, DR, who’s giving you directions: “Turn on Little Lake Street; make sure you’re heading towards the coast; a little white house; right across the street from the Mendocino . . . “

Gracie starts yelping and whining. You opine that the li’l crit must sense your imminent departure. But whining reaches fever pitch and it’s driving you bananas. “OOOFFFF!” you yell, the minute you get off the phone. But– hold on! You recall that the last time Gracie set up this much fuss, you followed her to the backyard and saw her proudly prancing around a mouse carcass bitten in two, minus the head.

This time, you go to the living room and — wherefrom that drift of wind, wafting invitingly across your cheeks? When living room’s windows are all shut tight, per hubby’s explicit instructions? But — NOOOO! Front door is invitingly open. And you are at first stunned and then deeply chagrined, because you know for a fact that Bella, the other beagle, has walked right through that inviting space, and is now lost to yourself and hubby, forevermore. Worse, you know that you will now have to forego packing, planning, resting etc etc in favor of calling the neighbors, walking up and down the streets yelling Bella’s name (much good that’ll do, since the li’l crit long ago became stone deaf) and driving to all the nearby pounds.

But Gracie, who sometimes drives you crazy (like this morning, when she set up whimpering at 6 a.m., when you felt as though you had just fallen asleep like, maybe, forty winks before), is leaping around like a crazy animal, and though you, standing there in stunned befuddlement, take many unforgivably long moments to be roused to your senses, you finally get the idea and fasten Gracie’s leash and, quicker than you can say “Peter Piper picked a pot of pickled pepper,” she’s pulling you out the door, pulling, pulling, pulling. She stops once or twice, distracted by a bird, a stray cat. But after a few moments she pulls forward again, and always in the same direction. Then she stops dead.

You look up the street. You look down the street. You yell at the top of your lungs (anguished yells, ala Marlon Brando in “A Streetcar Named Desire”) “Bellaaaaa!” And then, suddenly, you see Bella. In a neighbor’s front garden, behind a gate. No neighbor in sight, so who knows how Bella was able to walk in. You push the gate latch, and it swings open without resistance. And that pesky Bella is more interested in smelling the flowers than coming to you, and you have to go chasing her with the leash, and let me just tell you, dear blog reader, that it is quite a job to leash a dog who is trying like might and main to get away, while the other one is prancing about like a dervish. But finally you manage to get the leashes on and straightened out (Still no neighbor– thank God!) and you walk both dogs home.

Now, quite exhausted, you need to take a few moments to collect your thoughts. Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

Blissful (June 08) Saturday

Ahhh, what bliss: it is Saturday.

And even though self woke up with an extreme crick in her neck, she is ready with a post on her various activities yesterday:

  • Self bought the most gorgeous doggie bed in the world. From Costco. For $21.99
  • After a morning spent writing and reading and doing errands, self fell asleep on the couch. Had nightmare. Something involving knives. Woke up, none the worse for wear.
  • Self used left-over roast chicken to make a salad with baby spinach, sliced red onions, sliced almonds, sliced tomatoes (from Costco, salmonella-free), and shavings of Asiago cheese: dee-lish!
  • Self called Dearest Mum in Las Vegas, to wish her luck before her concert tonight (in a friend’s house). Dearest Mum all happiness: only 25 people had been invited (as friend’s townhouse quite snug), but, apparently twice that number are coming. Dearest Mum’s friend is having a heart attack, but Dearest Mum herself is unperturbed, says guests will only be too happy to sit on the floor, on the stairs.
  • Self watched (after hubby came home) “The Hunt for Red October” and was struck by the young Alec Baldwin’s good looks and also surprisingly good acting ability, Scott Glenn’s inimitable intensity, and the patience of the script, which took its time instead of jumping from one action scene to the next. Also, self wondered how Tom Clancy could know so much about nuclear subs: it has to be all research, but the story has plot and character. All hail, Tom Clancy!
  • Then, in the middle of the very exciting movie, self fell asleep once again (Boy, the week must have really tired her out). When she awoke (around 11:30), the first thing she did was grab the remote and switch to the Sci-Fi station but — alas! — showing was “Doctor Who”, and self gnashed her teeth at the thought that, for the second week in a row, she had missed “Battlestar Galactica.”

Tonight, dinner in the city followed by concert at Davies. Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

Ode to Summer II & A Poem by Jim Morrison

Oh Saturday, what a gorgeous day you turned out to be (although this morning was so cold, self nearly froze while walking around the Redwood City Farmers Market, because she forgot to bring her jacket)

How self adores the apricots and cherries she saw at the market, just bursting with sweetness.

Oh beagles, how self adores your barking friendliness, your wayward tangle of leashes, your swaybacked walks, and even the way your tongues hang out, the closer we get to home.

Oh Stafford Park, this afternoon you are full of children and birthday parties, laughter and noise, and you remind self of the times when she celebrated son’s birthday here, and of all the memories the one that stands out is his sixth, because that was when self outdid herself by ordering a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cake from Goldilocks, and when she took it out of the box, all son’s classmates went “Ooooh” at the sight of the three buildings made out of hard candy, tiny Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles clambering down their sides.

Oh hubby, who refuses self’s invitation to take a stroll along Laurel Street (where self secretly hopes to stop by Chocolate Mousse and buy some slices of carrot cake) and all because Jason Bourne is on flat screen HDTV, and it’s coming close to the scene where Matt Damon and Franka Potente encounter punk-haired assassin in Bourne’s Paris apartment, and Matt achieves maximum lethal effect with a letter opener.

Now, both dogs are sprawled on hardwood floor, tongues hanging out. Breeze wafts through orange tree, laden with fruit. Student papers sit next to self’s laptop. The top one is a paper about a poem Jim Morrison wrote when he was in high school, “Horse Latitudes.” Self’s curiosity is aroused. She picks up the paper and reads:

“Horse Latitudes”

A poem by Jim Morrison

When the still sea conspires an armor

And her sullen and aborted

Currents breed tiny monsters

True sailing is dead

Awkward instant

And the first animal is jettisoned

Legs furiously pumping

Their stiff green gallop

And heads bob up

Poise

Delicate

Pause

Consent

In mute nostril agony

Carefully refined

And sealed over

Hmm, self thinks: Not bad. Not bad at all.

The Future Is Here, and a Creature Sighting

It is a gorgeous day but it started out chilly and you sat in the living room reading the San Francisco Chronicle (an article about Navigenics, a Redwood City company that is directed at consumer DNA testing) and you thought: The future is here.

But apparently no one believed you, because no one looked at the post, and so you decided to go outside and see what was up in the backyard, see which plants were blooming and what-not, and you believe you saw the same squirrel you saw early this morning, stretched full length, its back legs on a branch, its front legs grasping the (supposedly squirrel-proof) bird feeder. The squirrel grabs mouthfuls of seed, and now you recall that the bird feeder is supposed to drop, closing its feeding spouts, whenever anything as weighty as a squirrel tries to jump on its little perches, but the squirrel just keeps grabbing mouthfuls of seed, and Gracie (who metamorphosed into an almost unrecognizably obese and slothful creature while self was in Tel Aviv) is not inclined to go outside, and finally you get very annoyed after watching the squirrel for about 10 minutes, and you shout something at the top of your lungs, and you go outside with your laptop, and you decide that what you really need to do is write more.

(Time passes)

In the afternoon, around 3 p.m., you began to feel an ineffable craving for a Keanu Reeves movie and/ or a coconut cream pie and, figuring that the Keanu Reeves movie would be cheaper (and probably better for your figure) than the pie, you wended your way to decrepit old cinema off Bayshore, there to discover that the 3:25 show had Spanish subtitles, which you found to be a terrible distraction, since the movie is practically one long F— you! rant, and so you decided to return at a later time, and now the problem was where would you find the best, the most delicious coconut cream pie on the Peninsula?

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

Oh, the Twists and Turns of Fate

This morning, self read in her Barbara Mann book about something called “The Historical Museum of Tel Aviv - Jaffa.” After looking it up on the web, self found that it was on the exact same street as the Rubin Museum. And since self has already aced taking the No. 4 bus — which has a stop just one block from this apartment — self decided to chance going there (putting off for the time being all thoughts of checking out hotel in Old Jaffa– self has now decided that the only attitude she should adopt in her present circumstances is: Que sera, sera).

So, self set off bright and early, and she did get to Bialik Street, and she again traversed the narrow edge of the sidewalk that had not been dug up by all the construction, and she arrived at said building, and it was very old and dilapidated, and there was a sign on a wall next to it, but as the sign was in Hebrew self knew not what the sign said. Instead, she marched smartly up the steps and put a hand on the door handle, and found that the door was locked. Since the door was made of glass, self peered inside and saw a circular hallway with old photographs and musty-looking memorabilia. In fact, hallway reminded self very much of her grandfather’s house on Burgos Street in Bacolod City, a house self had known all her life as “The Big House.” Anyhoo, self also noticed that there was a buzzer, and this she contrived to ring — twice. But no butler or receptionist appeared. So self had to make her way back out to the dusty street. And she had to walk forlornly to the bus stop (stopping first at a shoe store and then at a store selling kitchen gadgetry, where she was very much tempted to buy silicon potholders in the shape of rhinoceri — self thinks that is the correct way to pluralize “rhinocerus,” though it sounds strange — but these were going for 40 shekels each, which self computed as something like US$ 11.50 each. Never mind). And then she went home for a quick lunch before heading to the hospital to see Ying.

And, as it turned out, Mila the caregiver was also at home having a quick lunch, and self smelled her frying something delicious. But since self had been admonished by Dear Bro to remember at all times that Mila is not there to serve anyone except Ying (as if self, after all these years of living in the States, would ever dream of asking someone to serve her), self heated up a little slice of quiche in the toaster oven.

And then self set off for the hospital. Since self knows that she is in poor physical shape and cannot take the humongous walks that she tried her first two days here, and since she doesn’t want to use up her cash on cab rides, she decides to take the bus. Eureka! Her brother tells her there are these little mini-vans wandering around the city, and each follow a different coded route: orange, yellow, etc. And he says they are much cheaper than cabs. And why he only felt moved to divulge this information today is completely beyond self. But she did find one of those things and she arrived at the hospital quickly and all she had to do was pay 5 shekels.

And self expected to find a very haggard-looking Ying, because everytime Dear Bro returns from the hospital he looks on the edge of collapse, and the little boy is teary-eyed, and Mila sounds depressed. But to self’s extreme bewilderment, Ying is sitting up in her bed, very bright-eyed, and greets self with a warm smile when self walks into the room.

@@!!$####

“Aren’t you sick?” self blurts out.

“Well, it comes and goes,” Ying says.

And then we partake in the two-hour gabfest to end all gabfests.

Ying confides in self that she is jealous of the closeness between Dear Bro and self’s nephew. Self assures Ying that from, all self has observed, nephew is indeed very very attached to Ying.

“No,” Ying says. “I meant: I am jealous of the way my husband is so affectionate with our son. He never hugs or kisses me anymore.”

(Self resolves to smack Dear Bro at the first opportunity. Here is a woman with no hair and fragile physique, and Dear Bro is still playing this ridiculous game of transference or what-have-you)

Self says smartly, “Oh, it’s a thing with Filipino men. They can never show you how much they love you. Physically, that is. But, just think: every time YH hugs F, he is showing you that he really wants to hug you.” Which self knows sounds absolutely ridiculous, dear blog readers, but is absolutely true. Self knows from long experience. Because hubby is exactly the same way.

So Ying gives self a big smile. And then she asks self if self would like to see pictures of Ying’s baby girl, Anita. And self is all agog, and Ying opens her laptop, and there self sees the cutest, most precious little girl that one could ever imagine: a girl with fair, fair skin and even fairer hair, and the cutest pointed chin. Self says, “She looks just like you!”

And Ying says, “You think so? But she has YH’s nose and cheeks and lips!”

And self looks again, closely, and realizes that this is so.

And then Ying shows self pictures of her new dog, Tiger, a mini-Dachshund. And self sees as well pictures of Ying’s other dog, her beagle Burmie. And self and Ying exchange beagle stories. And agree vehemently that beagles are not too bright. But she and self both waxed ecstatic over a beagle’s winning the latest Westminster Dog Show.

And then Ying removes her stylish scarf (turns out Dearest Mum has presented Ying with a whole array of these stylish scarves), and self sees that there is a very soft fuzz covering Ying’s entire head. Actually, self tells Ying, “You look very good with no hair. It’s like an early Sinead O’Connor look. Or a Natalie Portman look from ‘V is for Vendetta.’ “

Ying says she misses having long hair. At this point, Mila comes in. And since Mila has very fashionable hair — short, with spiky ends — self tells Ying that she should get a haircut like Mila’s. When her hair grows in, that is.

Two nurses drop by to say hello, and they are both young and friendly and tell Ying she looks beautiful (which she does, even with no hair).

And, before self knows it, two hours have passed by. And self tells Ying she will stop by again, perhaps as soon as tonight. But there’s a concert she wants to catch. At the Felicja Blumental Music Center on 26 Bialik Street (which is quickly becoming self’s hangout of choice in Tel Aviv).

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life III: Spitzer, Drinking Water, CBS Weather Woman and Other Mysteries

First things first: self really needs to get this one off her chest. You of the 866 area code who calls self’s home at least five times a day, you might as well give it up because self is never, ever going to pick up the phone, OK? Got that?

Last night, after walking the dogs, hubby walks in the door shaking his head and declares Bella (our older dog) showing signs of “senility.” What? He didn’t notice? She is absolutely supine 22 of 24 hours in the day. The only time she moves is when she smells something cooking in the kitchen, and then she licks the entire kitchen floor. Today, self was bringing her to the groomer, and she began shaking like a leaf! This does not bode well, dear blog readers.

Then, this Spitzer guy. There was a time when he was hailed as the White Knight of Wall Street — the guy who put teeth into the SEC and went after crooked Wall Street investment bankers, thereby restoring the public’s trust in the honesty of our banks, our officials, and our government. Then, early this morning, self saw news item on the web that he had been mixed up with a prostitution ring. Though this was clearly odd, self did not have much time to mull over it. But, on the way to pick up the dogs from the groomer, self heard on the radio that Spitzer had been caught on tape, soliciting a prostitute in Washington, DC. By the time she arrived home, Spitzer was already on-air, issuing his apologies. And, five minutes after that, self heard a report that he had not been the actual target of the investigation. The Feds had been investigating a money-laundering scheme, and that led them to monitor the funds going in and out of Spitzer’s account. Say what???

An additional item of interest was the news that an independent monitoring firm (the Stroud Water Research Center) had found the following traces of pharmaceutical chemicals in San Francisco drinking water:

    antibiotics
    pain medications
    mood enhancers
    sex hormones

Unlooked-for side effects have been, according to the newscast, “the feminization of male fish” (What in God’s name does that mean???), presumably as a result of the last.

Self had barely recovered from this stunning information when the Weather Woman came on, and since self was on CBS, it was that cute woman with the bob, the one whose clothes self seriously envies. Sometimes she is in lime green, sometimes in orange. And her hair is absolutely thick and shiny. Today, she was all in brown, with tall boots.

Finally, self had opportunity to re-consider her readings of the past week. And she recalled that she simply zipped through Tom Perrotta’s Little Children. There were two suburban couples in that novel, whose marriages were falling apart. As it happened, their children belonged to the same playgroup (or group that met in the same playground, anyway). One of the husbands went to San Diego and determined, after experiencing hot kinky sex, that he would never return home (How funny that he should experience that in San Diego, self muses, though of course one can have hot sex in any city, even in a cornfield, for goodness’ sake! It’s just that San Diego doesn’t immediately strike one as the place to go if one wants such)

One of the moms has an affair with one of the stay-at-home dads (a cute one). What are the chances? Self remembers her own lackluster afternoons in the playground, when son was a toddler. There, she encountered a couple of Filipina maids (This was Menlo Park), numerous au pairs, and no dads. What are the odds that there would be a stay-at-home dad, who is also good-looking? Would that not be like winning the lottery? But, in the Perrotta novel, it happens.

Anyhoo, it was mighty entertaining. Self read it almost in one sitting, though she thinks the end was something of a cop-out.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

End of February (2008) Status Report

Today is the 29th of February. Which means it is a Leap Year. Which means — oh, never mind what it means, self! What matters is that today you are happy because:

    Apparently, you are no longer sick.
    You were able to end February by finally watching a movie in a theatre, as opposed to on the couch at home: “Definitely, Maybe.” (And the movie was even good! And Ryan Reynolds was cute!)
    You watched Tilda Swinton win an Oscar (for “Michael Clayton”).
    You were able to close out the month by consuming a Beard Papa chocolate eclair (yesterday).
    This week you mailed out an application for a fellowship (which, if you are successful, will allow you to attend a writing conference in the deep south, a place you’ve always felt the utmost affinity for, since that is the birthplace of Flannery O’Connor)
    Winter quarter at xxxx community college will be over in less than a month.

Yesterday, too, self returned to library Birth of the Chess Queen, an exceedingly interesting book that she was able to breeze through in less than a day (while cooking, gardening, chasing Gracie, watching TV, reading The Economist, grading student papers, etc etc) Now, self is reading a book called The Mapmaker’s Wife, about a real woman, Isabel Grameson, who in 1769 decided to cross the Andes (She lived in Peru) and traverse the Amazon in order to re-join her husband, a Frenchman from whom she had been separated for 20 years. Not only was this woman about to embark on a journey of more than 3,000 miles, a trip that most people estimated would take her at least six months, but she had determined to do it in style: that is, she had included in her luggage “fancy dresses, skirts, shawls, gold-buckled shoes, and lace-trimmed underwear,” all of which (in addition to food and other supplies) required the services of 31 porters and almost as many mules.

Can anyone say “Werner Herzog”? Stay tuned, dear blog reader, stay tuned.

Wednesday Evening, Redwood City

Here’s an image: the beagles are snoozing, each on their own blue pillows. Gracie killed a bird today or yesterday. Self was digging up weeds next to the daffodils when something made her look right. There, inches from her hand, was a mess of feathers, and also a little beak. And that was all that was left of what must surely have been a bird. A full-grown one, from the size of a wing that self now sees lying a little distance away. And, now that self thinks about it, Gracie did seem uncommonly excited yesterday afternoon. She kept running into the kitchen, where self was making something, and running back out agin. Self thought of following her but forgot.

For hours, self has been sitting in front of her laptop. It was late afternoon when she first sat down, and now it is full dark. The TV’s been on the Home Shopping Network all afternoon. There was a middle-aged woman selling clothes who self found very informative. For instance, self learned that the piece of flesh that folds over the top of your jeans when you sit down can be referred to as a “muffin.” Or, a “muffin belly.” And, if you bought those jeans self saw on the Home Shopping Network, you would never have to worry about muffin bellies again, because the jeans have a little expanding panel in the front, to accommodate all sizes of pouches of excess flesh. Brilliant!

Self made a lame attempt to write about coconuts for the Lasang Pinoy Food Blogging event (only two more days left to join!), but all she could think of was coconut ice cream. Last summer, for some reason, self found herself going absolutely ga-ga over coconut ice cream. All of June, July, and August, self went around sampling different brands. Determined to conduct the search in a scientific manner, self tried ice cream from Safeway, Trader Joe’s, and Whole Foods before finally deciding that the one from Trader Joe’s tasted most like the coconut sorbet of her childhood (Arce’s Buko Sorbet). Self thinks she’d better stay away from the coconut ice cream this summer. She would dread getting those muffin bellies.

Self read another fantastically gripping story by Princess Perry.

Just before it got really dark, self went outside to have another look at the remains of the bird. And there was a whole cloud of insects (not flies, not mosquitoes, not wasps) swarming around the plants. They were white? And small? But didn’t bite? She has no idea what they were. Gnats?

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

Oh, my God! (A Doggy Post)

Self happened to be watching flat-screen HDTV at the exact moment when judge at Westminster Dog Show in Madison Square Garden intoned,

“You are all absolutely beautiful, and — may we have the beagle!!!”

@@##!!##@@!!##

And that was how the long afternoon, which self spent a) grading papers b) gardening c) chatting on the phone with various writers and friends (including Dearest Mum, to whom self wished a Very Happy Valentine’s Day) and d) watching the 132nd Westminster Dog Show, ended.

The Garden burst into spontaneous applause, and self had the extreme satisfaction of hearing the announcer intone that he had never heard such an enthusiastic outpouring of approval in all the years he had been announcing the event.

And the beagle’s name was Uno. And it was the first time in the history of the Westminster Dog Show that a beagle had ever won (self heard somewhere that terriers and labrador retrievers and golden retrievers are the most favored breeds — when it comes to “show dogs,” that is).

Interesting aside: Patty Hearst — remember her? — had an entry at this same dog show, a French bulldog named Diva, which won “Best of Opposite Sex,” according to article self has just finished reading in the SF Chronicle.

And now self has to stop blogging so she can attend her monthly meeting of the Peninsula Rose Society. Tonight, they’re having a raffle for roses from the various local nurseries. Since raffle tickets are only $1 each, and roses usually cost about $20 each at Wegman’s, self thinks it is a very very good investment to load up on raffle tickets.

Stay tuned, dear blog readers, stay tuned.

News of the World, of the Family, of Kanlaon

First of all, Kanlaon, the volcano, is not extinct. This interesting fact self gleaned when reader from the Philippines left comment on her “Who is Kanlaon” page. Plenty of life left in that actual Kanlaon. In fact, self learned, three people died during an eruption not too many years ago.

And what of the Mother of All Road Trips? Self hasn’t blogged about that in a few days. Well, it might interest dear blog readers to know that yesterday, after placing a call to dear brother-in-law in Jersey City — who put up son and his four buddies on one day’s notice, what a gent! — self learned that part of son’s entourage included two chihuahuas. And that one of aforementioned chihuahuas had to have stomach pumped at 1 AM by vet in Manhattan, after accidenatlly ingesting a nasty something (probably rat poison, brother-in-law surmises). And to show their solidarity with the poor crit, all five college kids bore the afflicted to the vet and waited there and then pooled their money to pay the emergency room fee, which money they had been saving to pay for road emergencies. Self has heard no more about afflicted, but presumes it is fine and now wending its way back to California in what must surely (by now) be extremely stinky Suburban.

In calls to family yesterday, self learned the following:

« Previous entries